Does my toddler love me

[Juuuu8]

Another day of chaos and now my toddler is in bed all I do is sit and worry if I’ve been a good mum

i feel guilty because I’ve had to discipline him. I gentle parent, there’s times I lose my cool and raise my voice which I am trying to work on - his new thing is kicking everyone and announcing who he will kick (🫣) including our 8 yo dog :( and he tries to kick his baby brother who is 4mo. He otherwise is loving towards his baby bro but he’s on a kick streak

So basically he’s going through a testing boundary streak which is very normal for a 2.5 yo but I feel guilt and feel like I’ve just told him off all day :( but then we have been out twice and he’s so fantastic. We had a lovely day at the farm

I just feel bad and I see parents say their kids tell them they love them and I can’t wait to hear it (he is speech delayed) but I thought does he love me or just see me as boring mum I stop him kicking everyone and stop him trashing the house (he’s also throwing a lot)

Of course your toddler loves you!

And please don't feel bad. You're doing an amazing job.

He 100% loves you, you are his world. My DS didn't really say I love you at this age but he does now (6). Holding boundaries is important and doesn't stop them loving us.

Yes he loves you but good parenting means very firm boundaries. Children desperately need boundaries. Gentle parenting often makes me do an internal groan as some parents just don't like putting boundaries in place. It's very necessary though & makes life easier for everyone & your child will be better able to socialise with others. Please try not to worry, you sound like you're doing a great job

At that age they don't really know what love is so can't tell you. It's something they feel. The fact that they can tell you anything. The way they call for you when they hurt themselves at nursery. The way they yearn for you when you're not there. He loves you OP, he just doesn't know it yet.

It's only very recently that kids weren't beaten as a form of discipline, my generation were. I don't think those generations didn't love their parents.

I'm not doing a Wes Streeting and claiming it never any harm though.

Of course he loves you! My DS is the same age (also speech delayed) and going through a similar phase with head butting and throwing rather than kicking. He threw gravel in a little girls face two days ago to my utter mortification and it’s very hard to keep cool when they behave outrageously.

Like PP’s have said, I don’t think they really understand the concept of love at this age. I can ask my DS to say “I love you” and he’ll say it as part of the bedtime routine but I know he doesn’t really get what it means. I know he loves me though when he wants to sit with me to watch CBeebies, when he brings me random gifts he’s found outside, when he hurts himself and wants a cuddle and when he wants to hold my hand if he’s unsure of a situation.

Does he not give you a cuddle? Mine is not quite two and a half and is speech delayed. Likes to sit on my head but also snuggle up on my lap. I am pretty sure you are his whole world. They cant say it yet though.

My 2 year old says I love you all the time BUT she does it because we have taught her the words and she knows she gets a very positive reaction when she says it ...she has no idea what it actually means. I'm pretty sure no toddler does.

Your son loves you more than anything, you are literally his whole world. This love is like nothing else so don't question it - enjoy it. Raising your voice will not make him stop loving you, he needs boundaries and you are a great mum for enforcing these. These boundaries will make him feel safe.

I can imagine life must be very tough with a toddler and a 4 month old, you're doing great xx

I’m feeling a bit touchy too as I mentioned we have a younger baby and I’ve been so consious since having him. When I was in hospital DS stayed out 3 nights (I had c section and then got home late so got him next day etc) and he was asking for me

When were out as a family he’ll ask to hold my hand and want to be near me and at nursery he near pick up time goes to the door staff says :) it’s like he knows when I pick him up (same time every day he’s in) so there’s little aspects

and I’ve always had a like fear if I discipline he’ll hate me. DH thinks I’m soft but I do prefer to be gentle and offer affection and there’s the odd few times I’ve raised my voice and he gets upset so I hug him and say sorry and DH thinks this is wrong but I want him to know I don’t mean that because I don’t? I need to be firm of course

I am also diagnosed with Asperger’s so I find people hard to read anyway but I find my toddler hard to read because like he can’t say it yet or understand it? If that makes sense

Yes he does give cuddles and kisses :) he’s a bit of a whirlwind haha ! So if I catch him still for a minute he does and when he’s tired or if he’s fell and hurt

he still wakes in middle of night to get in our bed and I do cherish when I pop him in he goes on my pillow and faces me❤️ and we snuggle. I am to get my youngest on bottles soon so I can get more 1-2-1 time with my eldest as I think the lack of this is making me feel guilty too

I think you've hit the nail on the head here, you are clearly feeling a bit of mum guilt because of your newborn and this is TOTALLY normal. One on one time will be great for you both, my friend had mum guilt so badly as she had a very difficult second baby who took up almost all her time, but she said one on one time with her eldest was a real game changer. It's tough right now but you'll be fine

It's worth stressing that gentle parenting is not no boundaries and no correction (that would be permissive parenting). Children feel safe if they have clear boundaries, expectations consequences. They trust you to show them how to navigate the world, it does him no favours to not learn those things. Boundaries, consequences and correction aren't punishment either.

Your son loves you and still will even if he's told off at times!