Rainbows

[Kathryn1983]

Hi All
my DD is 4 and in reception
she is in rainbows and generally loves it
in order to get her a place I offered to volunteer as I myself was a guide
and I genuinely enjoy volunteering and working with the girls
but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to manage being her mum and her rainbow leader and it's making me dread it each week!
she seems to be absolutely fine until about 15 min before the end when we do the chatty bit and give out badges and she just can't sit and focus at all!

but she just wants to sit on my knee and be cuddled or whatever and basically not being mean she behaves like a 1 year old and it's driving me crazy as she's usually engaged and confident and I keep thinking would she be better off if I wasn't there!?

advice from people who do group activities where they are mum/ dad and leader

she basically ruined promise evening tonight and I don't know if I can face going again with her again

but if I say I'm not volunteering anymore they don't then have enough to run the group and I would say 90% of the time she is amazing she's already worked on badges and made lots of friends but her emotional maturity seem light years behind the other girls

Would you be able to volunteer at another group for them and offer to try and help them recruit another Volunteer for your DDs group?

I thought Rainbows had to be 5 ?

Anyway, I think some children mange just fine with their parent as a Leader, and others struggle with it.
We always avoided it, as I just think it gives the dc more freedom, but I realise it isn't always possible.

What you describe doesn't sound so bad though.
Would it be possible for the other Leader to lead that section of the evening, and you to busy yourself tidying up rather than being available to her ?

I had thought about this
I work full time so it's not easy to finish at essentially 3 pm especially when I'm on site
but it's something I'll reconsider if we don't get some improvement come September I think
by then she'll be 5 and be in year 1 and it's 3/4 months away so that's a huge developmental stage

I had a good chat to my leader
her and the other helper both did rainbows when their girls were in it and they had a few good suggestions
we've been trying to make sure if mu DD is upset or struggling or needs telling off its one of the other leaders that does it so she gets the message that I'm unavailable
I don't lead that part of the evening anyway thankfully
i actually worry more as I think she gets more fidgety at the end now than she did the first few weeks ( we've been going since November)

Rainbows is from 4 but often due to spaces being limited they don't get a slot until 5

we've had 3 terrible sessions this term and it's put me off but she was great last term we had no issues I recall so not sure what has changed it's such a shame (one of the terrible sessions all the kids were a shambles lol 😂 straight after holidays!)

I've explained to her she can pause it and start again in 6months if she likes and such

feel awful about her behavior at the promise tho she was so disruptive and disrespectful of the other girls it was embarrassing to be frank

she has a school even next week and then half term and then a week I can't help but she'll still go so I'll see if the week after we see a difference

I'm a squirrels leader (age 4-6) and the 3 children who's parents are also leaders are by far the worst behaved! They just push the boundaries because their parent is there.

Oh and I won't follow her up to brownies
I'll stay in rainbows if work permits to allow her more freedom for sure

This makes me feel simultaneously better and worse 🤣🤦‍♀️
she was soo good November to about Easter then it's not that she's badly behaved at all really worse than I'd like but I'm strict

it's just that she seems to hit a wall at 4.30 and can't contribute to the quieter part of the evening but then usually loves the badges bit if she isn't feeling jealous (only happened twice she was envious) as she's interested in the other girls work and ideas and the song at the end

tonight was a disaster from the start as it was a quieter activity and then the promise 🫣😞

I'll give it one more term and see how we go

if it's worse I'll see if I can reschedule work and volunteer at a different group

Rainbows used to be 5. I suspect they lowered the age because of squirrels to ensure girls still joined - we would find girls would be lost to beavers if they hadn't got a space by the time they were 6 and then stayed in scouting.

I used to be a rainbow leader - joined as an adult leader when dd1 was a rainbow otherwise the group would have folded.
Definitely tag team with the other leaders who have children. I set up a buddy system for my rainbows. Not for dd but for some of our younger ones as she was approaching 7. But, don't altogether ignore her. Just simply reinforce the boundary of 'mummy's working right now'

It worked really well pairing older girls with younger ones to learn the expectations of the group, gave the older ones a sense of responsibility and the younger ones a peer who had already been through the whole separation at the door, mixing with new people etc.

If fidgeting is a problem for her I suspect there are others who are similarly fidgety, but you focus on your daughter because you don't want to be seen as favouring her. Is there scope to have a game before settling down to activities where they have to focus and be sensible, like promise ceremonies. Mine always loved ice cream. No resources required but running from the middle of the room to the sides, or corners. Similar sort of game.

This is really great advice thanks
generally I think she is similarly if not only a tiny bit more fidgety than the other reception girls and I think I do maybe focus on her but try to ignore and as agreed let the other two leaders step in when needed and I focus on others which I think helps her to not push back at them so much

she does have some issues with focus at the best of times and the teacher is eyeing for sen but also said it's too soon and she's young so it may resolve if you get me

I think tonight was hard for her it was a full session of just sitting and talking and maybe in hindsight a game would have been best to break it up BUT she was the only girl who was disruptively bored and that had me worried then she got very upset when the other parents arrived for the promise (possibly more out of shyness in fairness or worry ) but chose to be especially loud in her assertions it was mega boring and she had had no fun 🤦‍♀️ the whole way through I damn near sent her out with her dad to be honest

I guess last night upset me and made me majorly question her maturity/ sen status and my own parenting as she stood out as the naughty disruptive one so much 😞

My younger DD moved Scout groups as she hated being a leaders kid so much. I privately celebrated the day she aged out of Cubs (between them I had had a child in my section for 5 years)... it was so much easier without them. And I didn't get them to 7.5.. I had a stint as a Rainbow leader with the eldest but we all had kids there so the policy was generally we dealt with each others children.

It's rainbows, not prison. Just let her sit with you?

I don't volunteer in my daughter's group but another to avoid these issues.

I actually think I needed to read this!
good point I will be less concious of it in future she will likely grow out if the clinginess and if not I will reconsider but I won't judge myself or her so much for wanting to be close