Just wanted to see what people thought of this as I feel furious!
This morning we (husband and I plus our 2 children) were invited to my niece’s (on husband’s side) first holy communion.
My daughter has a gymnastic competition next weekend. It’s her first one and she’s excited but a little anxious. Her gymnastics club only started teaching the routine 3 weeks ago, (she has one class every Saturday morning) so they have about 4 sessions in total to learn the routine. We can practice at home of course. We missed the first session as we moved house that day (no way around that one really!) so I really wanted (and so did she) to attend the class today to get the last practice session in.
The class clashed with the holy communion. We didn’t want to let our family down, so we decided to attend the holy communion, but I would leave 20 mins before the end with my daughter so we could attend the gymnastics session. We were there for the first 40 mins and saw her take communion, then left just after that.
We then joined family again for food after gymnastics at my niece’s home, having missed the last 20 mins of the ceremony where there was some singing, and then missed just a short amount of time at the beginning of the family gathering.
I didn’t know until after the family party, but my husband told me that his brother and wife (the holy communion niece’s parents to be super clear!) and up to him and asked why had we attended the gymnastics session when it was their daughter’s holy communion. He explained that we were there, we saw her take communion and only missed the end. They said ‘well it wasn’t the competition just a class so don’t understand why that’s more important than the holy communion’ and that ‘well you’re the parents so it’s up to you’ but we’re aggressive in tone. And also that ‘you shouldn’t let your kids run your life’
They are often like this- if we don’t comply with their every expectation, they will be outwardly critical. I feel judged as a parent. I don’t feel my children run my life. I wanted to support my daughter in preparing for the competition whilst also making sure we attended a family event. Because we missed an hour of time in total (the end of the ceremony and travel time and beginning of the party) they think this is unacceptable. I feel hurt, angry and judged. I feel I’ve gone into my shell this afternoon.
My husband was measured in his response. He was calm and explained why we had made the decision but then didn’t say any more to them when they carried on ranting, he just walked away. I feel like calling them to talk it through but think it’s best to not respond either as they’ll like seeing us get defensive I think. I don’t want to ‘pick up the ball’ they’ve thrown at us, best to just drop it on the floor and walk away- does that make sense?
What does everyone think of this? Was what we did so terrible? I feel like we tried to make it work for everyone, but they were clearly desperate to pounce on my husband as soon as he arrived and let him know how they felt.
They do this often. It’s how they are. I think they think we aren’t strict enough with our kids, I don’t think this is true. Just because we’re not constantly barking at them. They clearly have an issue with us, but I don’t think it’s any of their business? If we’d not turned up at all to the event, or said we’d attend and then not shown up I could understand but I feel they’re being unfair.
let me know what you think!