Breastfeeding + screaming hungry baby

[Jessica1782]

Hi - FTM with an EBF 9 week old. I’m feeding on demand and it’s totally unpredictable how often she wants feeding - can be every half an hour to two hours. She has an absolute melt down when she’s hungry. It makes going anywhere impossible. I’m feeling very stuck in the house but when I go out and she starts screaming I feel so awful. I always try and find the nearest toilet / shady spot / chair but sometimes it takes 10 minutes and I hate to hear her screaming.

I guess I am asking if that’s ok? Cry it out isn’t ok at night and it feels like I am doing a version of that unintentionally making her wait for food. Did your LO’s cry for food regularly or were you always able to catch it before the cry?

I am also wondering if I don’t manage to fill her up when I feed. She comes on and off and on and off and so I feel like I just “decide” when she’s finished based on how fussy she becomes…

thank you x

EBF two here.

Sometimes my little ones cried just because they were overtired, over stimulated, and wanted to sleep. Boob is how they regulate themselves, calm down, etc So they weren’t hungry per se. They just wanted to conk out to sleep.

my little one has literally just done this. He’s been fed a few times and was rooting and screaming again. I picked him up, got out a boob and bam he’s asleep without even drinking anything.

all that to say, I don’t always put the behaviour down to hunger!

I think it’s fine to make them wait a few mins til you can see to their needs if you don’t have any other option. As long as you’re not making them wait 3 hours, wet, tired, hungry, lonely, scared. Ten mins while you find some shade etc is fine.

Hi @Jessica1782, congratulations on your little girl ☺️ My son just turned 1 and I'm still breastfeeding so I'm trying to remember how things were at 9 weeks! He definitely used to feed very frequently too and cried A LOT at the beginning so it was hard to tell if it was hunger/tiredness/stomach pain etc. I didn't go to anything until 10 weeks which was the library 2 minutes from my house so you're doing really well. I just want to reassure you that cry it out is very specific to leaving your baby to cry alone in a room, which you certainly aren't doing and I understand completely/know from experience how hard it can be to find somewhere to feed whilst out. This part will pass and soon you'll be able to catch hunger more easily as her cues become clearer/her feeds become more spaced out. I found going to baby groups helpful because other mums don't care if you get your boob out to feed! They really helped me in general and usually the people running the group have experience helping mums with feeding or know someone who can advise. I hope that helps xx

It’s fine to make the, wait 10 mins to find somewhere to feed.
Sometimes they just want the comfort and that’s why they feed a bit let go, then want more and so on. I did give my eldest a dummy but my youngest wouldn’t take a dummy.
It’s fine to feed wherever you are and I used to feed standing up at times. Or give a preemptive feed before leaving the house or getting out of the car.

Also baby might be cluster feeding ahead of a growth spurt - suckling and removing the milk is “putting in an order” to make more milk later, as they’re growing.

as long as baby has plenty of wet nappies and is putting weight on well, my view is not to overthink it. Everyone I speak to thinks they’re not making enough milk - especially if their boobs don’t feel heavy and full (they don’t need to!) or their baby feeds a lot (they’re meant to!) I’d be suprised if we’re all not making enough milk !!! I wouldn’t stress too much and just trust the process if baby seems otherwise healthy .

also don’t rule out the recent heat - change in weather might have made baby a bit warmer, thirstier or you a bit dehydrated.

so make sure you get some rest, plenty of fluids, some food, try not to stress - that can all affect your supply too apparently.

The frequent feeding It’s annoying if you want to go out and about but I promise it’s not forever. Maybe just stick to places where you know you can sit and feed til the cluster feeding stops? Eg shopping centres, parks with lots of benches, BF friendly places like libraries, and cafes.

Sometimes my little ones cried just because they were overtired, over stimulated, and wanted to sleep. Boob is how they regulate themselves, calm down, etc So they weren’t hungry per se. They just wanted to conk out to sleep

This should be given on leaflets to all breastfeeding parents. It’s not a problem with your milk. She wants to go there frequently because it’s her safe place. She will cry in public for a million reasons, the main being overtiredness and overstimulation. Boob is a great soothing tool and the way she knows to regulate herself. You are doing great - keep offering whenever she’s sad!

10 minutes while you find somewhere is fine, also you are with baby talking to them and maybe holding them, you aren't leaving them on their own.

It's hard to start with, but try going to places where you know where you can feed baby. Anywhere with a cafe although that can get expensive! Somewhere like John Lewis (the one near me has a parent room where you can feed, but they also sell sofas so that's another option to sit on!). Garden centres are good at the moment as they have all their garden furniture out that you can sit on. Shoe shops / departments will have somewhere to sit (although that's a bit more exposed so it's not great, but it's better than nothing if they are screaming). If you can comfortably feed sitting on the ground, take a picnic blanket to the park then you just need shade and don't have to worry about The One Bench being occupied.

My second is 6weeks old and has regularly had to wait for a feed whilst i deal with my toddler - especially if she has literally just sat on the toilet. 🙈 I really wouldn't worry about it - the way we are biologically progammed to respond to our babies means it probably feels much longer to you than it actually is anyway.

Last thing, I find carrying helps fussiness too - he’s fuss around like he wants to feed for a min (but will have just been fed!!) then conk out to sleep and be quite chilled for ages.

I remember having to write down how many times my baby wanted to bfeed at about that age for my health visitor, it was something ridiculous like 9 (very short) times in an hour at one point....I was finding it exhausting and frustrating as he would want feeding as soon as we went anywhere too. Had a lovely health visitor visit once and she said, as other posters above have, thay they feed for many reasons so as long as they have wet nappies and are putting on weight etc just go with the flow for now. It will soon change again.

Feeding for me got soooo much easier about the three month mark. You're still very much in the fourth trimester. Hang in there!

You've had some great advice. It sounds like she's looking for comfort, and you are doing a great job providing her with that security. It gets easier when they start learning to self-soothe.