How do I deal with this?

[chattymumm]

2 kiddos but my youngest is 4mo! Eldest is 2.5 yo and is hitting peak tantrums and testing boundary behaviour!

he’s starting to kick, smack when he’s frustrated. He a bit behind on speech still babble words so I think this frustrates him more

Lately he’s having a snack, then demanding another. I say no or offer something different (he only really asks for raisins/bananas/berries or pom bears) and he has flipped. Sobbing and choking on his breath and getting so worked up - but if I offer the snack he immediately stops and is smiling happy

i know i need to set boundaries but sometimes I just want him to stop crying it makes me sad ? And also our youngest was a bit colicky as a newborn so we just got to a bit of a happier phase with her , and I’m thinking my poor neighbours haha a month or so of a bit of peace and it’s amping up again!

any tips appreciated. Thought I’d cracked parenting but a hurdle has come my way!!

It sounds like he might be struggling with the arrival of his baby sister. It’s understandable that he has some very big and confusing feelings. His speech delay will be making this even more challenging for him.

I think that it’s best to view his tantrums as a release of emotions rather than bad behaviour. I’d try validating his emotions and allowing him to be upset whilst holding the boundary E.g. “it’s okay to cry, it’s not okay to hit me. I’m going to move you over here because hitting hurts”

probably most importantly try “love bombing” him as much as you can. Give him lots of attention wherever possible (challenging with a baby I know). Avoid ‘blaming’ the baby by saying things like “I can’t do that because I’m feeding the baby” and try “oh yes id love to play! I need 10 minutes and then we’ll play. What shall we play first?”

my toddler used to say she wanted baby DS to go back in my tummy and although it was heartbreaking to hear, I would reply with “it’s hard being a big sister sometimes. I love you so much.”

I hope it settles down for you a bit x

Lots of good advice from @Sleepysaurus2 ; when you can, do try to give your older one lots of attention.

When your LO is 'demanding' another snack, why do you refuse? Maybe he's genuinely hungry. Also, his snacks sound small and healthful (except the pom bears 🐻) so surely he could have some extra berries/banana/raisins.

Hang in there!

It's a tricky age with or without baby sister and speech delay... neither of which he has had any say in!

I would try to give home some choices so that he can feel a bit more in control - if he's likely to want two snacks give him and choice of, say blueberries or banana, then when he asks for more, a choice between pombears or a biscuit. Let him choose between 2 items of clothing, or two routes for going for a walk. It's the age where they develop that sense of agency over their world but we need to stay in charge!

Good luck.

so lately we are doing options after he asks for same snack but he’s still having a meltdown :(

he has a big appetite which is great loads of toddlers are fussy and picky and he’s not! I did as a kid and I was over fed which led to being overweight then an eating disorder as I wasn’t taught good food choices and was just constantly given sh*t when I asked
so I would like to (when he’s had a meal or he’s just had a snack and doesn’t miss any other food in the day) ensure he either has something good like fruit or waits until next mealtime etc. he eats very well and we are structured

he’s been amazing with our new baby which makes me think maybe now is his time his emotions are coming out type of thing like releasing now. Because we were suprised how calm and ‘unbothered’ he’s seemed when she was born!

it’s so understandable he’s still my little man my biggest baby! I just want to understand what approach is best so thank you all <3