Going crazy getting my toddler ready - how? Just how????

[DontWannabe]

Ds is almost 3 and it's so difficult to get him to do anything. Mornings are a nightmare. He has to brush his teeth, change his nappy, wear his clothes and use his inhaler. That's all but he resists and refuses to cooperate at every single step. When I say he has to do these things I mean of course that I need to do them for him but he just won't stand still. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hold him down and physically force him but even if I wanted to I need some level of cooperation. E.g. I can't give him the inhaler when he's squirming.

So far we have tried:

1. Making it fun or a game. This only works sometimes and only the first time.

1. Asking nicely and explaining why he needs to do these things. Doesn't work at all. He's probably too young to understand

1. Shouting. Not proud of this but I just lost it with him today morning.

1. Consequences: I can't think of any natural consequence that he would dislike enough to get him to comply. If he's late, he Will be late to go to nursery and I will be late for work. Both things he couldn't care less about it. And He doesn't understand why his inhaler is so important.

1. Choices. This worked really well with older dc but with him he just says 'no' when I present him e.g. 2 t shirts he can choose from.

1. Punishment: again I've got nothing I can punish him with in the morning. I sometimes tell him he can't have something he likes in the evening but that's too far away to make any difference. By the time evening comes around he has forgotten what he did or why we depriving him.

1. Rewards for good behaviour. I praise him when he does comply but it doesn't motivate him really. I sometimes try to bribe him by saying if he does something quickly he can have a treat or watch a video before we leave but he still won't comply but then also throw a tantrum when he doesn't get said treat or video. Maybe I should try a reward chart. I'm not keen on them and I don't think they work once the novelty has worn off but I'm at the end of my tether.

1. Showing him a video on my phone while doing everything. This works like a charm but I don't want him to have so much screen time (he gets videos in the evening as well and I can't cut out those) and how will he ever learn to do these things himself if he mindlessly watches peppa pig when I'm doing it.

I don't know what else to do. Dh gets older dc ready and takes them to school so he can't help much and when he does the toddler doesn't behave better for him either. I'm exhausted by the time I drop him off and then we have the same thing again in the evening to get him ready for bed. Or everytime I need to change his nappy. I just can't have this battle every single day. Any advice, please? Please???

Firm clear instructions, STOP, STAY, PUSH, PULL, i have an autistic son 8 who i have to get dressed for school everyday and some days he messes around or point blank refuses, i can’t struggle him into his clothes as he is a big lad, stands at my shoulder and if im honest he a bit chonky, so i need his cooperation, i find stern voice and one syllable instructions helps alot, for example if he is messaging around i will start by saying time to get dressed, if he doesn’t stop i will clearly say STOP! Then when i need him to help push his foot in i will say PUSH etc he gets these one word responses from me until task is complete and then i will tell him hes good boy for helping mummy etc, he also had a now - next- then board When he was younger but he knows our routine now, you can get them on amazon, we would put the symbols on the board in the morning and as he completed the task we would take them down, and he could see what was coming next, they still use them with him at school and say they work really well with him doing the school routine xx

I set out 3 outfits for Monday and Tuesday, for Wednesday (my day off) and then Thursday and Friday. This give us 6 combinations and she has to pick the best out of that and she gets wrested into it if need be!
Not doing toothbrushing is not an option in our house. We do videos every time our dentist and HV both class it as a means to an end. We started with tooth cleaning videos but we have switched to lots of 2 minutes videos. Her current favourite is salty seatles colourful pasta videos. My daughter has reflux and a tooth cavity as a result so we have to be hot on teeth cleaning!

I lie out all of my clothes too. Bags are packed on a Sunday with enough changes for the week so I don't need to worry if she has an accident mid week.

Try to keep a calm exterior. My daughter could pick up on days when I was extra stressed because I really needed to be out on time and play up more.

We have to do meds in the morning too and it does add an extra dimension. On a good day I can be out of the house in 15-20 minutes. On an average day it is 30 minutes. If she is on form it's a lot longer but she saves these for my day off now a days!

She's nearly 4 now and I lay out the clothes where she can reach them now and some days she gets herself dressed coming in just to have her pj top taken off. Such a difference compared to where we were at 2.5!!

Had similar with our 3yo, solved it by allowing her to pick her outfit for the next day in the evening before her bath. This is part of her routine now - no arguments for getting ready in the morning.

Can still be a pain with teeth in the morning and night - though, we've now got temporary tattoos that she has acquired via a birthday party which we've used as an incentive to get out her bath and dried up.

Can you think of things that he likes? Or add some stuff if you need to? E.g. you can watch this video while I brush your teeth, let's take your nappy off and then you can choose your favourite cereal for breakfast, put your shoes on and then I'll let you open the car with my car keys, etc?

Very similar here, I do things you've already mentioned namely distraction through screen time and giving choices. Sometimes this works. I nearly always have to do teeth by force which is awful.

On really bad mornings I have had to put him back in the cot until ready to stop fighting me.

Solidarity - it's like starting the day on a really bad note isn't it!

We have a good behaviour her (used to be branstom pickle but my eldest decorated it with sparkly stickers). Virtually any level of plastic behaviour means they get a marble for the jar. They get to pick which one to put in, which they like doing. So on a really good morning, they might end up getting 3 marbles, in a bad one they still usually and up with one. When the jar is full they get a treat e.g. they want a basketball book for their room (eldest has one), or we might go for a day out.

The idea is that it is very frequent positive reinforcement. I aim to get it filled for something nice we were going to do anyway, but they don't know that!

My two and a half year old is still in pull ups and also takes an inhaler sometimes.

He knows we don't leave the house without the following: Clean nappy, dressed, shoes, teeth, suncream/inhaler as needed.

For the inhaler it was explained to him why he needed it and then when he made a fuss all toys were tidied away and I shut myself in one room with him. He eventually caved because there was nothing else to do. I explained that as soon as it was done we could get on with x y and z fun thing. After he took it he got big cuddles and lots of praise. He takes it no bother now.

Same with anything else. He knows if he doesn't do them toys get put away, telly off etc and that I'll sit in an empty room with him until it's done. He knows there's no point fighting because I am more stubborn than he is. I'll sit in a room with him doing nothing for half an hour if that's what he chooses (he never does because he wants to go out and play!)

I feel your pain OP.

This always worked for me:

Say "I bet you can't choose a top before I count to 10" Let them win and give them a star / sticker for their reward chart. I would then say "oh no you won't win again! I'll win the next one!"

I used to vary what I counted up to, depending on what needed to be done. Teeth cleaning would be up to 100 (counting very slowly).

It always worked for me. In fact, I do still use this technique for my pre-teen if they are dragging their feet a bit!

Some things that work with my two year old:

Giving her ownership of the task as much as possible. She has a strong 'me do it' streak, and working with that, she can do a surprising amount. So with an inhaler, I'd be lifting her up to get it out of the cupboard, letting her take the lid off and put it in her mouth, then I do the actual squeeze bit, then she puts the lid back on, I lift her up to put it away. Teeth, she gets her brush and tube of toothpaste, I open the tube and squeeze the teeniest bit of paste out, she wipes it on to her brush, brushes herself, then I brush, then she rinses the brush and puts it away.

Giving her open choices (contrary to all advice about toddlers!). Saying 'please go choose some trousers' works much better with her than saying 'would you like the pink ones or the blue ones?' So all her clothes are in those drawer organiser boxes, and off she goes to choose some trousers. Even if she tips the whole box over in the process, it's much faster to shove a bunch of toddler leggings back in a box than to argue a toddler into compliance.

Letting her see big sister doing these things as often as possible and use the fact that she wants to do what her adored big sister does. I'm pretty sure the step where I brush her teeth is accepted because that's exactly what she sees big sister do.