What is the correct age? Mobile phone

[NothingEqualsTheSplendour]

My daughter is turning 8 in a few weeks. We had mostly decided to buy her an iPad, she could use it for learning, drawing and occasionally games/watching things. She’s had Kindle Fires before but wanted to get her an actual iPad.

Majority of her class at school have mobile phones. My DH and I have always been really against this, thinking they’re really young to have one. We agreed that she could get one when she actually needs it, not just wants it, like maybe when she starts going to school on her own. She has asked a few times and we’ve told her we’d start to consider it around 10.

Now I’m starting to wonder if we’re doing the right thing? One of her closest friends has had one for 2 years! I’m trying to find the right balance between not giving in and getting her one too early, cos once we do there’s no going back, but at the same time I don’t want her losing out on some social aspect when most of the children she knows has one.

I do feel like it’s opening a whole can of worms getting one and I worry about exposing her to potential virtual bullying etc, plus social media too early. People in her class make TikTok’s and YouTube videos and I feel like she’s too young to be exposed to all this.

Am I right or am I just babying her because she’s my eldest? Should we stick with the iPad or buy a phone?

Do your children have one? What do you think the ‘right’ age is?

Definitely not 8! You're doing the right thing holding off. If the kids are interacting on their phones at that age it will only be daft stuff. Maybe set i-messages up on iPad and get a couple of friends numbers so they can still message on ther e and you can keep a close eye?
Some of my older daughters friends who don't have phones do this. At 8 I'm not sure even that is necessary really.

8 is way too young for a phone. Me and my sister agreed to only get our children one either at secondary school or if they needed to get in contact due to a club or other activity.

I agree with the reply above, try having a family iPad that allows her to interact with friends and classmates. This allows you to monitor everything including how much she uses it. Too much screen time can be negative for development so a personal phone would mean access at all times.

Unfettered access to the internet at a young age? You may as well pump raw sewage in through her bedroom window. Surely she has enough screen devices already.

iPad all the way.
Loan phones only before High School. Own phone from year 7 only.
Stay strict.
I say this as Mum to a 17 year old who actually thanked me recently for being as strict as I was on this issue as it's saved her from a world of embarrassment from her younger self.

Keep doing exactly what you're doing. There is absolutely no reason an 8 year old needs a phone. Unless you want her on TikTok and Instagram and WhatsApp, there is nothing you can do on a phone that you can't do on an ipad.

We have only just gotten dd a phone a few months after she turned 11. Even still, she uses it like an ipad, it doesn't have a SIM in it, so is wifi only. We will put the SIM in eventually, we have it, but she only ever uses it at home or occasionally at friends' houses, and doesn't need a SIM for that. It's very closely monitored. I check her messages daily. She has limits on who can interact with her. I've blocked all TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, everything like that. It's messaging with friends, the internet (with safe sites only), some games she is allowed to play with friends only, spotify for music.

She does have a couple friends who had phones before 10/11, but I would not want to plop myself in the same category of parents as those. Tbh, they're pretty rubbish parents. We met them out at a bonfire night event and they didn't even want to go out and enjoy the bonfire and the fireworks or the BBQ. They just all sat silently around a table in the village hall staring into their phones, all 5 of them, from age 8 to adults, like zombies.

One 11 year old friend tried to put TikTok on dd's phone with her account, and in taking it off, I looked at her TikTok usage. Besides having all sorts of grown men following her (grim!), she spent 25 hours on TikTok the week before. An 11 year old, 25 hours!! All that time that could have been spent outside playing, doing a sport, reading a book, having fun with friends, lost staring into a phone.

No, carry on as you are. You're doing the right thing. When they start going places independently, yes, something to consider, ahead of secondary school. But not now.

Last year of primary school seems to be standard. 8 is way too young

11 in this house, over the summer before start of high school. Yes in the minority in Y6 to be without but no need for a phone earlier IMO.

I think a child needs one for secondary school or earlier if they go out alone

Start of secondary school IMO. There's no real 'social aspect' I don't think - there's lots of nastiness, age inappropriate stuff and complete nonsense but I think she's just got a case of FOMO if she thinks she's actually missing anything worthwhile.

Thanks everyone. I’m definitely going to stick with an iPad. I have an old Apple Pencil (I have the newer version) that I’m going to give her with it so she can use it for drawing and writing as well, 2 things she does constantly. She also enjoys doing a lot of maths games etc that she plays in school.

She hasn’t explicitly asked for a phone for her birthday, she was asking at Christmas. She just keeps making slight hints like ‘when will I get a phone’ or ‘I really want a pink case when I’m allowed a phone’. I was only thinking about it because of the amount of people in her class that already have them.

I don’t know why I doubted myself, I’ve always been against getting one too young. I do consider it bad parenting tbh, especially when some of the children have had phones since ages 5-6. It’s along the same lines as when I see parents trying to force ‘relationships’ between young children. It makes me angry, it’s like trying to force them to grow up too quickly.

My 12 year is in Y7. He got his own phone at the start of Y7 and it is only an old Nokia brick phone. We are holding off on a smartphone for as long as possible.

We've already agreed ages 11 when she starts secondary school. She's 7 now and clearly wants one but really what does a 7 year old need a mobile for 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have a 12 year old, finishing up year 7, still doesn't have a phone. No downsides so far, only upsides. When he wants to make contact with friends at weekend, he uses my phone. After the initial push around end year 6/start year 7, he lost interest and never asks for one now. If he starts to push in earnest or if I think he's being disadvantaged by not having one, I will get him a brick phone. Smart phones are not for young children/tweens/young teens. Smart phones take far far more than they give. I view them as quite dangerous, the list of pros is so short compared to the grim list of cons. I'm aware that I'm an outlier and that's an unusual position for me but I feel very strongly on this subject. But anyway....for any parents not wanting to give a phone but feeling like you are the only one and your child's life will be rubbish without one....you're not and it won't.