Continuing the 'how old do your children have to be before you leave them home alone' debate.....

[MarkStretch]

I was told at work the other day by someone who works in child protection that the guidelines followed are:

Do they know the number for the emergency services should they be required?

and

Do they know the exits out of the house in case of fire?

If you answer yes to both then technically speaking, they can be left alone at home.

I was a bit

Well my 5 year old GS knows the number for the emergency services, and knows the exits - so it's off shopping alone for me tomorrow then.

I've been down the pub for ages....

i leave DS(10) alone if i'm going to the supermarket. he has a moblie and the house phone has a programme that lets me set it to only ring my mobile no matter what button is pressed. he knows how to ring 999and how to get out in a fire. he's also not allowed people in or to use the cooker and if for any reason he feels uncomfortable he's to go to his grannys or next door. he's been very good and regularly phones to see where i am [hmmm] something tells me it should be the other way round.... he has never once abused the privilage and will come with me if i'm going to be longer than 30mins-hr.

There are no rules - you have to make sure your children are responsible enough for the situation. There's a big difference between leaving them for 20 minutes and leaving them for 5 hours, for example.

We've basically had the view with our kids that around 10 is fine for short absences, and 14 for several hours.

omg can't spell meant privilege

For once, here is a question that really is about parental judgment. You know your child and what they can cope with better than anyone else does.

I've left DS1 alone for short periods (15 minutes?). He's 6. I've only done it for trips to the corner shop, when he was poorly, so I didn't see the point to dragging him out.

I should talk to him about fire, and 999. I did tell him to not answer the door to anyone.

It really depends on the child and how mature they are. My eldest dd walked to school on her own from the age of 7 but her younger sister was 9 beofre she walked to the same school from the same house on her own becaues a) she wasn't mature enough to do so and b) she didn't feel comfortable in herself walking on her own.

One size doesn't fit all.

I guess we started leaving ds1 for short periods (10 mins) when he was about 9.5. We are no happy to leave him for up to about 30 mins if necessary.

We haven't ever left ds2 (9 next month), and I would be very hesitant about leaving them both in the house together, ever!

Markstretch, i hope you stick your baby intercom in when you go to the pub, if so,,,,, that's fine.

I have left DS1 (nearly 11) on the odd occasion - like Monday as DS2 (8) wanted to go to the park and DS1 didn't. We were about 45 mins.

DS1 was under the instructions of not answering the phone or the door.

He is very responsible, but not so responsible that I would leave DS2 with him as they would end up killing each other

The time will come Roisin!

DS1 (now 13) has been left by himself for seemingly ages now, building up from a few minutes.

DS2 (now 11) has just begun being left (at an older age that DS1 was first left, he's less mature). Ironically, he's pushed to be left for a while, but now he's given the option he often chooses to come with us.

Always worried about leaving them home together, (less so DS1 and DS3 for some reason) but having had a couple of trial runs in recent months, have just started routinely leaving them together for short bursts and it's working (for now).

Not yet left all three at home alone (that's a definite no for now).

Our rules are:
door kept locked (but has a key to get out).
list of numbers (emergency, ours, etc).
Knowledge of which neighbours to go to if the need arises (for anything).

DS2 and DS3 once did a practise fire exit...climbing out of one of the bedroom windows, over the conservatory and on to the trampoline (unbeknown to us although we were in the house.) Very good....except they broke the blardy conservatory roof .

I was talking to my mum about this the other day and she said, "oh well, we used to leave you when we went to the pub from time to time." And I said, "Yes, I remember, from when I was about 8 and db 4." And she said, "Oh, we were doing it for years before that, you just don't remember because you were asleep!"

lol, strangely I could leave DS7 alone for hours and he would just sit and watch (suitable !!) tv, feed himself cereal, peel himself fruit and bananas, and drink all the milk, and wouldn't bat an eyelid. Yet my far more responsible DD9 couldn't cope for 1 minute alone in the house ...

nought strange as kids

NQC, do talk to your ds about fire - a firefighter once told me small children tend to hide because they are frightened. He had a colleague who was renowned for his expertise in finding children huddled in wardrobes or under beds.

My ds is only 4, so it's years off, but I've tried to repeat the message about getting out and staying out in the hope it might be be second nature by the time he is old enough to be left (he has a 'Here comes a fire engine' DVD that gives the same advice).

Actually DS1 is probably ok about fire, well, better than most kids his age. My father was a firefighter, I know about the hidden children thing - there are firefighters who are particularly good at it.

At least, hopefully, they mostly hide near the floor. Safer down there.

Oh, I've been haunted by the hiding thing every since talking to that firefighter. Helpful to know there is one, tiny, positive aspect to it!

Your risk of smoke inhalation (which is what most people die of in a fire) is much much lower near the floor.

This not answering the phone - What happens if you phone home to talk to your dc? If they are not allowed to answer the phone?

For example if you were in a accident or something similar how to you then contact dc at home?

Not being funny - I used to tell my eldest not to open the door and if on the phoone to say mummy is in the bath (vunerable to let someone know you are home alone at a younger age)

I tell my youngest dd now - don't answer the landline but she is left with a working mobile phone and call display shows her who is calling.

That makes sense. I've only really gone out quickly, but the house rule now is, I have to tell DH when I go and when I come back. On the premise that the most likely disaster (unlikely though it is) is that I will get run over while out, so at least DH will know that DS1 is alone, and be able to sort it out.

omg i can imagine what I would come back to if I left my 8 yr old DD at home alone. I'd have no makeup left, she'd have eaten enough rubbish to make herself feel sick and she'd probably have rung social services herself to tell them about her terrible mother leaving her alone!! .

Definately agree it's a maturity thing rather than age, I'm hoping she'll be fine by 21! At times I feel like she still doesn't feel happy me being in another room to her (anyone else still getting a visit when trying to have a pee in peace?). However when she's with a more sensible child i.e a friend she's more than happy for me to pop to my neighbours front door. Children are worse than women to figure out I reckon

You should talk to your dc about fire in any case - you may be home when a fire starts but not able to help your dc and you would want them to help themsleves to stay alive.

Ask your dc what they would do if they heard the fire alarm sound? Ask them how they would get out of the house? How would they get out of the house if upstairs in their bedrooms? etc

Then make sure they know a few simple things they can do - wet flannels towesl etc at the door if they can't get out etc.

life lessons they need to know - they may remember some of it even if not all of it.

mybabysinthegarden - I know a couple who used to drink in the pub I worked in and they left their dc at home asleep in bed aged 8 and brother of 4 they went to live abroad some years back now - not your mum and dad was it?!

I have left DS1 (7) while I have popped to the P/O which is about 200 metres away from my house but tbh I feel happier taking him.

He does walk to school on his own though (next to the P/O) but is the only one in his clas that does. He is very sensible but I would not feel comfortable leaving him on his own for more than 5-10 minutes just yet

I will now leave my 10-year-old for up to an hour, my 8-year-old for 10-15 mins, my 5-year-old not yet. They all know about 999, but I probably need to check they know about the fire thing in a bit more detail.