My toddler barely eats, and it’s really getting me down

[QuirkyGreenCat]

She’s 20 months and just started walking and… Just that, basically.

She’ll have toast, bananas, milk, soup, mashed potatoes, yoghurt, smoothies, rice cakes with peanut butter, cheese, porridge, pancakes… and that’s it basically.

I’ve tried all the usual advice but nothing works. Just really looking to see if anyone else has been through this and what helped, or when you realised you needed professional help? And what support is available? Feel like my health visitor will just say all the usual shite about giving her small portions, eating with her, etc etc. which we’ve tried extensively.

She used to eat Dahl, tuna sandwiches, scrambled eggs, and now she just screams and screams if I try to feed her.

Should I just feed her soup, because I know she likes it and it’s nutritious? I worry if I do this I’ll start a pattern that I can’t get out of because she’ll get so used to it.

Every time I go on Instagram I get so so gutted that everyone else’s toddler seems
to be gulping down vast quantities of avocado and fruit, and mine doesn’t. Help

20 months is still tiny.

I'd approach mealtimes as always having some 'safe' food on the plate you know she'll eat, and some other food that's less certain to be accepted. Don't make a big deal of it but praise her if she tries new stuff.

Instagram is not the truth, Instagram is what people want you to see. People don't post about average experiences. Who would make content about how their kid eats a bit of pasta and an apple? There's a bias towards smug people wanting to boast about how extraordinary their kids are.

No harm in soup, I wish my kids would eat that! Just back off a bit, you sound stressed and she'll pick up on that.

Eating in unusual places (friend's house, picnic, cafe etc) can help. As can eating at nursery or school.

Thanks, you’re right, I am v stressed about it and tbh I DREAD mealtimes. I know she’s still little so will keep persevering… I mean there is no other option 😂 But thank you, really useful advice. Will keep up with the soup and offer something else on the side too.

My DS has just turned 2. He eats -

Weetabix
Shreddies
Spaghetti bolognaise
Pasta bake
Potato waffles
Chicken nuggets
Sweetcorn

I absolutely dread meal times too as I feel like I'm just feeding him shit (I do bulk the bolognaise and pasta bake up with hidden veg but if he sees any he won't eat that mouthful).

We offer him whatever we eat for dinner but he'll just sniff it and walk away.

He had his 2 year check last week so was hoping to get some advice from the HV but she told us to just keep offering different foods so not any clearer on what we can do.

It's so frustrating and I feel your pain OP.

I think that coming up 2 and around that age is when they are finding out about making their own choices. They’re practising their No in pretty much the only area they can get some agency over.

One of mine only ate jam sandwiches and petit filou for a good while but is now adult and eats a good variety of foods. Best thing I think is to take away any drama surrounding food at all and kind of be a bit bored with it all even. Continue to offer variety but don’t comment on what’s taken.

people on Insta showing off are very unhelpful!!

Does she go to no? Does she eat well there?

My toddler went through a phase where he barely ate at home but would hoover down whatever he was served at nursery. We kept doing the same at home, serving something new with safe foods, being neutral about food. Eventually he moved past it and will try new things, but he still has favourites (anything with pasta he will demolish).

Although there are still some days where he seems to survive on air and a single lick of a banana. I gather that as long as it all balances out over the week it should be fine.

Please don't worry about it. Just put food out on the table, eat together, and swallow all your anxiety about it while you're eating. Be a picture of unbotheredness even if you're a ball of stress on the inside.

Also, you might not think it, but she does actually have a good range of foods there. Just keep serving other things too. Keep portions really really small. She can have more if she's hungry. If she's having pancakes for breakfast, put half a pancake on the plate with one strawberry quartered. Then leave her to it. If she wants more, give her more, but don't start with a loaded plate.

Soup, smoothies and porridge are great base foods. My son is two and a half and eats these too, so I bulk them out. Get lots of veg or chicken in the soup. If some of it is veg she wouldn't eat then blend it. Same with smoothies- add nut butters, spinach, chia seeds etc. I put chia seeds, flax seeds, nut butter etc into my son's porridge. I also cook one egg yolk in it. Add the egg yolk at the very end when the porridge has already cooked and is ready to serve. Stir it in quickly and thoroughly while the porridge is still on a low heat. It will melt in and you'd never know it was there. My son will eat anything in porridge if it has some chocolate chips sprinkled on top.

You can mix and match some of her foods:

Toast- spread on peanut butter and sliced banana, try sprinkling some chia seeds on top. Or mix the chia seeds into the peanut butter before spreading.

Soup- you can experiment with different recipes and different breads to dip. Sourdough, bagels, wraps etc.

mashed potatoes- try making cheesy mash or mixing in a tiny bit of veg or salmon. You can make potato cakes this way too to fry in the pan.

yoghurt- you can mix in chia/flax seeds or nut butter

rice cakes- try a very thin spread of humous, peanut butter, mashed avocado, butter, cheese spread etc

Pancakes- add other ingredients to the batter before cooking.

My toddler is exactly the same! Weirdly he's not underweight though so he must be getting enough from the very very little he does eat.

If it's any consolation, my brother was exactly the same when he was little and he's well built and pretty much eats everything and anything now as an adult

Yeah it’s very very frustrating and I feel like people with “good eaters” don’t really get it - or people with older kids who have forgotten the pain of toddlers 😂 I know what you mean about feeling like you’re feeding them junk, but I think your list is honestly fine - at least he’s getting protein and that hidden veg! I know the advice is “If they’re gaining weight, it’s probably fine”, but I think it’s much harder to take that advice in reality when you feel like you’re failing

Thank you, this is incredibly helpful x

She does eat at the childminder but is still quite fussy from what I understand. Thank you so much, reassuring to hear it’s normal and she’ll get past it eventually

Haha yeah I keep hearing this about fussy toddlers being good eaters as adults! My husband and I had to convince our toddler to try a lick of ice cream on holiday, which I imagine will be quite the funny story when she’s older and begging for sweet treats

I would say she eats a good variety having 3 under 3 all ours pretty much eat anything from Sunday roast to all cereals except porridge lol oh and 1 toddler isn't keen on peas. Some days they have seconds others they eat smaller amounts depending if there growing or now

Honestly - if you are stressed about it that will convey itself to your child and things will be very difficult a mealtimes.

It sounds as though she is having a decent balanced diet. Just bung that down for now. This phase will pass if you keep cool and jolly and no stress involved.

She's eating loads more than DS did at 20 months. She'll get there, don't worry - just keep offering variety, she will get there.

Thanks everyone - will try and dial down the stress! Also pregnant with my 2nd, so that is perhaps bringing up a lot of emotions because I’m thinking “oh god, what if her brother is also like this!” Anyway other than that she’s the absolute best, so could be worse

DD used to drive us up the wall with her eating habits when she was this age, OP. I always tried to feed a wide variety of home cooked food. She’d take HOURS over a meal, chew but wouldn't swallow, start saying stuff like ‘my thumbs feel funny’ or ‘my eyes hurt’ over a meal. Turned out she had Coeliac disease (it affects about 1 in a 100 of us), but couldn’t articulate the issues gluten-based foods were giving her. I’m not suggesting your child has it too, but just sometimes ‘fussy eating’ can be something actually ailing them!

DH and I LOVE our food so we introduced DD to a huge range of foods pretty much from when we started weaning. She'd eat all sorts- smoked salmon, curries, any fruit and veg. In hindsight I was possibly a bit smug about this 🤣

Anyway once she started approaching 2 it was like a switch and flicked and she would basically eat pasta, toast and berries and that's it. Oh and chocolate and biscuits of course...

We kind of just persevered through it and still tried to serve the same meals, made sure there was a little bit of something 'safe' on the table but some days she seemed to just survive on a lick of a raspberry 😂

She's 2 years 9 months now and we are gradually seeing her start to try foods she used to eat again. All veg is back on the table and she loves fish, things like spaghetti bolognaise, stews etc. It just took a bit of time for the phase to pass. Hang in there!

I can't stand her as a person but Lorraine Kelly's original toddler recipe is very good for meal times.

I know it’s easier said than done but honestly I’d not worry about it unless she’s underweight or unwell. Just keep offering new things alongside things she likes, sit together and don’t focus on the food. Let her explore the foods even if she doesn’t eat them, even just touching will familiarise her.

We have a fussy eater and it's horrendous. People with good eaters will never understand unless they have been through it.

If she likes peanut butter could you try a peanut butter sandwich. My DD likes the thins rather than actual slides of bread. Try spreading the peanut butter on apple slides as well. Might get her to accept a new fruit.

If she likes rice cakes could you try crackers, a firm favourite in this house - the cheddars ones. Recommended to me by another mother with a fussy eater. Again can have different toppings.

If she likes mash might she try sweet potato mash or another potato based food like waffles / smiles etc. Add cheese for extra calories.

I put Well baby vitamins in my DD bedtime bottle when she was still having that.

My DD also ate better with one of those plates split in to sections.

You say she goes nuts being fed maybe it's an independence related and she wants to feed herself. We used the Doddle cutlery.

I also saw a paediatric dietician called Anghard Banner when my DD was approx 16 months as was at the end of my tether. My DD is also quite slight. She was very helpful. Your little one is eating from all the food groups there - protein, dairy, carbs, fruit and veg etc.

It was only at 20 months that we could start to wean my daughter off formula as she was such a poor eater.

The important thing to look at is total diet over a week or even longer. My daughter goes through phases of only eating meat or living off crackers or plain pasta and olive oil. She can have just 1 meal in 2 days when she is being really difficult. We always have rejected meals in the fridge and find some times she is more receptive to it later or the following day. The other day she asked for toast for breakfast then rejected it then cornflakes which she had 1 mouthful of then she asked for rice Krispies which she didn't touch and about 40 minutes later she decided she would have the toast after all. We always offer an alternative food but keep it simple so it might be some quick cook pasta and frozen peas or toast or crackers and peanut butter. She has a lot of food allergies so she has quite a limit diet. The advantage is she's under a dietician and paediatrician which is reassuring as she gets regular checks and despite a poor diet she is following her lines and seems to be doing ok anyway