Male pre school workers

[Flopsy145]

My DD is due to start pre school in September and I found out her key worker is a male. I'm very ashamed to say my first thought was not to be comfortable with it, I acknowledged and corrected my thoughts but why did it happen in the first place!
I've heard great things about him on reviews and he's got the same qualifications as the women in the setting, I'm also the first to correct people if they think a female electrician isn't as good as a male for instance. So why did I immediately feel uncomfortable with this?

To add, I now feel ok and look forward to meeting him at the next visit, and I'm also aware that the key workers really only write reports/observations on their key children and all the staff chip in with all the kids especially at that age.

I think in one way it's natural to be a bit nervous about leaving your child with anyone at first - throw in ow (sadly) it can be a bit unusual (just in terms of numbers) for men to work in that sector as it has always been seen as "women's work" and the worry can kind of twist in your head a bit.

It's great that you've been able to take a breath and think clearly.

Fwiw my son (I realise that in itself probably makes our thinking a bit different, rightly or wrongly) had a male key worker at his old nursery and he was amazing, my son has Sen and this guy was the only one he was comfortable enough to "be himself" a bit more with, just as in he'd laugh, talk a bit with him.

I'm sure your dd will love nursery 🙂

You are lucky to have both male and female staff! See is as a great thing that children interact with dufferent people.

A friend of mine is a male nursery worker and faces this often. I think as pp said, looking after kids is seem as a female job. Also, often as the mum you've been looking after the kids and then hand them to a man. However, they're all trained.
I think it's good to see both men and women in the nursery as both can do the job.

OP your initial reaction isn't strange men commit by far the most violent and sexual crimes so it's going to enter your head. I get it, I'd feel the same. Your children are precious and you want to protect them, it's a natural instinct.

The less childcare and similar jobs are seen as ‘women’s work’ the better in my opinion. That said it is unusual, I say this a nursery worker and nanny. I don’t come across many male workers (low pay and long hours in nursery aren’t a particularly attractive option for many) but it’s a good thing to have a balance of being around male and female teachers, so I’d take it as a positive. He will be subject to the exact same scrutiny with regards to his background checks as anyone else. He wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t prepared to take on the workload to become qualified. Other staff members are always encouraged to whistleblow if anything is ever amiss with how ANY staff member treats the children. He’d be playing a very long game indeed for anything sinister to be afoot.

I’m sorry but that’s just an appalling thing to say. I feel very sorry for your DC if you convey that attitude to them.

There is a male employee at our nursery and he is fantastic. I’ve spoke to him on many occasions and he has said how hard it is when he’s constantly judged by women as being a potential risk. He’s one of the best members of staff there.

Do you tell your DC to be wary of female nurses because they tend to kill more babies?

It is true that the vast majority of violent and sexual crimes are committed by men and the vast majority of victims are women and children. It is appalling, but it’s also true.

Of course, the vast majority of men are NOT violent sexual predators, and it’s wonderful for children to spend time with caring men.

I would be comfortable with a male caregiver once my child is fully old enough to use the bathroom by themselves but Id probably still be vigilant. I used to be friends with a few people that worked in the prison system and pretty much they are uncomfortable with all the same things regular folk are uncomfortable with only more so. I dislike how people get bullied into ignoring their gut reactions in favour of whatever social programming is being pushed

There was a lovely young nursery worker when my boys were little. They adored him & he was brilliant with them. I get that it's traditionally not a male choice but fair play to him for following that path. Good luck with meeting him next week 😀

Does the nursery have a lone worker policy? If so that might put your mind at rest.

It's great that your son will have a male role model at nursery.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it particularly in regards to personal care. Primary school and older, fine, if no personal care required.

I worked for many years in a school for children with highly complex needs. Bed bound children on feeding tubes etc who couldn't speak. There's a reason the female pupils had two female members of staff attending to personal care, and the male pupils had one male and one female.

Nursery children can't communicate properly yet. I want to lessen risks at that age.

The foundation stage leader (so reception and preschool classes) was a young male teacher when DD was in preschool. He was one of the best teachers she (or her sister) has had over the years. He was made for the job (honestly... I think its a shame he is a head teacher now, simply because he was that good with the children. But he's a great head teacher as well).

By preschool its more education than the caring role of babies and toddlers (although they need the nurturing side as well obviously).

I understand concerns about personal care, but I would expect procedures to be rigorous for both female and male staff

Thanks all for your replies, I'm glad my initial reaction wasn't unfounded and I definitely think it's because it's unusual to come across men in early years settings, and he must have to deal with a lot of stigma so fair play for him for pursuing that career.

My DD will be 3.5 when she goes, she's been in nursery since 1 so she's very used to that sort of setting. She's a great communicator and will tell me everything that happened at nursery when I pick her up, loves a good gossip session 😂 so I feel comfortable that if she felt unsure about someone she would say, in fact she has told me about one of the ladies in her current room who she's not a fan of.
She's completely toilet trained and has been for a while, and can wipe etc after wees, gets help for poos but tbh very rarely does a poo at nursery however I will get her to practice wiping after that and that would make her 100% capable of doing any toilet related activities by herself. But depending on how she is when she goes ill probably just mention it to one of the women that I would feel more comfortable having a woman help her in the toilet if need be, writing it out I think that may be my only uncomfortable inkling as I'm totally not bothered with him teaching her or writing reports etc.

There's a buddy system at the pre school so it's two women who are essentially buddy to all kids and then the key workers do the observations and lead different activities etc.

This is the reason I loved the preschool and school I sent my children to. It was a 3 form entry and every year group had a male teacher including nursery. Sadly there were some closed minded parents who questioned why a man would want to work with nursery aged children. He was honestly fantastic and made to do that job.

It's good to go through your prejudice as we've all seen how things used to be before safeguarding!
We are always vigilant for anything out of the ordinary when we leave our precious children.
Just to add to this, how would dads feel if the key worker was male?
And how would white people feel if the key worker was black?
And how about if the staff member had a visible disability?
Or if they looked very young? Or old?
We all have a tonne of prejudice and every person has different ones, but it's good that we can think it through!

One of the best nursery workers we had was male. He just didn't sweat the small stuff so if it was rain8ng he'd just move the sand pit inside. He actually played with the children and was so fun but because he was young and strong would be able to clear up messy stuff quickly. He was utterly lovely and had gorgeous long flowing blonde hair - total surfer dude. He married and had his own little girl. He was brilliant.

Why is it appalling to point out a fact? I have nowhere said that men should not be nursery workers just that her initial reaction isn't in any way unusual, it's a natural instinct.

Don't you worry about my children, I'm keeping them safe and not so naive to say 'NAMALT'.

When my children were at nursery (& later primary) I did the school runs, helped with reading, events, after school clubs etc and really enjoyed it. I did think about a career change to something more rewarding, but being a man the suspicion that goes with the territory put me off.

So I've nothing but respect for the ones whose strength of character didn't put them off.

It isn’t about prejudice and racism, ageism & ableism aren’t relevant. The vast majority of sexual and violent offenders are male & the vast majority of victims women and children. Many of these predators go to extraordinary lengths to access vulnerable women and children. Good men understand this and do what they can to safeguard children and not cause alarm to parents. E.g. by not engaging in whataboutery, not making it all about themselves (eg by taking loudly wounded offence). Good men should be welcomed into nurseries and understand that the welfare of the children is key.

I can understand your instinctive reaction, especially as you have a DD. We have a male worker in my DS’s preschool (who has children at the school himself) and he is amazing. I think it’s really nice for little boys in particular to have a male role model, but I might have had an instinctive reaction like you if I had a DD rather than a DS. And it is unusual to see male staff in a childcare setting.

You could definitely ask about how they handle personal care (generally) where children need help with the toilet if that is bothering you - that wouldn’t be an unusual question at all if she’s a new starter.

My daughter is studying for a qualification in childcare and education currently. One of the other students is a really lovely lad who is very enthusiastic and caring and 100% suited for working with young children. All the other students are women. It is more unusual but I don’t think you can assume that men would only go into that line of work for nefarious reasons.

And yet women want complete equality with men.
They want men to do the classically 'women' jobs, be complete equals - yet there's still people thinking like this.

Which is it? You can't have the good without the bad, and stigma like this is part of the problem.

So if you're not so naive to say NAMALT, you're in fact saying the opposite - that all men are in fact like that?
What a load of nonsense. Let's hope your kids have more balanced and less radical views.

The male worker at my children’s old preschool was fabulous. He was an absolute star with my son who has ASD, they shared a real bond over superheroes and Star Wars. He was then one of my daughter’s key workers and again was amazing. He changed their nappies and helped with potty training when the time came around. I had no concerns at all. I think it’s positive to have a more diverse staff in preschool care.

As a safeguarding professional I don't like these threads because they really reveal and feed into complacency around female staff and safeguarding. It's my experience that women - in professional and personal lives - are much more likely to commit abuse than people generally assume. I've dealt with as many female abusers as male. Sometimes the abuse looks different - cruelty or neglect rather than sexual abuse, although the latter is absolutely something women are capable of and sadly I have worked on cases where professionals women have sexually abused children in their care. People cry "oh but it's much more likely to be men". I'd say it is more likely to be men, but not as much more as people seem to think.

So your approach shouldn't be to worry more because it's a man, your approach should be to ask the setting questions about how they protect children. What is their lone working policy, their personal care policy, how do they manage naps. What is their staff turnover (high turnover often being indicative of things not being right). Learn signs of abuse and be vigilant, without being paranoid. Start teaching your child about PANTS as soon as they are old enough to understand.

It's understandable but very simplistic thinking to be suspicious of a male worker.