Mil wants to hear baby cry!!!

[bingosduckcake]

Don't get me wrong- I like to tell myself MIL is great, but I just find her painfully overbearing sometimes. She basically demanded to me and DH that we need to send her a picture of our children every day. I'm one of these people who doesn't live their parenthood through a camera lens so I never take pictures of the kids daily for myself.
Aside from this and other occasions such as kissing the baby's face all over at one week old (we made it VERY clear no kissing as baby was born at only 5lb and DS had a horrific virus at 3 weeks old which was terrifying) I have heard something from her over the past couple weeks which has made me really uncomfortable.
We live a fair distance away so FaceTime is sometimes the only option. Whenever she hears baby cry in the background, she begs DH to show her and says things like 'let me see the baby cry!! I want to see the baby cry!?' And it's like she gets joy and entertainment out of it. I find it really quite odd and it rubs me up the wrong way, whereas DH is absolutely okay with it.
I have told DH it weirds me out and asked if he doesn't show her crying, but he says he doesn't see an issue but won't do it anyway because it annoys me. What should I say to him to make him realise that it's actually quite weird?? I'm just getting super uncomfy with some of her demands and I don't know how to make DH realise.

She sounds batshit fucking crazy....sorry

How much of her demands do you do and how much does your DH do?

If it was your DH that had to send all the daily photos, DH did all the Facetimes etc he'd soon get fed up and start forgetting.

@AnnaMagnani he does the majority of it but doesn't send pictures daily as he works really long hours most days of the week. Because of issues in the past, I leave it mostly to him. I'm nice to keep the peace, so I just speak when spoken to

That's so weird. She sounds cruel so I wouldn't ever leave her alone with the baby

@HappierTimesAhead @chaticat thank you both! I'm glad I'm not just being touchy. I find it super unsettling and DH just thinks it's a normal thing to say!

Time to start being a lot less nice. Why should you keep the peace if MIL doesn't give a shit about your feelings?

Start forgetting the photos and have some stock phrases lined up if she complains: 'Sorry, so hectic today forgot''Have you asked DH, he might have some''Only pics of poonamis today''No time, think baby will look the same tomorrow''Haven't I sent one?Oops' - and then don't send a photo

Am sure you can think of more.

Agreed. Conveniently be busy when she FaceTimes. Very odd she wants to see the baby cry- is she just phrasing it wrong somehow? Maybe wants to try and sooth him through facetime(would be a bit odd but you never know). My MIL is a nightmare, I just try to avoid her to avoid snippy arguments with my husband. She won’t go away so after 3 yrs that’s my go to!

No its really weird. Someone is upset why would you want to watch them?

I'd feel the same as you. However, there's nothing you can say that will make him feel the same if he doesn't already. Your intuition is telling you this is 'icky', but you'll struggle to explain why.

The best you can hope for is that he'll listen to and respect your feelings. It sounds like he is, so that's good.

If you push it too far trying to convince him, you're likely to cause unnecessary problems between you both.

She sounds really weird!

But as an aside, you say you don't want to live life through a lens and don't take loads of photos: mine are teens now and I wish I'd taken more videos of them - they grow up so quickly, I absolutely treasure those photos of them when they were little!

We had a relative like this and also used to like it when my baby cried. It got worse and worse. Other things she did:
-Went mental at us when we were unable to bring newborn ds to a wedding really far away because she 'wanted to show him off to everyone'

• when she asked to do something with baby ds and we politely pointed out it would upset him so no replied 'well I don't care' (yes really)
• went mental at me and stormed off because she tried to force me to let her have a photo of her and tiny baby ds in the freezing cold / horizontal rain / stormy weather.
• told us (not asked) that ds be referred to as her grandson and her be 'grandma'. She is not in this way related to him so this was weird, especially the telling not even asking!

So many more. Zero contact for many years now and so much happier for it! It will be forever.

My mum is often on the side of over bearing but even she isn't like this!

During covid we could only communicate via photos and video calls. We did a video call once a week and as soon as our daughter started crying which was about 3 minutes in it was 50:50 whether I said we had to go or she said we should go. She asked for pictures maybe once a week. Now we can see her she gets them sporadically but we do her a picture book every Christmas.

I would absolutely not let her see the baby crying unless they start Infront of her and possibly would stop the call if the baby is crying you can always call back once they are settled again. Decide on a frequency you are happy with and maybe take extra photos occasionally so you can send them on another day /week. We aren't into taking photos either. I would much rather 5 photos showing a moment rather than 50 that blur to one. I would also maybe send her old photos again. Sorry been hectic today but I still love this photo from last week. You could use this tactic to break the cycle of daily photos and move to a more practical 1-2 a week

Is she Japanese? Watching Race Across The World some deliberately make babies cry as they believe the tears ward off evil spirits. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would think she hears the baby cry and realises they are nearby and awake, so wants to see them, not specifically see them crying.

I assume she doesn't say wake the baby up and make them cry for me.

Make excuses for not having time to FaceTime eg oh I am breast feeding, I have to sleep when the baby sleeps. Avoid her insane demands. My MIL wanted a pic and a call every week and it grounded my gears. I just feel that we are generally more close to our own moms and she’s just an MIL.
I used to be like you OP, giving into my MIL’s photo demands then I realised, she can ask her own son (my DH) about it. I completely stopped sharing pics. . I now avoid her messages and just say “oh I’m BF or sleeping!” . She can bother her son and her son never bothers sending her any pics. . Let your DH be bothered even my DH works long hours and it used to fall on me to send pics.. Simple OP, let her son send pics. .
And don’t let her see your kid cry. Crazy MIL. Console your kid. Thank God you don’t give in to her absurd demand. I wouldn’t leave your kid alone with her. My MIL kinda did the same, she wouldn’t give my crying baby back to me because she wanted my four month to miraculously be consoled by just her presence. Stand up now, put your foot firmly down. No silly nonsense allowed. She needs to stop being so over bearing. Avoid her and enjoy motherhood on your own terms. Put the hammer down now. I acknowledge she is an excited gm but she needs a chill pill and needs to realise now you’ve got to enjoy motherhood your own way. Was she ever bothered to do all of this when raising her kids? Bet not. She has got to realise she had her chance raising a kid, now she needs to step back. You will share her pics when YOU want not when she wants. Are you honestly going to send her pics daily for the rest of your kids life? Think of her future demands: “Oh OP FaceTime me when your kid has a first nursery drama!” No, no, no!

You are just her DIL, let your DH indulge in his mom’s crazy over bearing demands, not you and I hope your DH realises its best to console your crying kid, not shove a video call on their face when crying. Good luck.

My ils never had my mobile number. Dh dealt with the fruit cake pair... Block them op. Blame your phone /providor.. Leave it all to dh. Be unavailable for calls.

Wanting to see the baby crying isn’t that weird tbh, i think my little girl looks adorable when she cries especially when her lil bottom lip pops out, still breaks my heart, if she was asking to make the baby cry so she could see that would be weird xx

She sounds weird..
If she wants photos, let your husband deal with it.
If she wants to see the baby crying I would say to her and your husband ‘I’m sorry but I’m not comfortable with that. A crying baby needs comforting and is not a spectacle’

I have four grandchildren, mostly grown up now. I am very close to them all and often have them here and have done since they were born.
I can honestly say that I hated it when they cried. It made me so sad. I can’t understand anyone who enjoys seeing a child cry. She must need help, in my opinion. Mental help maybe? Either way, I would suggest you never leave her alone with your child, although I am sure you have sussed that out for yourself!

Many cultures perceive ‘babies cries’ in a positive way. It shows healthy lungs, a forceful and confident personality. So I guess it depends on where mil is from

My MiL similar, "you need to leave her to cry more, she needs to exercise her vocal cords, it's ridiculous you rush off if she cries". Really over bearing and very annoying. My kids much older now, but this over bearing attitude hasn't won her favours with the kids either.

I do think you need to get dh doing the daily photo, it's important for you to establish a boundary and push the communication onto him. Otherwise it really does send you mad, mat leave is not for constantly updating family. Also, every time your baby sees that camera phone, it makes it more normal to baby that phones are everything. Push communication with her to dh and enjoy your beautiful baby instead.

It’s possible your mil wants to experience everything the baby does - babies cry, it’s part and parcel of being a baby, and she doesn’t want to miss ANYTHING. If you don’t like it you should just tell her that the idea of someone wanting to see your baby cry makes you uncomfortable and politely ask her not to do this any more.

Batshit. Completely, utterly batshit.

In my opinion don’t bother with any of this. Simply say sorry I have to much to do with two small children and don’t have the time to be messing about taking pics and sending every day. Maybe, to be nice, say you’ll send a pic once a week. Stop pandering to this pathetic woman!