Is this a bad approach to dinner?

[Margotskitchen]

My 4 year old has always been extremely fussy with a preference for sweeter tasting foods (as a baby when weaning would only have fruit and milk). She has been consistently under the 9th centile for height and I worry she doesn’t get enough nutrition.

I do give pudding, mostly to get calories in her, which can be fruit with cream, yoghurt, sometimes an organix biscuit and occasionally ice cream. I’ve been careful not to ban or strictly limit foods like ice cream and cake because I don’t want her to go wild for them when she has more freedom given her sweet palate!

I’ve tried serving pudding and main course at once, as I read once to do, however she’ll then just eat the pudding. I try very hard not to do good foods versus bad foods, food rewards punishments, sweet as a reward for savoury etc however I’ve noticed myself recently rewarding her for having main by offering pudding. e.g today - have your bolognese then you can have a little neopolitan ice cream. I don’t make her finish her food but encourage her have a good go. So it is eat your main, then you can have your sweet reward and I worry that this is setting up an unhealthy relationship with food. But it works.

What do people think about have your main then you can have pudding? Is this just normal parenting? Other options I’ve tried just haven’t worked.

TIA

That's what we do, but it's framed as "have your dinner then if you are still hungry you can have pudding" and "If you aren't hungry for dinner that's ok and you don't have to finish it. But then you aren't hungry for pudding either". We usually serve out a small portion of dinner to start with (1/3 to 1/2 of what DS would eat on a hungry day), he has to finish that plateful before getting more so we know they are getting a balance. He is allowed pudding after the first plateful if he doesn't want more dinner (pudding is often fruit, sometimes chocolate or cake)

This is Mumsnet so lots of people will be along shortly to tell you about the evils of sugar, but yeah I think that's pretty normal parenting to be honest.

We don't do pudding every day but if they've eaten all their dinner I might offer a biscuit or whatever, I suppose it's a reward in a way but I don't phrase it like that.

I have three children and two have been very fussy since the start, so I feel your pain and you do what you need to do. My older one is nearly nine now and eats pretty much anything though, so they can grow out of it.

Yes this is how we put it - if you're not hungry enough for dinner then you're no hungry enough for a biscuit or yoghurt etc. but if they've eaten their dinner then the pudding is there.

It’s tricky. I don’t ever make mine eat everything on their plate before pudding. But if we have it, it’s usually fruit or yoghurt which they like but luckily don’t skip dinner just for it! I also try to keep a relaxed approached about it. Are you all done or would you like some fruit etc.

Can you frame it as good nutrition rather than good/bad? ... you need to eat mostly savoury/main course, and some sweet/pudding, and that will make you healthy and strong.

Also emphasise mix of colours is healthy. Eat the rainbow etc. Easier for kids to understand than protein, carbs etc

Try getting the nutritious stuff in her as a pre-dinner snack or starter we call it in our house, e.g. a little plate of raw carrots / hummus / cashew nuts for her to eat while you cook dinner. This is the time she's hungriest and usually it goes down well.

I find it takes pressure off as by the time we sit down I know she's at least had some nutritious food first. My DD then might just eat the meat off the plate and nothing else, but I don't stress it because of what she's already had. I do pudding most nights but low-sugar stuff e.g. a homemade sponge cake with hardly any sugar in and ground almonds / fruit in the mixture etc to get the nutrition in.

Would you be able to get her a bit more involved in the process? We found our son similar age quite likes going to the shop with his cash, putting stuff in his basket (from choices we offer as we go round) and paying in the self checkout machine. Honestly it's like he's hit the jackpot when he gets the change coming out!
Then print out a recipe ideally super simple that you've typed up on the computer eg omelette or whatever and get to work making it.
More than half the time he will try something he doesn't normally if he's "made" it himself.
Obviously a huge amount of effort for you, we tend to save it for a weekend, but hopefully he will build up his range of safe foods over time.
Luckily our son is no issues with putting on weight it's just the range, sometimes I feel like he would eat plain porridge or bread rolls for every meal if we let him!
Good luck hope that's useful.
Oh and while I remember Google Ellen satter, she has a really good web site with healthy attitudes that come from the parent to the child. Well worth a look.

A friend got around the preference for sugar by serving ketchup with literally everything, or honey if they wanted that. So fish fingers dipped in ketchup, sausages or meatballs dipped in honey, etc. She worked up to honey-mustard dips.

She also learned to cook several easy Asian dishes with sweet / salty and sweet / sour sauces, generally sauces that included a little sugar. Vietnamese chicken meatballs in a sweet and sour sauce were a huge hit

She served egg and milk desserts like homemade rice pudding and bread pudding with chocolate chips instead of raisins (which her DC hated). Also, home made custard on other desserts like apple crumble, and she mixed almond flour into the crumble.

Also a hit was a grated apple and carrot salad with lemon and honey dressing, more honey than lemon.

He can have "something else" after dinner. I don't call it pudding unless it actually is a pudding: cake, ice cream, custard...

Most nights he has his dinner and then he can have a piece of fruit or a yoghurt if he's still hungry. It's never framed as "you can have cake if you eat all your dinner." It's his choice how much dinner he eats, then afterwards if he's still hungry he can have the yoghurt or fruit.

Sometimes he'll have milk and a digestive biscuit or a bowl of porridge for supper too. Sometimes he eats no dinner at all and just has supper before bed. We don't make a fuss either way, it all evens out in the end. He eats well enough.

That's pretty much what we do. I don't get this thing of service main and pudding together and I don't know anyone in real life who has said it actually works.