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Please say I'm not alone in this...

14 replies

Wotsits4life · 06/05/2024 21:29

I need to vent...

Husband is absolutely useless and if I can't vent now I'm going to lose it.

He can't and won't do DIY, not great with money and it's me forever having to buy things for our toddler, the soon to be new baby or the house. If I mention splitting costs it becomes a bit of a salty conversation. We both work but I'm about to go on mat leave again... I carry the full mental load and do all house and childcare arranging etc.

He doesn't help with our 15 month old daughter at mealtimes, bedtime or at night. He naps a lot when he's at home in the evenings and at weekends and is able to chill out which infuriates me... He also gets mad when he's woken up from naps and says it puts him in a bad mood.

When I ask for help it's like he's doing me a bloody favour and not being an equal damn parent. I'm also pregnant with our second and due in just over a month.... So well aware I'm very hormonal, sleep deprived and ratty atm.

It got to the point where to get a break I have cancelled now twice last minute when we were due to go and see his family for the day (which isn't that often, maybe once a month ish). And honestly I see this happening again and again.

It forces him to go with our daughter on his own otherwise they'd just not see her and he'd spend absolutely no time with her.

He absolutely HATES it when I do this as it means he has to be the default parent. If I'm there it just falls on me. And in truth I get such a sense of satisfaction from this.... Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my little girl and would do anything for her. I also make sure her little bag is packed for if he's going to his parents so she has everything she needs..

This little act of petty defiance is honestly keeping me sane...and I feel insane for saying it... But life is absolutely non stop day and night for me without those couple of hours once a month. And I feel he needs to spend time with her, see his family and for me to get that break...

Are any of you in the same boat and what did you do to fix it?

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 06/05/2024 21:30

What does he bring to the relationship?

piglet81 · 06/05/2024 21:32

Why are you having another child with this dreamboat?!

Mnk711 · 06/05/2024 21:33

Have a serious conversation with him where you tell him he needs to do better and pick up more slack, so from now on you will be taking time for yourself. Just tell him last minute you're going out to XX, will see you in 3 hours. Tell him your relationship is hanging by a thread and he either needs to muck in or leave.

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Wotsits4life · 06/05/2024 21:33

GrazingSheep · 06/05/2024 21:30

What does he bring to the relationship?

At the moment more bad days than good... I just want him to actually step up and do more.. think for himself and not let it fall on me... If I drop the ball everyone suffers and it's not fair on our toddler for that to happen...

OP posts:
Cockapoopoopoo · 06/05/2024 21:35

You can't fix it and now you're having another child so it's going to get worse.

Yourethebeerthief · 06/05/2024 21:37

I felt embarrassed reading this. He's a horrible father and husband.

Autumn1990 · 06/05/2024 21:38

You have three choices

  1. leave him
  2. do everything so he doesn’t have to 3)reprogram him. If he’s capable of going to work and doing to job to his employers satisfaction then he’s capable of everything else. It’s a long hard slog though and you have to push back every single time. He’ll either get the message or leave
RedHelenB · 06/05/2024 21:39

Cockapoopoopoo · 06/05/2024 21:35

You can't fix it and now you're having another child so it's going to get worse.

This.

gamerchick · 06/05/2024 21:41

So he doesn't pay his way, he does nothing in the house and does no parenting?

What's stopping you telling him to go back to his parents so they can finish raising him properly?

HamBagelNoCheese · 06/05/2024 21:42

He must be great in bed, because it doesn't seem like there's any other qualities that make it worth keeping him around...

Hugosmaid · 06/05/2024 21:42

This is only going to get worse 😬😬

Starseeking · 06/05/2024 21:44

What did you do to fix it?

I left him.

Life is sooooo much better with just me and the 2 DC to worry about and not the 16 stone man baby.

Shiningout · 06/05/2024 21:44

I know it's not helpful at all but you know this is going to get worse op with another child. What is your plan?

LBFseBrom · 06/05/2024 21:57

piglet81 · 06/05/2024 21:32

Why are you having another child with this dreamboat?!

That was what I thought.

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