For what reasons would you not allow your baby father to see his child?

[Tweedledeexo]

What reasons do you think are valid to keep your toddler from seeing his dad?

Umm... sexual, physical, emotional abuse? Father ill equipped to parent safely? Father in dangerous circumstance/ drugs in the house etc

Do you want to share a bit more...

Probably easier for you to share your reasons, what’s going on?

If there is a risk of harm to the toddler.

What's your situation OP?

So I’m the provider of the household, he doesn’t pull his weight much or even at all. He prioritises doing things outside the house like going work on his days off unpaid to hang out when there are things to do be done, doesn’t do any nappy’s, doesn’t support the family or take care of our toddler, we are splitting up next month and I’ve told him I don’t feel comfortable him touching me and stuff and he gives me kisses and because to save the atmosphere it’ll create I’ll give him a peck but he will want more make out kind of kisses or open mouth and I just don’t want to and when I say no he pesters me for kisses and then just kisses me like how he wants anyway. If I let him put his hand on let’s say my leg he will put it up my pants when I tell him stop and no his mood changes to just being reserved it’s like he doesn’t know his boundaries and when I tell him stop something instead of meeting me in the middle he just goes quiet he does no chores at all I work from home and have our DC and on his days off he doesn’t wake up to help or anything it’s like any other day his at work for me doing everything. Knowing I have work to catch up on from the rest of the week. He doesn’t build any furniture, we are sleeping on a mattress atm bed is built but the slats are in a storage facility instead of using his time to go get them it’s 2 mins away the storage he spent the day doing things that were not important knowing me and DC sleep on a floor on a mattress he himself sleeps on the sofa so when I wake up for work I am working from the floor he doesn’t try do much for our comfort. Dishwasher is broke the landlord wants to come down measure instead of helping tidy up his again done things he didn’t need to instead of helping out at home. He makes me feel bad for telling him I am not comfortable with how he is towards me and makes me feel like I’m in the wrong for rejecting his “love” he doesn’t do a lot for DC except play with every now and again and also I pay for everything pretty much from rent to bills to shopping. He has 2 kids from a previous and used to compare our baby to them always saying there was something wrong with our toddler as he has had babies before and they’re not like this and whatever. He did everything he could for his previous children from saving money for them and providing and everything he possibly could whereas our toddler he doesn’t do anything for during pregnancy we fell out because of me and he refused to buy anything but the pram and cot knowing he promised to pay for everything as I had to come out of work for that period but left me last min asking people for money to get our baby on the way clothes, bottles, sterilisers and stuff and even when I mention this to him now he thinks he did the right thing by refusing to buy our son things he needed because he had an issue with me? His massively reduced the quality of my life I have no hobbies of interests as I can’t afford to since I carry the load and don’t have money for me. He was horrible throughout pregnancy and postpartum cheated and all of that but that aside how he is currently I’m not sure how much of a good influence he is to our son

I haven’t taken my son to his nans so my mums in over a year because he would accuse me so to save the hassle I just stopped it’s now over a year and I have to ask them to come here to see our boy although my mum has had a stroke and is too sick to travel she does her best to come and I feel so guilty because I wanted our boy to have a proper nans home go there and all sorts.

He used to not long ago get mad at our toddler for crying for being hungry in the mornings because he was asleep and would call him dumb say his stupid and something is wrong with him until I got angry once and told him he better stop that so has and now preaches he loves him so much etc etc but doesn’t do a lot for him

Sometimes he seems good with our DC other times not so much but both times good or bad he doesn’t do much for him

None of those are reasons to stop him from seeing them and if he takes you court, he will be given access.

Not sure those are reasons to stop a child seeing their father.
Is scheduling a break up a thing, why is it in a month?

His not on the birth certificate as he was abusive during my pregnancy so I was advised against adding him by my midwife. Social services were involved at one point too and again I was advised to keep my son and me away from him but I’ve always felt bad as it’s his dad but he is so much of a narcissist I just don’t know

What would your teenage child who has never seen their parent consider a good reason? They are who you will have to answer to.

He needed time to find a place to live

So if you had a toddler and thought that when they woke up at their dads, and cried for being hungry, he wouldn’t feed them, he’d yell at them for crying? I guess if you’re neglectful as well you might not recognise it.

op, you need to get him out. Take ds to visit your mum. Whenever you want. Your ex’s opinion doesn’t matter. Do you think he will even want to see his child? It doesn’t sound very likely! If he does, it’s true a court will give him access, so you should set some reasonable rules. No overnights unless he has a place to sleep in a safe house and you know he can change a nappy and feed him. No contact in your place because you deserve a safe space. A few hours at a park maybe.

He has 2 children with his ex but found out late in our relationship she has a non mol order against him so he doesn’t see them kids for that reason and then what I was advised by my midwife and social worker I’m starting to think was I wrong to go against their advice and keep him in our sons life? He smokes cannabis indoors and I tell him not to instead of using the bedroom with the en-suite to sleep in and get the bed sorted he smokes in the en suite won’t listen so me and toddler don’t go in there sleep on the floor on a mattress in the living room. I just don’t see him prioritising his sons needs

Thank you, these were my concerns. Little one is crying because he wants milk and he will call him stupid. Prior to the breakup he was horny and kept trying it with me I told him several times no but then he wouldn’t stop our toddler began crying and he began calling him a cock block the bane of his life saying why did I even have you you were a bad idea when I confronted him he said he didn’t mean it and he had taken viagra so was frustrated and it’s the testosterone or whatever nonsense and I told him to never cross that line again and he made me sick behaving like that

So you found out late into the relationship that he had a non molestation order that's why he doesn't see the kids he supposedly provided so much for, but you were ok with him not seeing them before you found out about it and saw him as a good enough father to your baby ?

Without sounding rude... I hardly see you prioritising your sons needs either. Get him out and get a better environment for your son.

I’ve actually suffered from fertility issues and was told I was infertile and I suffered from that for 10+ years so I wasn’t expecting to fall pregnant.

He is leaving next month. I work full time and pay for everything do the chores and take my son and cater to his needs I don’t have the energy to actually do everything including fixing the furniture and taking trips to storage nor do I have enough hours in the day I have no support of family or friends and am isolated everytime I have asked him to leave I end up feeling bad because his my sons dad and he says he will live in his car as even his own family refuse to take him in

You need him out now, not next month.

Ok. Things like this are insane you clearly knew about it during those 10 + years. If my partner spoke about our baby like that in front of me he would be out the fucking door and living on the streets couldn't give a shit if he had no where to go that's a him problem. You sound just as bad as he does for not putting your baby first and continuing to have him in the house even after being advised but social services and a midwife he should leave before/during/after whenever it was.

Well fine he can live in his car. Not your problem. Next time he touches you though you need to say I don’t want you touching me. It’s sexual assault. You can leave this minute if you’re going to keep assaulting me in my home. NOW. If it happens again you leave that instant- no tongue, no hand on leg, no hand elsewhere. Our child will grow up in a house where they do NOT see their mum assaulted.

OP, there will be some very harsh responses here. The reality is simple though - you and your child deserve better than this. Kick your ex out and where he lives is his problem. Access arrangements can be sorted after you and your child have had a month or so to figure things out.

Now I feel like I’ve made the total wrong decision keeping him around I thought it was in my sons best interest as everyone kept saying I would be a bad mum if I stopped contact so I didn’t after coming on here I feel as though I’ve handled it all wrong and should have left him sooner. I genuinely did try whilst I was pregnant I had no money nowhere to go I phoned the women’s charities and job centres and they said no one could help or support me as although I wasn’t working I was on mat leave I told my midwife about how I was struggling to leave due to the abuse and being afraid and no one actually helped me just said “leave” or call womens aid and when I did call womens aid I got told I would have to pay for shelter because I was on mat and it was expensive so I was best seeking other avenues and wished me the best of luck I genuinely felt like I had nowhere and no one to to turn to

It’s only now being back at work and being financially stable I can support myself in getting him to leave. Otherwise no one helped me and my son when I was reaching out even the social services just advised stay away from him no one ever discussed how I had nowhere to go and no charity or women’s aid were going to house me and I was out of work and unable to.