How can I streamline life? Struggling

[HettyMeg]

Reposting as got no response in Chat forum. DH and I have a young toddler and I often feel we're muddling through life. I'm seeing therapist for anxiety and a physio for pain caused by nerve compression. I've been advised to exercise more and relax more as I'm very tense. The trouble is I find it hard to find time for these things. I work four days and DH is full time. We also have a long list of rather urgent jobs that need to be done, including some potentially expensive anf stressful house repairs. Rarely see family as they're not nearby and we don't have many friends locally. I'm feeling very overwhelmed by it all and not seeing a clear way to manage life so need to streamline. Please, share your tips for managing it all!
Thank you.

Hello, we have a similar situation. 2 and a half year old, family not nearby, working, house renovation etc.

I have been able to drop to 2-3 days work max a week (freelance), husband works full time. His weekends are spent renovating our new house. My parents help occasionally but can only manage half a day a week absolute maximum.

I've just accepted we're in the trenches at the moment and I know that things will get easier when we move into our new house (currently in a tiny flat)

I also need to lose weight for general fitness and well-being. Still carrying a lot of weight after my pregnancy. I invested in a Swifty scooter and a kids seat for my bike. Kills two birds with one stone as my toddler is very active and can already do long trails on his bike. He's happy and I'm getting fitter. I go with him on the scooter or I take him out for the day on my bike. We're both happiest if we're outdoors in the fresh air on adventures together rather than stuck at home. I had grand plans to go swimming in the evening but I just can't be bothered once I've put toddler to bed. I find it easier to exercise while I'm out with toddler anyway. Highly recommend sorting out a bike seat, packing a picnic and heading off somewhere. It's so good for your mental health and I find my toddler much more pleasant when we're outdoors all the time- they're like little wild animals!

I would say you're really missing a trick not making friends locally. I am in a WhatsApp group of about 15 other mums who are all good friends. We met through baby/toddler groups and they have been a lifesaver for us. The dads have their own whatsapp group too. It's provided the village I've needed to stay sane: we do play dates, garden parties, meet-ups in the local park, and nights out just for the adults. Can you go to a toddler group on your day off and meet some other mums? Or invite a couple of his little nursery friends over for a play date and get to know the mums?

If I'm ever having a tough day I know I can put a message on the chat and (more often than not) at least one mum and their toddler will be around to meet up. We can go to the park and chat while the kids entertain each other. At the very least everyone has a sympathetic ear and a moan over WhatsApp. Make an effort to meet people. Absolutely prioritise it. You need friends separate from your husband. He does too. You need to be able to go on nights out and talk to other adults.

In terms of streamlining life these are the things that help me:

-Cull the toys. Keep toys in a cupboard out of sight and do a toy rotation.
-Cull your clothes. And toddler's clothes. Cull everything! I'm a big fan of minimalism. We currently don't have the space to have too many possessions anyway, but I find keeping belongings and clutter to an absolute minimum helps with stress.
-Get heavy, bulk-buy items delivered to your door and cut down to only buying fresh things in the shop
-Simplify cooking. We have porridge most mornings but with different toppings. I keep a list of dinners on the fridge that we rotate because I can't be bothered thinking about food.
-Make use of the slow cooker. We do a solid rotation of curries, chilli, and Bolognese. Other meals are kept really simple: baked potatoes, pastas, omelettes, salmon with veg and cous cous, burgers, etc.
-Don't stress over feeding toddler. Just put the same food out as you're having. If they don't eat it, give them a bowl of porridge for supper.
-I can't be bothered with anything that takes extra time. We don't do regular bath time for example. I need a shower anyway in the morning so toddler comes in with me and mucks about with his bath toys. Ten minutes and we're both washed rather than the faff of a bath just for him every evening.

Go easy on yourself. Things won't always be like this. Do your best to lean into things the way they are for now and remember these phases all pass.

Similar situation and we're moving to reliable family this month because it's too much to do solo.

My suggestions are:

Take your toddler to nursery as soon as it opens. Get an hour/+ back for yourself before work, even if it is just to rest or disconnect mentally from the grind.

Order your food shop online and have it delivered

Get a cleaner

Do anything to make life easier.

Agree with PP about culling stuff, just get rid of the excess.

Wishing you the best, it's hard 💐

Feel for you OP! It’s great you’re getting help with the anxiety and I wonder if you’ve explored medication as a temporary way to increase your capacity to deal with stress? As said previously, you’re in the trenches and things will get easier. love the suggestions of putting toddler in the shower with you and have definitely done that myself!

I find that taking the decision making out of daily tasks makes life much easier. I wear a uniform depending on what my day is like (jeans and a white t shirt at home, black trousers or a dress at work, one or two outfits for nice occasions).

I order Gousto boxes for food and have the leftovers for lunch. I’ve also tried the cherrypick app which is similar but you can order extras from the supermarket.

If general housework etc feels like it’s adding to the load, I find the organised mum method and especially the guided cleans keep me on track. I also love that it reassures me not to aim for
perfection and if I only have 15 mins to give, that is great and I have ringfenced only that time and accept whatever impact I have!

I use the calm app and commit to doing their daily calm or daily move for 10 mins a day. Often sat in the car on my lunch break. Some days I don’t manage it and I do a 1 min breathing exercise on the app when locked in the loo.

I’m working on leaving my phone in a central location at home because it ruins my productivity. I read one chapter of my book most nights.

Don't try to fix everything. Accept that some things will be messy while you have a toddler. Pick the thing that bothers you most and focus only on that. Far more satisfying to finish one thing than to half do several.

Make maximum use of childcare - drop off as early as possible and pick up right at the end sometimes so you can schedule specific tasks. If you can, take a day off when your child is in childcare just to get on top of things and to REST. You will nemote efficient when not exhausted .

My biggest tip is to do stuff when you work best to make life easier when you don't work at your best

I am rubbish at mornings so on a Sunday evening I sort out my daughters outfits for the week. Pack our day out bag for my day off and her swimming stuff for her mid week swimming lessons. In the mornings all I have to do is get us dressed and teeth brushed then it's out the door.

We alternate who puts her to bed and the other person tidied the kitchen. Then we usually get an hour after she is in bed when we still have a bit of focus to sort through life admin. Our car tax and TV licence are both direct debits so they are two things we don't have to keep hold of. We have just had some building work done and it was a series of evenings. It took a while but we just slowly chipped away at the tasks. One evening compiling a list of builders another arranging when the could come to price up. Then deciding. Then the list of things to do before they start. We have done the kitchen recently, it's taken us 6 months as we have done it piece meal rather than all in one go. For us it was more manageable and we were keeping the old units just new doors, floor and worktops.

My partner is more functioning in the mornings so he deals with admin then

Oh, and think about how family time works. Yes, it's lovely to do things together as a family. It's also good to have a day where one of you takes the toddler out to sort play so the other can do something. Then the other one takes them to the park after naptime...

Sorry you didn't get any replies before. Mumsnet has been a huge help to me at times! Just some thoughts then ...

• Get a cleaner
• Divide and conquor for one day at the weekend - one of you takes toddler, other does jobs, next weekend you swap.
• One family day at the weekend that includes maybe a film at home to all chill?
• make a 2 or 3 week meal plan that includes breakfast, lunches, dinners, snacks, and have it on a rota. Mine is on excel which we have shared. You can set up the shopping lists for an online delivery too.
• Have a shared family calendar.
• use YouTube for exercise at home.
• What's your nerve compression? Is it your back? I have herniated discs, I do my physio in front of the TV when the kids have gone to bed.

I tried to do the organised mum method for cleaning but it was way too much cleaning for me. I do some bits if her routine though, eg washing every day including getting it dry and putting it away. I put it on first thing in the morning and hang before leave the house.

Thanks for your thoughts. I have a couple of mums WhatsApp groups but they're spread out (we live in a suburb and people are located across the city) and have different days off work etc so meeting up has become difficult. I also do a toddler group which is great for mental health but we haven't moved beyond polite chat really, I've found it hard to build a village of like-minded support like you have. Bike is a good idea, might need to try that as an alternative to the slow slow walking of a toddler....!

@BecuaseIWantItThatWay best of luck with the move, it is hard doing it solo as you say. We already drop off for nursery quite early but could possibly get an extra half hour back x

@Potatomashed thank you, outfit simplicity sounds good.

Therapist has been really good so far in terms of helping me to see that I need to make changes. Have done bits and pieces of therapy before but treated them as tick box one and done type exercise.

I need Stacey Solomon to come and sort my life out but for mums!

@TinyTeachr yes we try to tag team a bit at weekends but are guilty of trying to cram too much housework etc and getting overwhelmed with toddler around... Really one of us should just take her out more on our own.

@Superscientist organising outfits in advance is something I want to do so good to know it works for you.

@Curlewwoohoo yes it's in my back. Already feeling I don't have time to do the exercises but I know I need to. How does the 2 week meal plan work? Do you just buy everything in one big online grocery order for the 2 week cycle?

I do 3 sets of clothes for 2 days with mixing and matching there are 6 combinations and usually there is an option my daughter will accept!
My daughter is just starting to want to dress herself so we have had the odd day where she has gone through the piles and dressed herself whilst I was making a coffee! Joy!

About a year ago I started a local online pilates class. There's only a small number of us and the teacher is able to watch what we are doing and give us adjustments and makes sure we are getting it right so I don't feel lost like previous online classes. It's 6-6.45 which fits in with my working day as I normally pick up my daughter for 6 having dinner at 6.30-6.45. on my pilates day my partner does the pick up and does dinner so from my perspective it's not far from a normal evening. I would try to find something that slots into the beginning or end of your day as it's easier to get into a routine

Sorry op I didn't see the notification that you'd tagged me. I made a three week plan actually on Excel sheets on my phone, I put a shopping list for each week alongside, then I did an online shop and favourited all the items. It would be worth having a look at a couple of the major supermarkets online, to see if they will let you set a standard shop up. I might have a look myself and let you know.