Toddler running away

[BabyE8]

Hello just looking for some advice or reassurance that this is normal as I’m at my wits end.

DD is not long 3 and for the last 7 or 8 months has got into the habit of constantly running away when we go out. I have 2 other children (5 yo and a young baby) so running after her is a logistical nightmare. I feel like I have exhausted everything (although I probably haven’t - open to suggestions).

I have attempted the “calling her bluff” and not going after her - does not work she just keeps going (doesn’t care if I am out of sight), if we are somewhere fun such as the park, out on scooter, etc I give her a warning to come back before we pack up and immediately leave (which I follow through with), if we are out a walk I will either carry her or put her in the buggy after she has ran off from me (which she absolutely detests).

i have tried giving her a bit more freedom ie walking a few steps infront, hand holding, bag with reins etc and nothing seems to work long term. She will run away in car parks etc so the element of danger is there.

she is a clever, sweet girl albeit very feisty and defiant, she can follow some instructions very clearly and precisely which is how I know the running away is totally behavioural and pushing boundaries. She will sit nicely in restaurants, goes to bed relatively well, plays nicely with other children.

She also doesn’t follow instructions well when it comes to danger elements - ie don’t touch the oven, trying to unlock the front door, unstrapping herself from car seat, etc often I need to physically intervene with these things as she will completely ignore me when speaking. However if I ask nicely to put her socks and shoes on to go out she will do it. She is a very tricky case - I try speaking to family, friends, nursery etc but they all see a kind, well-behaved little girl and not the side that I get.

You need to get some reins for her.

I'd put her back I the buggy and explain that when she's a big girl who can walk safely, then she won't need it anymore, but for now my job is to keep he safe. Then start over with the free walking in a month's time.

It looks like it is game for her and you are playing. She is 3, she understands perfectly. It has nothing to do with behaviour. She had develop an habit. Cut it off. She does it only with you not the nursery staff because she knows she can.

Talk to her at the front door, before leaving the house. Tell her that if she runs away again in her scooter, the scooter will go in the bin. Tell her that if she runs away, she will be punished for putting herself and siblings at risks. And that if she doesn't run away, you will make unicorn cookies when you come home.

When you are out, play a game using what you see. That man in a car is a baker rushing to deliver a wedding cake, that cat is waiting to catch a mouse and ask her. Who do you think that house belong to? You boost imagination, creativity and she will forget about the running.

Solidarity as I have a runaway. He is physically so advanced, cycling independently since 3, fast , a great climber. Full of energy. But will not listen when told to wait , stop etc. He has got a bit better now that he's 4.5 but I know the hell you're going through. It's not easy. I pretty much had to bring him to safe spaces only for about 1.5 years which obviously meant we were very restricted.

She starts off on reins or in pram.
It is explained she can be let out/off reins if she walks holding the pram or your hand.
Every time she runs off- she goes in pram or on reins.

It is so dangerous not only for your little one but for others around you.

This. It is not a punishment. It is providing clear and firm boundaries to ensure her safety (and the safety of your other kids).

It's funny to her. At 3 she understands. You need consequences and they need to be boring.

I'd have the reins on her all the time. The kind you can clip the tether onto separately. The second she starts to run, don't let her get far. Catch her straight away and clip her in. Repeat repeat repeat. No big reactions from you. Just calmly clip her in each time. Tell her once why you've done it then ignore. If all hell breaks loose it's buggy/back to the car and home.

Start talking more about road safety, read books about it, raise it with nursery so they can talk more about it too.

I used reigns with my my son until he was about 3.5 and my parents used them with him for a bit longer when they took him out to busier places, just in case. He's 4.5 now and absolutely fine about walking nicely, not going too far ahead etc but it just took a bit longer and so so much repeating ourselves!