Two week old won't sleep without being held

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Have a beautiful baby girl born 2 weeks ago. Unlike her brother she won't sleep without being held. Within minutes of transferring her to her Next to Me cot or her Moses basket during the day she will wake up and the whole cycle of feeding and cuddling to sleep begins.

This would be fine but I also have a 2.5 year old at home who I feel like I am completely neglecting. Luckily partner is a SAHD who takes our little boy out and plays with him but the fact that I'm tethered to one spot either holding our baby or breastfeeding, makes me feel like a terrible mum to him.

Currently my partner and I are taking it in turns at night to hold her to sleep downstairs so as not to wake our son who's room is next door to ours. Frightened to death about co-sleeping so don't think this is an option for us but any other suggestions welcome - I'm desperate!

Congratulations OP on your new baby! Has there been a check for tongue tie? If not, I would have that checked

It's hard-going, isn't it? A sling can be a big help, so at least you can move around. There might be a sling library near you where you can get advice on using them and borrow one to try.

Staying up holding a baby is very unsafe. This is when people fall asleep on the sofa holding the baby and end up cosleeping in a very dangerous way. Even if you think it isn’t for you please look up safe cosleeping and how to do it incase you’re exhausted on night and need to go to sleep. At least you will have worked out how to do it safely while you’re able to think. If you never need it then it will have only been 10 mins of your time.

A sling for day time is also very useful.

My twins are almost 2 weeks old and we just try and put them down as much as possible to sleep. Over and over and over again if necessary but it does work eventually.

I also have a 17 month old. It's definitely full on at the moment.

Swaddle. Honestly the Miracle Blanket works wonders for us.

She's only 2 weeks old-she doesn't know she's not part of you yet.

Please don't hold her on the sofa. Look up safe co sleeping. And use a sling during the day. Honestly- it will pass.

A sling could be your best friend in this situation.

Things change a lot this early on. You never know in a few weeks she may be happy to sleep in a cot. It will get easier.

is your pram safe for sleeping in? We have one that wants to be held non stop too but for whatever reason she likes the pram over the crib. During the day she will sleep in a snow suit, I think it’s the feeling of being enclosed! I have to leave her by the window open when I do it though so it’s as though she is outside and won’t over heat. Too dangerous to do at night so we can only use that trick for short naps in the day!

Safe co sleeping is much safer than trying to stay awake with her sat up and holding her.

What about a side along cot? Taking it in turns to sit up with her is not sustainable and you risk accidentally falling asleep whilst doing so. Safe co sleeping would be much less risky.

Newborns are quite often like this. Your baby is just doing what lots of new babies do. Please don't think that there's anything wrong - there isn't.

Both mine were very clingy. Things that helped me were:

• A sling for during the day. Baby would sleep but I could still make a sandwich, a cup of tea etc.

• Co sleeping. It was a life saver for me. I don't think I'd have got any sleep if I hadn't. I followed all the safety advice and I ended up actually loving our co sleeping time.

• walking baby in the buggy. The only time mine would fall asleep not on someone was in the car or buggy. I often did buggy walks with the plan of just getting them to sleep.

It doesn't last for ever. Try to relax and enjoy this newborn time. They grow up so quickly.

Have you tried anything to make her crib/basket more comfy? We had similar sleep with our baby girl in the very early days. What we found helped at night:

Warm crib with electrical heated pad
White noise machine
Putting her sheet in our bed before it went in her crib

For about 4-6 weeks it felt like we were constantly getting up to settle her before things gradually started to improve. She's 3 months old now and has been sleeping through the night in her crib for the last couple of weeks. She is bottle fed so while you probably won't get the same length of sleep without feeding, rest assured that your baby will settle in her crib between feeds. As for naps, until a couple of weeks ago my baby would only contact nap but she now goes in her crib. As others have said, use a sling during the day.

We divided each night into 3 sections - bedtime until 0200, 0200-0600, and 0600 until up. Parent A did the first and 3rd sections and parent B did the middle one and we swapped night about so we were both getting some rest each night. I'm terrified of co sleeping too but until we divided the night like that, I occasionally fell asleep in bed with her, out of sheer exhaustion. Makes me shudder now.

At 2 weeks I think 5 of the 7 babies in my NCT group were like this by 4 weeks it was down to 2 and not long after just my daughter. Hopefully it's short lived and you can ride it out

I had to cosleep. For me it wasn't a choice it was either deliberately cosleep or accidentally cosleep because I was so exhausted. She woke every 3h overnight but with two soiled nappy changes per feed and holding for an hour to get her to go into the cot I got about 30-60 minutes sleep max per 3h and was developing post partum pyschosis and depression.

When I went into the mother and baby unit we couldn't cosleep and the only reasons they didn't allow it was we had single beds and bedding made of plastic (rip proof) and that could lead to overheating. They were supportive of cosleeping at home of following the guidance on the lullaby trust. Deliberately cosleeping is so much safer than doing it by accident so if there is a chance you will fall asleep please follow safe cosleeping guidance.

Thanks for everyone's replies!

Our girl has been checked for tongue tie and there isn't one. You're right, intentionally cosleeping safely is probably better than our current set-up.

I really struggled with a sling with my little boy. I also had a slight uterine prolapse with my first and I found a sling exacerbated this. I am due to be assessed for this again by a physio next month but don't want to use a sling before this.

Was hoping there'd be a magic product to buy that would help but she's only young and new to this world so perfectly normal that she wants to be held. I think we'll try swaddling again or sleeping bags but need to check she's big enough. She was only 6 lbs 11 oz when born but last time she was weighed she was 6lbs 15oz.

My first was like this. I was loosing my mind with sleep deprivation., my then partner left the bed and slept else where. I got in bed with baby in a sleeping bag . I lay down and she was nestled into my side with my arm under her head. When she fell asleep I very gradually moved a bit away from her, glacial pace, ensuring my pillow and duvet were not near her. I faced her and breathed on her ( that was surprisingly important as if I turned my face away woke up) and she stayed asleep.i could then fall asleep. I was very anxious about doing it to begin with but was a total pro by the time baby number 3 came along, good luck it’s so hard

Thanks for all your suggestions. Had a much better night. Used an Ergobaby wrap swaddle last night and baby girl slept in her Moses basket sleeping from 11-2. She woke for a feed at 2 and 5 but after being fed and nappy change she was back sleeping in her Moses basket within 30 mins - 1 hour.

I did sleep downstairs with her in her Moses basket and me on the sofa so as she's not waking my son up but thinking tonight I may try her in her cot.