Does anyone work full-time with 3 kids?

[iamnewpleasebenice]

How do you manage it? What is your routine like? Do you have any external support?

My heart yearns for a third, I have a girl and boy already, I can drop to 4 days a week while husband works FT but we do not have any external support. We have the space, cars and living comfortably.

My worry however is splitting my time between 3 while also having work to think about during the day. I don't want to end up with a neglected older child, one suffering from middle child syndrome and another expected to just tag along/slot in. I want to give them as much love and affection as possible. I know I am over thinking and people are going with the flow but I can't seem to stop thinking about the impact on the current 2, will it be good or bad....

I'm currently pregnant with my third but I work part time. The only way I could see doing it was hiring a nanny and keeping my youngest (soon to be middle child) in Nursery, my oldest is in school. I've got a nanny to help with the crucial 3pm to 7pm which I understand is a total luxury, but otherwise I don't know how I would do it! I had the same concerns about the older two feeling neglected or having to change their schedules, but kids also adapt and manage. The long run of having a sibling relationship will outweigh any small sacrifices they have to make now x

How old are your two children if you don't mind me asking?

I work 45 hours a week, I’m a manager at a pub/restaurant, so I work split shifts / evenings / weekends.
my dc are 17, 15 & 9. No paid for / external help and although GPs live locally, they’ve never babysat.
its constant juggling for me, I never feel like I’ve cracked it. Constantly trying to declutter (procrastinating watching sort your life out right now, thinking I’m helping myself! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 rather than just getting on with it).
downsides for me are things like not being able to do many play dates for dc3. Both older 2 have yr 10 GCSE and yr 12 AS’level exams this month and I don’t feel I’m around as much as I should be. I have a really good relationship with them and make sure they all have individual time for catch up chats, but never feel it’s quite enough. Constantly chasing my tail with housework. We can never do family things on the weekend.

i try to make the most of the time i have with them, so proper chat on school runs, fit in a game or quick trip to park with dc3 on my split after picking him up. Quality time with the time I have rather than wasting it scrolling etc.
online shop, meal planning, try my best with housework.

Thank you.

So I work from home, Mon to Fri. I can cut down on Friday and use that day to do housework so I can spend time with my kids over the weekends.

Working full time now with 2, one in primary and one in nursery (handful toddler) and managing my home I do feel overwhelmed some days, but the moment I see them playing together I feel like another is missing. I wonder if a third will just make life harder all round or will they just fit in....

I felt the same, just didn’t feel like our family was complete. It’s not easy, but I wouldn’t change things for the world (maybe less hours at work for more money 🤞😅).

They are 5 and 2. The 5 year old is pretty self-sufficient but the 2 year old is very much in a needy, mummy everything phase!

They are 5 and 2. The 5 year old is pretty self-sufficient but the 2 year old is very much in a needy, mummy everything phase!

I have a 13 yo and a 5 yo. I often think I have easily managed a third if my body had not imposed a long age gap on me. (I’m now too old for any more).

But then I think, if that third had difficult SEN or disability it would have not been so manageable. And I tell myself I’m lucky with my two, and not to yearn for that missing middle child I was unable to have.

So I could recommend an age gap - it makes it really a lot easier.

I am wfh 4 days a week and one day in the office (45min commute each way).

As soon as one of your kids is about 10 things are much easier, I’m finding. I’m rarely flustered - I’m up at 5.30 for my morning swim while dh snoozes, back at 7am to wake up the kids and makes the pack lunches, prep for dinner and sort out laundry or other chores.

My teen can fend for herself - she takes care of our pets and gets herself ready for school and handles her own homework and travel.

I somehow find time for stories, phonics and maths with the youngest and an hour of play per day (Lego, board games, park or whatever).

I do have a weekly cleaner! Is that cheating?

We have several weekday kids’ activities and at the weekend we do family sports (mainly cycling, swimming, climbing, hiking).

I suspect I’ll look back and think this was the best and easiest time of my life.

Do you regret not going for a third?

How did you find having a toddler while your eldest when through Y6 SATs? Assuming you're in the UK :)

I do. I have 2, 4&5 year olds and I’m a full time City lawyer. The only external support we have is nursery for the younger two and wraparound care for the oldest. My family is hundreds of miles away and my in-laws are in their 80s and 90s.

My husband also works away several days a week and a lot of weekends, so I do all drop offs and pickups and bedtimes etc. when my husband is at home, obviously we split it and he’s fully hands on.

edit to say we have a cleaner who does 3hrs a week.

I do. It's fine, but we got a cleaner fortnightly after I went back after mat leave for the youngest.

It's fine, and my third fills me with complete joy, and I feel properly done now.

No family help at all, parents live hours away.

None of mine are neglected!

How old are you three if you dont mind me asking?

I do regret it a little bit, because I love being a mum and both my kids would have enjoyed another sibling, I’m sure of it. But the moment passed and now I’m content. I really am, Im not just saying it! We got some pets recently so when I need extra cuddles I just impose on them (my teenager isn’t so cuddly now, my son is still up for a cuddle usually but only on his terms - sometimes he just fights me and runs off giggling!).

I think my dh and I are at our best when we are parenting and our two kids are so different, I can’t help wondering what a third might have been like. But now it is just wondering, not a need. I had no luck conceiving between dc1 and dc2 and then a very close bereavement when dc2 was a baby AND it was Covid lockdown so I was in no position to consider a third. So we rounded down our 2.4 kids to 2 and that’s just our family destiny, if that makes sense?

Having a toddler during SATS was a breeze! My dd is quite academic and so all we did at home was practice the KS2 Spellings. Honestly by y6 your kids are so much more independent- my dd could bake cakes, walk to and from school, make her own bed.

It was MUCH harder having a toddler and homeschooling during Covid - I shudder when I remember that shitshow 😂 luckily I wasn’t working that year so I avoided the nightmare many parents went through.

I am now in my 40s and peri, but the crazy thing is I do still feel broody sometimes, and have a feeling that I could still get pregnant (can’t explain that, it’s just a hunch). I don’t know if or when those feelings will go away, it would be nice not to have pangs whenever I see a cute baby!

Thinking about it, maybe that’s why some mums crave grandchildren when they are older, perhaps that longing for a baby doesn’t go away for everyone?

I do, but they are all in their teens now and I didn't go to ft (from 70%) until they were all at secondary school.

It is worth it for me, but I never feel that I have time off, or time to just be me. Things are getting harder again now we're at GCSE/ A level stagesNow do a lot of homework support!

No family help at all, at any stage. My job is flexible around work location, no presenteeism, all task based. But I do put in more than ft hours, just spread out into evenings 🙃 I think it is objectively hard!

@JuniperHill is that feeling of not having any time for yourself significantly worse with three than two kids, do you think? I think about how our family functions and I assume quite a big economy of scale, I guess. ie three kids will play and occupy each other as well as - maybe even better than - two kids. And if I’m cooking/cleaning/laundering/shopping for gifts, I can do so for 5 as easily as 4.

So it comes down what else is incremental effort, like another “set” of birthday parties, dental appointments, play dates, extracurriculars and so on. But those are the bits I really enjoy so I would actively enjoy slotting that stuff in.

I have found “me time” is best achieved between 5am and 7am and I stopped craving extra me time when I realised i can get a leap on my day, do my exercise and admin, before anyone else even wakes up!

@SpringKitten I think for me it gets more intense when they have very different needs. I did find it more straightforward when they were younger (and wraparound care was a thing). Sports clubs, part time jobs, work experience, friendships and relationships, exams, university applications are all individual and need a surprisingly huge amount of attention! I get you on the early mornings, but tend to the other end of the day myself. l always was more of an owl plus that's when teens are alert and wanting emotional support. More hand off models of parenting do exist, and I do rather envy those set ups!

Under five

Ahhh ok, I have bigger age gaps and worry about the different needs based on different ages.

Yes but also easier because your older ones will be more independent so it's swings and roundabouts really.

I have 3 and have always worked full time. I regret not having my 4th around, so I can kind of relate to how you are feeling. mine are 6 form, secondary and late primary ages now. The age span between oldest and youngest is 8 and a half years. Theres a 6 year gap from middle to youngest.

Having a toddler for year 6 sats didn’t even register on my radar as a problem. But then, I’ve got one sitting sats, one sitting GCSEs and one sitting A levels currently, so y’know. We’ve always got something going on and mostly someone is always crying….

Its far harder when they are all in school. So, so much work every single day to get them through school. I can hardly wait until I’ve only got one in school and then omg the bliss after school is all done with. One of the hardest things about spacing them out is that Ive been dealing with school letters and school runs and packed lunches and fairs and trips and homework and parents evening and school meetings and pound for a non uniform and pe kit and instruments and breakfast club and wraparound and just bloody school drama, endlessly it seems, everyday for the last 15 years and I still have at least another 7 to go.

Working has never been a problem, other than never being able to manage to take maternity leave, and having to take them to work with me on way more occasions that would be ideal. They seem fine.

What is your gender mix if you don't mind me asking?

8 years isnt too bad, even my brother who has 2 with 4 years apart has one almost completing secondary and one almost completing primary, they will end up in different schools at some point but yes the larger the gap the longer you keep doing it I suppose, I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job.

My colleague does. She is permanently knackered and bad tempered and her kids are neglected quite frankly.

I work 4 days and a bit (nap time on the fifth day and some evenings) and have 4 children (spanning in ages from 12-2). It's really hard balancing everything and I normally don't have any time to myself until around 9.30 at night. And I cheat on lots of things (dinner is normally super simple and I have a cleaner twice a week). I feel constantly stretched and there's never enough time to give all of them what they need. But I am very hands on (two of them are studying for exams at the moment and that takes a lot of my time to help them) and I make sure that I have one on one time with each of them once per week. We also all will do a family activity one afternoon every weekend. It's fun but mad.

two of one and one of the other. One with disabilities. I don’t think mine are neglected. I’m very hands on like PP. No family help. No cleaner. Partner who works full time too. Lots of other commitments. Dogs and other pets. Caring for elderly relatives daily. I’m lucky now to work about 38 hours as I’ve worked up to 60 previously. Kids are always looked after by a parent. They do after school activities. Do well in exams. Have friends. Seem happy. Like hanging out with us.

I never get to bed before 2am but nevermind.