Breastfeeding nightmare continuation

[Hungus93]

I have a 6 week old baby (born 2 weeks early) on board, and I'm driving myself crazy with anxiety still. I wanted to quit breastfeeding so many times already but I'm guessing some sort of an evolution glitch makes me keep going. Now even if I did want to quit I don't think I can as my baby keeps throwing up any formula she gets since a few days ago, which she never did before!

Anyway, my issue is that I have huge, saggy boobs which makes it impossible for my baby to get a good latch. I tried I think literally everything. Or I should say tried to try. Flipple, sandwich, nipple shields, rugby hold, etc. Went to see a lactation consultant twice. Saw cranial oestopath three times. Still nothing. I can't get the little one to open her mouth wide enough no matter what I try and I can't shove enough breast into her.

Now, the silver lining is that she seems to be gaining weight just fine - she was born at 3.7kg and I just weighed her and she's 5.7kg as of today, and she only turned 6 weeks yesterday. She also has plenty dirty and wet nappies.

I just feel like something is not right though. She sleeps all the time. She wakes up for the feedings herself but very very rarely has any awake windows. She will wake up screaming for boob, I'll put her on the breast and she'll fall back asleep literally few minutes later. I then take her to change her nappy when she unlatches, she will scream, and I put her back on the other boob and she's asleep again.

She did have jaundice which she was treated for, and we went to prolonged jaundice clinic as her levels didn't fall below 80 at the 14 day check, and still didn't when she was one month old (they were 109). All her tests came back normal so there doesn't seem to be a health issue. I mentioned to the doctor about her sleepiness but they seemed to brush it off as she's gaining weight.

I'm worried she's only getting enough milk to survive but not to thrive. How is she meant to fit her milestones when all she does is sleeping? Could it be that she finds breastfeeding so tiring because of the shallow latch?

Anyone has similar experiences?

You are doing so well. There are so many issues to combat and I took found myself being tied to breastfeeding because baby wouldn't take formula and just wanted breast.

The wake windows...I wouldn't be worried right now. I definitely don't remember my 6 week olds being awake for long at all.

Bluntly it sounds like you have an anxiety problem not a breast feeding problem. No weight gain problems or pain - speak to your HV and try to find a bf support group (or bf friendly playgroup).

I can sympathise with the giant boob issue - after all 3dc my boobs went from a c to a g 😭 and slowly shrunk back over 18m

Your DC will be fine feeding on their side once they learn to hold your boob (about 12 weeks), then they can do self-service at night if you co-sleep.

Good luck with the combi feeding. You might want to slow the bottle feeds down - DV has to suck hard to get breast milk, you can imagine how quickly you'd get full doing that on a bottle and that could be causing the puking.

My daughter was 8 days early and it was about 6.5-7 weeks before she stopped being super sleepy. Given they were 2 weeks early I wouldn't worry just yet and they are likely to wake up soon.
Also, there's quite a bit of variability with milestones so it's concerning when they are very behind
My daughter didn't smile or turn to sounds. It was on the 8 weeks assessment first but it was only when she still couldn't do it at 17 weeks that it was a concern. She scored poorly and in the concern category for all sections on the 4 month assessment. For her it was undertreated reflux and undiagnosed food allergies. Once her reflux is adequately treated and I went dairy free that she started smiling and responding to sounds.
40% of babies under 4 months have some form of reflux. For many they are "happy spitters" if they are gaining weight and not unhappy its not a problem. If they are struggling to gain weight or are unhappy and it's affecting their sleep and wellbeing then treatment might be appropriate or behavioural adjustments such as either keeping them upright after a feed or as was better for my daughter not moving them an inch after a feed!

Thank you for sharing this, it sounds a lot like my little one, she sleeps a lot but the poos and wees are on point. Hopefully this means it will be a chilled little human too!

Thank you ❤️ yes I keep saying that I can't wait for her to wake up but I'll probably regret those words at some point!

Yes, that is what I meant, but as you advised might not be for you.
I must admit that I did not have any problems with mixed feeding, expressing, but everything else you described deffinitely my story and it has got better after a while.

I won't repete what other people have advised but I remember thinking my little boys mouth was far too small to fit my nipples, he never tipped his head back and opened his mouth like they say the baby will. But he fed and had weight gain. Eventually he got bigger and By 3-4 months he finally started opening his mouth and BFing became so easy.
By far my favourite position to feed in those early days was the laid back, biological nursing position. No one ever really teaches this one, and I saw very very few other mums doing it. But it was a life saver for me and our breastfeeding journey.
Baby is now 7 months and still BF.

It sounds like you’re both doing great - she’s gaining weight, pooing and peeing - those are the metrics by which you measure ‘thriving’ at this age.

I had terrible trouble with my first one’s latch and tried ‘laid back’ breastfeeding - have a look on YouTube - where you get comfy and let bubs do her thing, almost independently - I was amazed!

I’d not rush to mix feed because to me it’s more faff than it’s worth and you are more than half way to really feeling that you’ve cracked bf, and it is sooooo convenient once you’re past this hard stage.

Thank you, that's reassuring to know it's not just my baby! I'm definitely mention to my HV re anxiety next week.

Yep we do, and we have the slow teat bottles. I'm not really sure what's happened to be honest!

Thank you ❤️yep, breastfeeding is kind of great but then feels so isolating at the same time!

You might be right - I was an anxious person to begin with, pregnancy and motherhood made it 10 times worse! I had giant boobs to begin with, so they haven't changed that much, maybe filled up a bit more due to milk coming in 🫠 I'm hoping the side lying can work for us at some point, I heard it does help with overnight sleeping

Thank you so much for sharing 🙏 I had no idea reflux and dairy allergy could cause the milestones problem! And yep I always try to keep my LO upwards for at least 20 mins after a feed

Thank you, and I'm happy to hear it got better for you ☺️

I’m the last one to tell any woman how to feed their baby, do what you want, but latching on is a newborn thing really. In very short order it just stops being a thing. They’ll get themselves on somehow and they don’t have to “latch”, they’ll suck your nip up like a a bit of spaghetti, they’ll latch on whilst looking behind their own shoulders, they’ll latch on upside down, they’ll latch on using the very corner of their mouth whilst concentrating on something else completely. Getting a good latch is about that newborn stage, getting a great supply, tiny mouth, new skills. I honestly think you can forget about it if your nipples are comfortable
and she’s gaining weight?

Your baby is gaining weight and having wet and dirty nappies, so you honestly don't have a breastfeeding problem. You should of course still feed in whatever way is best for you, just don't change specifically because you think there is a problem, you are doing well. Babies don't read the manual, so have no idea how they are supposed to act. Some are just sleeper than others. You will be writing another post in a few months saying my baby is too alert to sleep and that will be normal too.

Can you go see your infant feeding team? The one in my district has drop in clinics and if you need more support can give you a private appointment as well. Slightly different but mine just referred me to ENT to check for tongue tie as despite lots of wet and dirty nappies, we are still struggling with our latch. However, we have had weight gain issues. Not saying it's a tongue tie, just that there may be an underlying issue so worth pursuing.

This. But do consult a BF support group too for reassurance. Totally anecdotally DCD2 seemed to do nothing but feed and sleep for the first ten weeks and I did worry about how much she was sleeping as she didn't seem that "alert". She's doing her GCSEs this year and I can safely say she has been a joy to us in terms of her lovely personality and is creative and academically able. School teachers love her. Horribly messy and scatters her possessions around the house but you really can't have everything.

They think she was just so unhappy and distressed she didn't have any spare energy or will for engaging with the world.

Thank you for sharing, this is exactly what happens to us, she's not tilting her head or doing the wide gape, I thought maybe she had tension hence why took her to oestopath, who said she did have tension but I don't think her gape got any better to be honest. I'm slowly trying to do the biological position but sometimes it does work sometimes it doesn't. I'm hoping it will get a bit easier and better as she grows too.

Thank you so much, I really hope she is thriving and not just surviving. For the combi feeding, I know that boobs always have the perfect temperature, and no need to sterilise etc but to be honest, by the time I get all the pillows I need to feed her, and try to latch her etc, I would most likely have the bottle ready lol. I also want to make sure she takes a bottle if I ever need to go somewhere, but also I'm getting married in October when she'll be almost 7 months and I really hope I'm not going to have to strip off my wedding dress on that day 😂

I would have hoped so but all the people I've seen say no, she needs to get aerola in etc, but I'm like my aerola is almost as big as her head not sure how she's meant to get it all in?! I'm really hoping it gets easier with time, just can't see it happening at the moment!

Thank you so much. And yes I probably will miss those sleepy times in a bit, it just makes me really anxious at the moment...

I went to so many of those to be honest. The breastfeeding Cafe, la leche league meeting, the thing done by my health visitors, I think the only one I haven't gone to is one organised by my county but it's at inconvenient so may not be able to go. My infant feeding team have 1.5+ months of waiting times, hence why I went to see a private lactation consultant who did the oral assessment for the tongue and lip tie. I just think there is a bit of a misalignment with the size of her mouth vs size of my boob/nipple. Hopefully as she gets bigger it lessens though.

Awww thanks for sharing! I'm a super messy person too so won't be surprised if my little one takes after me in this regard too 😂