Parent disappointed in my career choice

[Louise0923]

I grew up with quite pushy parents, always encouraging me to achieve and go the extra mile, which I was always very grateful for (and still am). Growing up my dad always instilled in me to ‘work for myself’, he had a business and talked about the flexibility and money it gave him.

I always thought I’d follow in his footsteps and for 3 years I had my own business. Unfortunately, it failed (mainly because of Covid but also it must’ve been my lack ability to navigate that because a lot of businesses survived).

I then sold out and got a job, a job I really enjoy, pays well and gives me a lot of benefits/WFH opportunities. It provides me with stability and I’m looking to start a family with OH. My dad never fails to mention or come up with some story of how happier people are not in a job, how I’m working 40 hours a week and have no time for anyone.

All of these are true (I actually probably work more than 40 hours) but because I’ve grown passionate towards my job and as a person I am ambitious and can see myself moving up in this field.

After he visits I always think I should start up my business again, or try another venture but I don’t know if I’d be any happier. Can people be happier in a job or have I sold out?

Of course they can. Don't as shortsighted as your Dad. There isn't a one size fits all job.

Also, 40 hours a week really isn't that much! You should still have time to see people particularly if you don't have kids yet.

God I’d be miserable working for myself. I love my career, I love my colleagues, it takes me places I would never have gone otherwise. Follow your heart OP.

Why does your dad think working 40 hours a week is too much? I imagine if I owned my own business, I would work 70 hours a week...

"Sold out" from what? Just because your dad has a strong idea of how your career should be, it doesn't mean it's right. We are all different, and what's works for one person doesn't do it for others.

If you are going to have Kids then it's better to be employed for maternity leave and so on...

You have a job you love. You spend time doing something you feel passionate about and you get paid for it.
You're an adult and you make your own decisions.

a steady paycheck and not being afraid everyday is not a failure.

You’re not your dad. You like different things.

My dad got very lucky with his business. Worked hard for about 10 years and then sold it, and retired very young. He thinks it’s a simple process, the way if you decided to be a doctor-hard work but step by step and achievable. Seems to think it’s a persons fault if a business doesn’t work out and they don’t make lots of $$$ from it, survivors bias I suppose. He doesn’t believe in luck.

So he sees me in a career, with a good pension and steady paycheck as a poor choice, almost ‘why would you not want to be rich and retire early’. I’d love to have had my business be successful but it was only when I started it, and had others around me who also started businesses/went self employed that I realised there are other factors involved and it’s not all on that person.

So he thinks he’s doing me a favour, giving me a ‘wake up call’. Like I’m going to go ‘oh why am I slogging in a job for someone else, of course I could easily earn more and work less outside of that’. But I’ve seen that’s not always true and maybe I will one day but I hate that I disappoint him and our conversations always revolve around some made up story of some corporate person he knows who ‘saw the light’ and now lives in the sun and doesn’t work.

I've been working for myself for 7 years. I love it and earn much more than I would in a job in my field, but it is by no means the easy choice. Instead of dealing with one boss/supervisor, I have about 20-30 clients at any one time, and each one has their own requirements. They can cancel up to 24 hours before their appointments, so I never know week to week what my income will be. I also think I work more than 40 hours, probably closer to 50, and it used to be even more in the early years. Plus I have to do all my own admin, sometimes chase payments, set up my own pension, etc.

So I think you can be happy and have a great, fulfilling career both ways. I probably would have enjoyed being employed and having a team as well. Sometimes I wonder about this and fantasise about things like paid holidays. Sounds like you have a lovely job :)

The issue is not that you are doing something in a different way to your dad but that he obviously doesn't respect your choice.

I'd hate to work for myself. It honestly doesn't appeal at all. I know a few people who do, including one who has been very successful, but he works all hours and never stops thinking about his business. I prefer to receive a monthly payslip!

Your dad’s being U. Great that having his own business, worked for him but that doesn’t mean it works for everyone, or even that everyone wants it.

My job only really exists in industry. I love my job, it's varied, I feel like I have purpose and it don't have to worry about money. I know the money that comes in at the end of the month covers the bills that go out on the first of the month. I am disabled and the reassurance of one months full pay if I need time off sick is reassuring

Retirement feels a long time away from now but there is a good chance that I will be able to retire early-average. If that is what I wish to do. We are in the fortunate position of having good equity on our house so we should be mortgage free before retirement. This should give us more options

There are many paths through life. Some will fulfil you emotionally and mentally, some intellectually some financially. Ideally a bit of everything. The required balance is person specific and time of life specific. The needs of a young 20yo is different to a someone in their mid 30s and late 50s. Your dad found his path through owning a business and found joy in retiring early it doesn't have to be your path.

This is so sad, almost all parents would be absolutely thrilled to have a child that enjoyed their job and was well paid.

Your tone has internalised your dad, you haven't sold out or failed because you couldn't navigate Covid. You have made excellent choices and thrived. The only people who don't believe in luck are those extremely lucky, it's a luxury belief for people to take credit for good fortune without thinking too hard about people who have had hurdles.

Can you tell your dad that his attitude is making you unhappy, that he doesn't understand the role your mum must have played in supporting him and allowing him to have both children and a business and that you want to have stability for starting a family.

Thank you for your kind message. I’ve tried to explain how luck does play a part in everything (alongside hard work).

He is difficult to talk to and the last time I disagreed with something, he didn’t speak to me for a long time. I think some people just have a ‘I’m right’ personality trait. It’s very difficult, you love your parents and you want to please them, but the very least I’d like to not come away from seeing him feeling less than I did going in.