How important is it for children to have their own bedroom?

[everycloudhasone]

We have a 3 bed one boy and one girl and for a long time now we've been done and happy as a 4.
However we've had this yearning for one more which doesn't seem to be going away.
If we did have another they would have to share a bedroom with whichever gender they are.
We're not in a position to move house and are only at talking stages but would it be selfish or would the children be at a disadvantage for sharing when at the moment they have their own space?
I know lots of people don't have a choice but we do and haven't made that choice yet so would like to hear from people who shared a bedroom and was it a good experience or would you have preferred your own space?
I was a single child and always wished I had a sibling to share with but understand that the reality might be very different.

You may have issues with 2 DC having to share and one getting their own room (and therefore being treated differently) because of their sex.

I think it’s a luxury to have a room each but I wouldn’t limit my family if it meant sharing a bedroom. I think children can be close and it can be beneficial to share. I think there are advantages and disadvantages to sharing/ own room. I’d have another child if I could!

I shared with my sister (2 years younger) until I left home at 18 because we had no choice. It was ok and we had some good times and late night chats but also lots of arguments over the years and I would have loved my own room.

My kids share atm through choice (they are opposite sex 6 and 3) but I will separate them in a year or 2.

I think sharing in teens is not ideal for any child and the bigger the age gap the worse probably.

Depending on the sex of the baby (eg if it is same as dc1 so a bigger gap) I’d probably aim to move in time for teenage years so they can each have their own rooms.

If the second double is big enough and the window works you could divide the room in later years? I have seen some clever ways to do this on line. Even just with cleverly deisgned furniture
Not having a 3rd child due to bedrooms is a tough call and one you may live to regret.

I had to share with my sister and we had a 2yr gap, I tolerated it and was so pleased when we finally moved and I got my own room at 14. I still have a relationship with my sister which is amicable but we are completely different personalities. We also have a younger brother and neither of us would have wanted to share with a baby/toddler when with a 7 year plus gap.
I also have 2 DDs who are 2.5 years apart, they have always had their own room, and bedroom space was one of our considerations when thinking about trying for a 3rd.

Minimum you’ll have a 5 year age gap if you pregnant quickly and new baby is the same sex as the youngest. It could be as much as 8 years if the same sex as the eldest plus it takes a few months to conceive.

In reality that means no choking hazard small toys until baby is 3+ which is just about everything kids of over 5 play with, so they’d have to strip their room of basically all their toys- no lego, hot wheels cars, barbie accessories etc etc. Then as preteens they’ll have a room full of embarrassing plastic little kid toys which could stop them wanting to have friends round (this happened with my nieces, and that was only a temp arrangement). Bedtimes will be very different and a nightmare to coordinate. They’ll be no private study space as teens.

It’s not something I’d consider doing unless I knew an extension or a move would be possible in a couple of years.

In reality though who let's a 2 year old play unsupervised in a bedroom? Younger siblings always have access to older kids toys even if not sharing rooms! Mine did! I supervised them and taught them not to put stuff in their mouths!

My sons are still sharing at 16 and 17. We've been lucky in that they get on really well and never fought at all, but they both desperately want their own space now. We are moving in the summer (relocating actually as can't afford that much space where we are) and the only reason they aren't too sad about it is the promise of their own rooms!
I shared with 2 sisters, but big age gaps, until I left home at 17. I'd have loved the opportunity to stay at home and save or go to college or something, but it was expected that I'd leave ASAP. Younger sisters also left home at 16 and 15, though there were a lot of other issues going on.
I want to give my own kids the security to stay at home as long as they need, to save deposits or whatever they want to do. Unfortunately, we're having to move a long way to make that possible!

We didn't plan to have 3. We didn't actually plan any of them, we were young and stupid with no parental guidance! Obviously I love them all dearly, but if I were in a position to actually plan a family, I think having the children you can afford to give a good quality of life to is quite important. Don't forget 3 lots of uni costs, potentially and all sorts of other expenses. They're cheap while they're at primary school, that doesn't last!

Oh I don’t mean like that, obviously 2YOs don’t do much (any?) unsupervised playing in rooms. And yes stuff will be in living spaces but you’ll there to supervise that so fine.

What I’m saying is that they are unsupervised in their room once they’ve been put to bed. Loads of kids escape the cot before 3 and then you don’t want them sleeping in a room with any choking hazards in it surely? What if they get up and start pottering about? Or if they are still in the cot and elder DC accidentally leaves some lego within reach and you don’t spot it? I’m really not an anxious parent or anything but I wouldn’t have anything like that in an under 3s bedroom! It’s far too risky. And I think that’s just a bit shit for the older one that has to have a stripped back room, especially as it sounds like OP’s DC currently do lots of a lovely playing in their rooms together so clearly have toys up there.

My older kids, 17 & 15, don't share now but they did when they were younger in our old house with fewer bedrooms Now they keep their doors open and chat all night long to each other across the landing. Don't know why we bothered moving 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m a true introvert and would’ve hated sharing a room with my sister regardless of the age gap. I even hated sharing a room in college, I always ended up getting my own spot after the term ended.

on the other hand my sister and my DD love company and wouldn’t have minded sharing. I think it will depend on personality and I would never have another child unless they were able to have their own room.

I think bedroom sharing is fine when children are little.
I think it becomes more important to have their own room when they are older - it's also important to have a separate study space, although you may have an option to provide this elsewhere in the house.

You say you are not in a position to move at the moment - when do you see yourself in a position to do this, or is this a long term plan?

At the ages your DC are there will be at least a 5 or 7 year age gap (assuming you put same sex siblings together). 7 and 2 year olds probably have different bedtimes (for example). 9 and 2 year olds definitely do, and the 9 year old probably doesn't want the 2 year old touching their things.
By 12 and 5, they will have completely different wants.

Also, if your reason for not moving is cost, don't underestimate the cost of an extra child. 6 and 4 are possibly among the cheapest years.

Mine chose to share because they wanted "up and down beds" we moved when they were 7&9 and had own rooms then

@Leafalotta

It always was common to share, growing up most of my friends shared , some shared with 2 siblings even opposite sex. I had the box room, my 2 brothers shared.

It's only over the last 20 years or so it seems in certain social circles that sharing is wrong.

It will be harder with the gap. I think bedroom sharing works better for kids when it's what they've always done as long as they can remember. It sounds as though your older children are used to having their own rooms.

You also need to think about the possibility of twins. One of my friends lives in a 5 bed house, they had three children and decided to try for a fourth. Number 4 turned out to be 4 and 5. The (BG) twins shared until they were about 5, but at that point one of the older siblings moved downstairs into what had been the dining room, so every child had their own room.

Not sure how it would work when the older one starts school and the younger one is 2ish, still in an age where they wake up frequently at night and will disturb the sleep of the school child. It’s hard enough for an adult to function the next day on disturbed sleep, I couldn’t burden a school child with this.

I think sharing is fine if started from a young age and they don't know different. But in your case, one would have to learn to share after being used to having their own room. I also think the age gaps are too big for it to work well. You're going to end up with a young teen sharing with a small child, which impacts on homework, having friends over, etc.
So if I were in your position, I'd stick with what I already have and be happy with it.

I shared until about 14 and hated it. I am neat and my sister is messy. We fought and fought. There was no privacy (my mother still doesn't respect a closed door, but that's another story). It's made me as an adult very private and controlled with my living space.
If you go ahead with the baby, the age gap will mean you have a small child and a teenager sharing which isn't great for bedtimes, exams and friends. As this wouldn't be for a few years, is there anything that can be done with attic space? There are also some examples of room dividers on Pinterest etc to provide some element of privacy.

We have 3dds and have a 3 bed house. 2.5 yr age gap between first two and then 5 year gap between 2 and 3. So very similar to what yours will be if you go ahead.

It would obviously have been nice (and still would) to have an extra bedroom but it for the most part worked. Initially 2 eldest shared and baby was in smallest room. Once eldest hit teen years, she has small room and 2 & 3 were happy to share despite age gap. Once eldest didnt come back after Uni, youngest went into small room and middle dd stayed in bigger room.

I would say now they are older it is more difficult, as when they are all home at the same time, the eldest 2 have to share what is now essentiall 'the guest room' (or where I sleep when husband is snoring!)

I suppose it will be more difficult if the baby is the same sex as your eldest, as time goes on you've got no choice about who shares with who. A 9 and 3yr old are probably both fine to share, but a 14yr old and 8 year old not so much.

It's only over the last 20 years or so it seems in certain social circles that sharing is wrong.

This argument doesn't work. Times change. There's a shit ton of stuff that was more common or accepted 20, 30, 40 years ago. At one point it was common for families to live in one room. No thanks, living standards have improved.

I know a blended family with 2 girls in one room with about a year between them and an adult son in a smaller room, I don't know his exact age but I'd say early/mid 20s and they have a new born (boy) together who is going to go in with the adult dc once he outgrows his cot in their room.

I had a bad experience sharing a room with a sibling I clashed with so didn't want to put my children in the same position.

It's one of those things where it can be fine and no problem but if you don't have the space it's tricky to fix if there's a problem.

My parents both had to share with siblings growing up & loathed it, which meant they always made sure we had our own rooms.

As a very introverted teen I was hugely thankful for that. My sister (4 years younger) & I are very close now but didn’t really start getting on until I went to university & we weren’t living in the same house all the time.

I think if we’d had to share a bedroom our relationship would never have recovered.

When we had to share a room on holidays I was always jealous of our brother for being the opposite sex & getting a single.

I am number 2 of 3 girls. The youngest had her own room until she got to around 10, eldest then swapped with her and had her own room for around 12 years (she moved out about a year after I left to go to college), so youngest went back to having her own room. I won't lie, as a teen, it really rankled that 1 and 3 had years of having their own space and I never did.