Best way to deal with hitting, throwing and biting?

[whatsallthisthenhuh]

DD is almost 3 and I must say for the most part she is an absolute delight!

But I feel I am having a problem with biting, hitting and throwing, usually when I say no or she's not getting her own way. I know it's completely normal and she's struggling to manage her "big feelings" but I don't really know how to respond to it.

I do follow some of those dreadful "gentle parenting" accounts on IG and I don't think it's helping! I try saying no, saying please no biting etc, can't let you bite mummy etc. I've tried to hold her hands, move her away if she's biting. I've used a firm voice but have t shouted. I've tried to remove myself from the situation, but read this can lead her to feel "abandoned" and "invalidated" for perfectly normal feelings.

I'm just at a bit of a loss. As she's heading towards 3 it's happening a bit more often and it is starting to get me down. I definitely bear the brunt of it, and it's so disheartening when she makes such a mess or does bite me.

I'm just not really sure where to go from here. Amy advice welcome!

The invalidation of feelings thing is a bit of an unproved nonsense imo. You’re perfectly well within your rights to invalidate her want to bite! Promise it’s not going to cause her lifelong issues.

As soon as she bites you, get up and completely remove yourself from the situation.

When she’s calmed down THEN you explain that biting is not ok and hurting other people even when you have big feelings is not how you cope with things (or what she’ll understand to that affect.)

Give her other outlets for her frustrations and redirect to those - give her some paper to rip up, get her to punch a cushion/give her a toddler bite necklace thing to bite on when she’s angry. And then as she gets older you’ll be able to work together to work out what helps most when she’s frustrated.

Dd has adhd so this is what has worked for us in regards to big outbursts of anger and frustration, but it’s all trial and error with your own kids. But you do have to make the hitting/biting/throwing a non-negotiable.

What exactly is wrong with her feeling invalidated for being violent and hurting someone? Whilst yes totally within the realms of normal for 2YOs to behave like that sometimes, it’s not behaviour I would want to validate, quite the opposite. She’s also still so young and the shorter and clearer the better to help her understand. So a very sharp ‘no biting, biting hurts’ then I would get up and walk away. And hold firm on whatever you’ve said no to so she learns it doesn’t get results. Once she’s calmed down by all means talk about it if you think she’d understand (2-3YOs can vary a lot in how much they can discuss after the fact) like why you said no and reiterate that biting hurts and isn’t kind. But I find clear consistent boundaries work best.