How do toddlers show love

[toastti]

DS is 2.5 and I’m having a crisis panicking he doesn’t love me

hes in a very tantrumy stage. Everything is a battle and because DH works long hours it’s mainly me battling

hes always been comfortable with people, grandparents have baby sat and he went to nursery at 9mo as I had to return to work

he walks into nursery now doesn’t look back he seems excited to run in
they did say though around the time I usually pick him up he goes to the door and gets upset if I’m a little bit later than usual

when he’s told off or falls I pick him up when he cries I don’t think he specifically shouts mama but he’s speech delayed so he just cries but I comort

in the night when he wakes I can hear him ask for mama (me) on monitor

he doesnt initiate hugs and kisses too much. Lately he’s been saying ‘move mama’ and pushing me away at random times. When we go to grandmas he doesn’t want to know me :(

I feel like it’s because I’m bad cop I have to be when I have him as DH works long hours so no. Nursery days and before after nursery on those days it’s me having to discipline and I feel like sometimes I just seem like a crank! As he’s hitting / kicking doing ge rally destructive things but normal for his age but I have to stop him

does he love me? Should he be initiating loads of hugs and kisses or is it normal at this age he gives them when I ask (sometimes a no when he’s meltdown) instead of initiating

When he is upset or wakes in the night he wants you.

An occasional smack in the face, to keep you on your toes.

Yes, he loves you.

Sorry :( i just didn’t know if he should be glued to me and always wanting cuddles etc

he did have a phase pre Christmas where he was very wary of everyone and only wanted me but im worried ive upset him

b it I need to be firm i cant have him kicking (he’s been kicking our old dog :( ) hitting etc

They're all different and he loves you more than anything in the world.

Mine's just turned 2 and no way is he glued to me wanting cuddles all the time. He's far too busy! Occasionally he'll come for a cuddle on his own, more often than not though he shows affection by wanting me to play with him, be involved, talk to him.

I also get walloped from time to time, and policing his interactions with our dog is one of my top 3 most hated bullshit things to do but here we are, until he learns not to shove the dog they will be policed.

He sounds like a perfectly normal toddler!

He sounds like a normal toddler, and I'm quite sure he loves you very much.

They're not very good at showing it at this age though. They're just starting to get defiant.

Don't worry, OP. The toddler years are filled with battles and tantrums.

If it helps, children tend to make more fuss about people who they like but they are less sure about their love.

If they are fully reassured and know you love them and would be there no matter what, they tend to take you for granted, which is a quite healthy sign of how close they feel to you and that they trust you very much.

Sounds like a totally normal toddler who loves his mum.

His love for you is just his total normal existence right now. He doesn’t feel any need to demonstrate it, because it just is. Look for it in how he’s comforted by you, calls for you, wants you to collect him from nursery.

. I feel like because we’ve got to the tantrum stage and testing behaviour stage so I have to discipline and I feel awful and like he just thinks I just tell him off!

glad to hear it’s normal that he doesn’t just come over give random hugs/kisses and it’s normal to throw meltdowns for me etc

i

OP, he sounds like he is a normal toddler (who loves his mama!)

DH worries DC doesn't care about him because she will rarely choose to kiss him. What he doesn't see is when she wakes up in the morning, when he's already left for work, the first thing she says is "Baba" (what she calls him) and points to the doorway.

My DC also forgets I even exist when she is with her grandparents!

My 2.5 year old has started telling me they don’t like me when I’m telling them no or setting boundaries. Quite clearly, “I don’t like you, mama”. I know they love me because when they are scared they want me. In the middle of the night when it’s dark and they are disorientated, they call for mummy. If uncertain about a new encounter, they’ll reach for my hand.

You’re their safe space in a storm. When all other distractions are gone and they are scared or lonely, you are the person they want. That never goes away either, I’m 34 and there’s times when I still want my mum. Unfortunately, that also means they feel safe with you all the time and that means they can lose their shit at the tiniest thing and you bear the brunt of it. They know you won’t stop being there and won’t stop loving them, he knows he’s safe and so you get the very worst behaviour too.