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Parenting

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Coparenting / Mediation

5 replies

Girlmummaxx · 08/05/2024 21:25

Has anybody gone through the mediation process before?

I have a 5 month old, relationship with coparent has turned sour. He originally stayed with us every other weekend but I felt like he had a massive impact on my every day moods so asked him if he’d start having her by himself on weekends. He’s a hands on dad, helped with night feeds since she was born & has 2 other children from a previous relationship. We split mid pregnancy and he made the pregnancy really stressful but we become close towards the end and up until recently everything was some what okay. He lives in shared accommodation so I was originally anxious about sending her but he reassured that the place was more than safe.
He was due to have her 2 weekends ago, but said it was too short notice and he didn’t have correct set up for her. So we agreed he would have her for the day, following day I dropped off items and he wasn’t in, several guys answered the day and property stank of cigarettes and cannabis. Obviously fuming that he thought this would be a ‘safe’ environment for our daughter to be staying I kicked up a fuss and said I wouldn’t be sending her for overnights in that accommodation so he would need to sort something asap. Hes since stopped payments (have now applied for CMS) and sent me a crappy text and I haven’t heard from him since he said he’s applying for mediation. I had previously asked him if we could set up a parenting plan and he refused. I have my first MIAM appointment next Wednesday, this weekend would be his weekend to have her - I have sent a text asking if he plans on seeing her at all and if he managed to sort suitable accom for overnight stays as he had mentioned he would be moving. He’s ignored my message. He originally said he was going through mediation and courts for full weekends which I’m so confused about as he hasn’t been stopped from seeing her, just needs to find suitable accom for her to stay and then he’s more than welcome to have her overnight for the weekend. He has been emotionally abusive since I was pregnant and would rather use silence instead of communication even when it comes to our daughter and me trying to be amicable. This guy has literally exhausted me in every way possible, I know we can’t force them to do their role as a parent but what’s the point in him applying for mediation when he’s the one that’s made this difficult?

What kind of things do they ask you in mediation? My heads so scrambled I feel like I should bullet point some things down

OP posts:
CadyEastman · 09/05/2024 16:18

I'd be a bit amazed if he has actually applied. He sounds like a bit of a no-hoper who might threaten Court or Mediation but probably wouldn't apply.

Is he working OP? He might have to pay for Mediation if he is.

Id save all of his messages, and yours where you are offering contact but block him on all SM and stop contacting him, especially offering over night stays. He might already have DC but in his current set up I wouldn't trust him with our Goldfish.

The Relationship Section on MN is very good if you do want some advice on how Mediation works. Might be worth looking in there Flowers

Girlmummaxx · 09/05/2024 19:10

CadyEastman · 09/05/2024 16:18

I'd be a bit amazed if he has actually applied. He sounds like a bit of a no-hoper who might threaten Court or Mediation but probably wouldn't apply.

Is he working OP? He might have to pay for Mediation if he is.

Id save all of his messages, and yours where you are offering contact but block him on all SM and stop contacting him, especially offering over night stays. He might already have DC but in his current set up I wouldn't trust him with our Goldfish.

The Relationship Section on MN is very good if you do want some advice on how Mediation works. Might be worth looking in there Flowers

Hey thank you so much for your reply,

he has infact applied we are in the process and they’ve made contact. I’ll post in above as mentioned. Thanks again

OP posts:
PineappleTime · 09/05/2024 19:13

He sounds like one of those idiot fathers who thinks the court will take his side and give him whatever he wants despite having played silly buggers over contact and not taken what he's had the option to take. It's reasonable to say you don't want your baby to go to a home where people smoke cannabis and cigarettes inside, but he's also reasonable to say that's where he lives and he doesn't have much choice about that. Hopefully the mediator will help you come to a realistic solution.

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Girlmummaxx · 09/05/2024 19:17

PineappleTime · 09/05/2024 19:13

He sounds like one of those idiot fathers who thinks the court will take his side and give him whatever he wants despite having played silly buggers over contact and not taken what he's had the option to take. It's reasonable to say you don't want your baby to go to a home where people smoke cannabis and cigarettes inside, but he's also reasonable to say that's where he lives and he doesn't have much choice about that. Hopefully the mediator will help you come to a realistic solution.

Yeah he’s said I’ve weaponised her and I’m destroying their relationship and bond yet every set weekend and extra time he makes an excuse or ignores, despite now taking it through to mediation. I’m zapped emotionally and physically and would love a break from little one too.
He definitely has a right to where he lives, but he knew I had concerns about the property being suitable and point blanked lie saying the guy who was smoking there had left hence why I was happy to send her in the first place. I’m really hoping it gets resolved reasonably, I’m a single mum of 3 so a few days to myself would be lovely at this point

OP posts:
CadyEastman · 09/05/2024 20:46

Sorry, I blame it on not feeling too well today.

Hope mediation goes smoothly for you Flowers

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