I have two daughters from a previous marriage living and we live with my husband, their SD.
One 12 and the other 9, they constantly bicker and annoy each other - I know this is normal and part of growing up but I can't help but feel triggered at constantly getting caught in the middle between them and getting angry at them for always upsetting each other and me. For context they have just returned from their dads for the weekend and within 25 mins of being here they started arguing - the youngest came down in floods of tears saying the older hit her with her sandals. Feeling already exhausted I asked my husband to deal with it - his approach is very different to mine. During the talking out, the eldest storms off saying to me you never believe me and you love her more than me. I ask her to come back and she gets all emotional saying she wished she had stayed at dads. I ask them both how many times did their dad have to deal with their bickering over the weekend and they said none.
i absolutely cannot tolerate the constant bickering - it always makes me leaving one of the girls upset with me and feeling like I don't believe them. My concern is the elder one is like me and the younger like my ex, hence they don't get on.
my husband thinks I'm exaggerating the situation and making it worse by responding how I do. Maybe he's right but I don't know what to do in situations like this when they both argue, both feel like they have been wronged and both look in my direction for resolving it. My eldest I feel is a passive aggressive and takes her anger out on the youngest who by no means is very annoying to her.. but I fear this is deeper than it looks. My eldest had a difficult start to the world living in a toxic house with her parents who argued constantly. I am a teacher by profession so my voice is always loud and I project it louder when I'm angry but I fear my constant loud voice/shouting and lack of patience is making me a shit mum to my girls. I'm so stuck on how to break this bickering cycke so they don't hate me in the process. I am triggered by these bickering situations more than the average person as I think it reminds me of my childhood and marriage. I just hate the fact they make each other sad when they should be happy at home .
what do I do? I'm so sad and angry.