Baby’s second name

[WintersB]

Hi all..
I have two months left till my baby arrives. Two months ago my ex partner split up with me. I have since been begging and crying for us to make things work and be a family. There was no cheating or abuse, he says he was just miserable towards the end, he owns a company and I think he just wants to focus on that.. I’ve moved back home and it’s been terribly hard to cope, I’ve not seen my ex and the thought of knowing myself or the fact we are having a baby just isn’t enough for him to want to be a family together and try.. I still love him so deeply and it’s so unbearable at the moment, I know he will be involved with his son but ultimately I know I’m gonna be raising him alone at my home. Even after him telling me he sees himself better suited to someone else and he doesn’t love me anymore, I still don’t hate him, I still am so very much in love with him and I know that if he came back tomorrow I would take him back. But here’s my question question, I in no way want to spite my ex partner but is it unfair for wanting our child to take my last name? I feel like I really tried to make things work and be a family and he just doesn’t want to be a family?

Depends what the involvement will be. If you live far apart and you'll be the day to day parent as he's decided he can't be arsed because he wants to work on his business then your name. If he's going to step up and parent 50/50 then double barrel. It's what's best for the child. If both parents will be active and present in their lives they deserve both their parents represented in their name.

But here’s my question question, I in no way want to spite my ex partner but is it unfair for wanting our child to take my last name?

^ personally I think it's time all children automatically take the surname of the mother who after all gives birth to them not the man who may or may not be involved thereafter.

If you're going to be a single mum why on earth wouldn't you give the child your surname?!

This.

You're doing all the work, baby should have your surname.

Why on earth would you give the baby your exes name? It won’t be long before he buggers off into the sunset. Definitely use yours.

Thank you for your comments.. it feels like a really hard decision, I know he will be involved in our child’s life and definitely support financially but I just can’t shake this feeling.. I can’t force him to love me and be with me and be a family together if he genuinely doesn’t want to however we both agreed to have the baby and I just feel abandoned.. I just feel like why should I give up my name for my baby and give him yours when it’s you who doesn’t actually want to be a family and tell me that you will eventually be with someone else and maybe have a new family down the line.. I feel like me and baby deserve better.. but maybe I am just still heartbroken and not over it enough yet to think level headedly

Your name. Baby will spend so much time with you and you’re babies mother x

You shouldn't. Who is telling you the baby should have his name? Him, or your social conditioning? It's YOUR baby, give them your name. Yes he's the father but he's not in a relationship with you, not married to you and has no right to label the child with his name.

There is no way in hell I'd be giving my child his name especially if we aren't together