How to decide to give up breastfeeding?-18mo DC

[EndoEnd]

My DD is 18mo, and I've been fortunate enough to have been able to breastfeed her, I've cherished this for the most part (newborn stage was a bit tough). But I feel I'm starting to want my body back a bit and I'm not enjoying feeding her as much as I did before. I suffer from a few different issues which all cause daily pain for me, when I have a particularly bad flare up (not that often) the pain can be pretty debilitating and it effects my parenting; I'm unable to pick her up, my energy levels are low, I have less patience and just generally feel like a slack parent. I'm unable to take effective pain relief due to breastfeeding and paracetamol/ibuprofen are nowhere near enough to relieve the pain. This is really the main reason for me thinking about ending our breastfeeding journey, but there are a few other reasons also.

When I began breastfeeding I decided I wanted to feed her until she was ready to stop. Or at the very least until she was 2, I think this was quite heavily influenced when I read the WHO recommends breastfeeding until 2+ for the immunity boost/antibodies. I am aware that she will be absolutely fine if I stop feeding her, I know she doesn't NEED it at this age. But she absolutely loves it, she only feeds twice a day (morning and before bed) and never asks for more in the day, when she knows it's time for booby she asks for it and does a little happy dance when we sit down. I know it's part of her routine so she expects it but she definitely loves and enjoys the comfort from it and the cuddles with me.

I'm full of guilt when I think about stopping, I feel guilty for taking away the comfort she feels, also the extra immunity that it provides. My mind thinks "why would I not want to provide more protection, if I can". I'm also worried it will affect our overall bond, or the closeness we feel in those moments. And I know I will miss it too, so I don't want to regret stopping it, especially if it's basically for selfish reasons.

This post is not to open up discussions about "breast is best" or comparing FF babies. I know there are a lot of different opinions on this, and I don't want to upset any mother who was unable to BF, I'm aware that I'm lucky to have got this far. I'm just looking for some advice or previous experiences from other women who have made the decision to stop feeding. Did you regret the decision? When did you know it was time to stop? Did it affect your bond?

Thank you in advance for your help 🙏🏼

I honestly think mine would have fed on demand until he was 5 + if I'd left it up to him. I slowed it all down myself with restrictions on it from when he was 1ish. I can't remember the exact order but it involved stopping feeding when out and about, night weaning, no feeds untill after lunch etc... until we only had the bedtime feed. I did just bedtime for a few months then stopped it when he was nearly 2.5. I was surprised because he was upset the first night of no milk and then had completely forgotten about it the next night. He doesn't talk about it at all now. So although he wouldn't have stopped of his own accord he was definitely ready.

I think we had an easier time of stopping than a friend who stopped a year earlier, their lo didn't seem to take it as well and held on to comfort things like touching mum's breasts for a long time until weaned off that. But if you really have to stop for your sanity then you should just stop, which was my friend's case. You are important too.

I think if you want to wait you'll know when she's ready and you can give a little push. Maybe ditch one of the feeds first?

Thank you for replying.

That gives me some hope, I think she will be okay with dropping it as I do 24 hour shifts and she doesn't mind not having anything when I'm not there. I think honestly she's just so used to the routine of waking up and feeding and then feeding before bed.

I just can't get rid of the guilt of choosing to end it before she's ready, but it makes sense that, like your LO, she would just continue for as long as I let her.

I'm thinking of phasing out the morning one soon, I've begun offering her milk after her feed and she seems to get pretty excited for that so I'm going to just offer that to her in the mornings before booby and see if she's receptive to that.

Mine gave up themselves- one at 18 months and one at 3.5 years....so I dont know much about purposefully weaning. What I do know is you should NOT feel guilty. You have done a great job feeding her this long. She has a loving mum and it sounds like she will benefit from the end of breastfeeding too with a mum whose pain is better controlled.

I think you should stop when one or the other is ready and if you're in pain and want to take effective pain relief, that is not a selfish reason

Thank you for your kind words. I do think I need to really think about what benefits her more.

Did you feel that your bond was affected when they stopped feeding? We have such a lovely closeness, I would hate to lose that!

Did you feel that your bond was affected when they stopped feeding? We have such a lovely closeness, I would hate to lose that!

I didn't choose to stop, but DD1 stopped feeding at just over 2 when I was a few weeks pregnant with DD2. I guess maybe the pregnancy changed my milk supply. I really didn't feel like it affected our bond at all.

@EndoEnd I'm sure she'll definitely be fine if she's already down to only two feeds of her own accord at 18 months. At that stage I think I wasn't feeding out of the house, had partially night weaned and stopped feeding to sleep but was still feeding on demand during the day at home.

Yours sounds like they would be fine stopping now, even if they aren't choosing it themselves.

No, didnt affect bond at all. They still now, years later, come for snuggles all the time. And theres no difference in bond with the one who stopped earlier.

This has really helped me, and made me feel a lot better about this decision, so thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate you taking the time.

My dd is older, she is 3 but we stopped bf and 3 weeks ago, we were only nursing at bedtime and she was very sad and distressed for about a week. Week 2 she still asked but gave up.

I've definitely found her behaviour more difficult to manage since then, I'm not sure why but I guess it's affected her and it's coming out in different ways.

Personally, if it's only 2 feeds a day, I would keep going just because she's still so little and it does make a big difference to their immunity, in my experience anyway.

My dd obviously has much better language skills then when she was 18mo but even so she still took it as a rejection as though I didn't love her. It was actually really hard to do.

I've not had quite the same situation because both my DDs basically self weaned at about 12 months but stopping bf definitely hasn't affected how close we are.

At the end of the day, it's not selfish to stop breastfeeding so you can access adequate painkillers. You being in pain will affect your daughter as well as you (but even if it didn't, it'd still be a valid reason to stop) as it will affect your mood and energy levels.

What you could do is replace the feeds with something else (I'd suggest snuggles and a favourite book because my girls would like those!) that will give you a nice time of closeness and connection at the beginning and end of the day.

It sounds like a perfect time to stop OP. I had the same worries about it affecting bond when it stopped but it didn't at all. I would also suggest introducing something instead - special snuggle/book time with Mummy and teddies etc. I am sure it will be better than you fear I was surprised how quickly my son adjusted