Moving country with toddler and baby

[JustShark]

We live in a small city, with two kids (2.5 years and 3 months). We have a secure life with everything we need - a nice house, lots of cousins and grandparents that our kids love, decent jobs, nice community etc.

My partner applied for a job in their home country- in a city they lived in for years, their favourite city, with lots of friends still there. It was a dream job and a huge salary upgrade and career opportunity. We never thought it was possible, but then they got offered the job! At the same time a friend leaving that city offered their house for us to rent. So it seemed like an unbelievable and lucky opportunity.

So, we have decided to give it a go for 2 years - with the plan to rent out our home and come home when our eldest would start school. We are seeing it as a combination of an amazing career opportunity alongside a chance to have family adventure before they start school. They will importantly develop a deeper connection with my partner’s country and its culture etc. and it is only a 1 hour flight away (the benefits of living and moving in Europe!)

Neither of us can see it as a long term plan - we already have a great life here that we aren’t prepared to sacrifice, and we want the kids to grow up with lots of family connections nearby. That isn’t possible in the place we move to. Their family are fragmented and mostly have left that country and their mother lives about 4 hours away.

So - a 2 year adventure in a great city with the chance to come home…but we are both so worried! Particularly because our toddler absolutely loves his grandparents and cousins an incredible amount. And generally is just so happy with his everyday life, so it feels like a risk (alongside feeling sentimental and upset over leaving our home that we have made as a family, even if temporary)

Any advice from people who have done similar things?

One hour flight?
Grandparents and cousins can visit you. A lot of childrens' close family are longere away.

Enjoy!

We did this but at a much longer distance (9 hour flight). It was hard work at the time with a lot of low moments ("why did we do this to ourselves?")

AND

My teens now thank me for it! They feel very connected to both places, speak both languages, and have close connections with their family in both places. It's fun to see them reconnect with teenage cousins that they remember from the very early years.

For the parents it can be easier to integrate into a community when you have young children. Easy friendships/relationships form at the park, playgroup, etc. At least that's what I found. Good luck!

Did the same in Europe when DC were similar ages. You have to ask yourself, will you regret not giving it a go?

I think this is a great idea. Definitely find something for the children / yourself. Especially if it’s a different language you don’t speak. It can be lonely having small children, especially when you don’t have a network nearby.

I generally agree with PP who has teens but parenting has changed immensely in the last 10 years, I meet mums all the time who tell me what they did with their now tween and teenagers in our immediate area and the opportunities to meet other parents (mums) don’t exist in the same way.

Do you speak the language? And what will happen to your job?

I moved when my kids were about that age from DHs home country/family closer to mine. I just needed/wanted to be “home” again with 2 kids.
It was no problem at all. My kids didnt miss DHs family much. In fact, I think they didnt remember them much after a short time. I called them often on face time and we visited 2x a year for several years. But they never really asked much about them. I think they were still too young to be impacted much. Kids are very adaptable and forget quickly.

It is much harder now. They are 9 and 10 years and we still see DHs family twice a year (it was a very far move and the flight is 24h). Now they obviously remember and miss them a lot.

Will you be keeping a property in the UK? It sounds like a fun adventure but bear in mind the admissions deadline for primary schools is in the Jan of the year that they would start school, and you need to be living at an address to make an application. If you don't move back until after the admissions deadline then you'd be unlikely to get a place in an oversubscribed school.

We spend 4 years in 2 different European cities when our children were a similar age. We left all our family here but they came over to visit a few times a year. I’d also fly back for the weekend to catch up with my friends. Absolutely no regrets it was amazing. We came back when our youngest stated school. I’m really glad we didn’t rush back when our oldest started school as we had another 2 years before compulsory school. I was anxious about DC1 catching up as she started in year 2 but she was caught up by the end of the first school year. It hasn’t affected her academically and I think it really benefited her having 2 more years overseas and out of school.

Get over to the Two Fat Expats page on Facebook

We applied for school places using our overseas address and an address we were planning to live at in the UK. That address didn’t happen for various reasons but we still managed to get school places for both children at the same school. You’re right it wasn’t easy and wasn’t our first choice school but it turned out really well in the end!

thank you everyone for your advice, experiences and reassurance so far.

yes we will be renting out our house and moving back to it before school. It is done centrally through the council and they might just ask for proof of us moving back (eg letter of notice to tenants)

yes no language problems and my work is precarious in nature - contract will be ending 6 months after start date of partner's new job. And my career prospects aren't necessarily great wherever I am unfortunately