DS 5 in toxic school friendship

[Nomdaplums]

My 5 year old is in reception and has locked in with this boy in his class who I don't like at all.

I've always had doubts but kept an open mind. But I'm just observing this worrying behaviour.

His friend has a cruel streak that is unchallenged by his family. He's shy and quiet, but if you watch him, he comes out with violent stuff, he punches and kicks my DS and doesn't stop, he follows after him and gives him a 'death stare'.

I've told him off and I've talked with my son about what a good friend looks like but my DS is fixated on him. They do have fun together but the bad outweighs the good. This boy also belittles my son,saying he 'isn't smart'.

I've put a lot of time into my son and getting him into this school but I feel it's getting ruined by this toxic friend. Any ideas on what to do? It's really getting to me.

Hi OP, I've been where you are (worrying about my DS's best friend being a bad influence on him). Unfortunately you can't choose your DC's friends! I think the best approach is to encourage other friendships - organise play dates and take him to after school activities where he will meet lots of other kids - and hope that their friendship fizzles out.

I would be speaking to the school and expressing your concerns. They should be intervening on the aspects of behaviour that seem like bullying and in supporting your ds to have healthier friendships.

Beyond that, you just don't interact with him outside of school in any way unless you have to. Don't have playdates. Don't meet up at the park. Don't engage in any way and hope it fizzles out in time, which it very likely will.

Agree with both of the suggestions. I would be speaking to his Teacher. Is there one or two classes in each year? If there's more than one I'd be asking them to be put into separate classes next year.

And definitely encourage different friendships by inviting over other children from the class to come and play.

Does your DS go to any after school clubs or out of school activities?

Sadly there's not a separate class.

Great advice all, I've set up a meeting with the class teacher tomorrow and will get it all out on the table.

There's a few other boys he plays with so I'm going to set up some playdates and book an after school activity too.

I just hate this! He had the loveliest friends at nursery. I suspect that's because we had a special year group where all the kids seemed lovely. Only takes one bad egg doesn't it.

It makes me really sad that the your son’s friend is clearly not being helped by his parents to correct his behaviour. I know your child will be your priority, but could you suggest to the teacher when you meet with them that this other boy needs some support from school with his behaviour? He’s likely to be quite an unhappy little boy if he is being mean at only 5 years old. I know this isn’t your job, it’s his parents but it could help everyone in the long run and we know some kids don’t have parents like you who will speak up for their kids :)

I often think, I'd like a few months with this boy to sort him out, set boundaries etc.

I don't know, he's had a lot of time, love and attention, there's no apparent reason for the behaviour, I think it's just his nature.