Demands for expensive brands

[AstonVillaAteMyGrandmother]

I'm looking for advice about how to deal with this kind of thing.

11 year old (year 6) gets fixated on certain things and at the moment it's wanting expensive brands. Nike tech and particular Nike trainers are the latest.

If you google, a new Nike tech tracksuit is over £100 and the trainers are £90. A lot in other words when we have a reasonable but finite income (and 2 other children, bills etc).

I'm not against brands per se, he has branded clothes. Some new, some from vinted. He has Nike trainers, just not the fancy pants ones. There's some on vinted but he's not keen on second hand and I understand that. But sometimes we have to cut our cloth.

Obviously I've explained the expense, only for birthdays/ Christmas thing but I wondered how others dealt with this. I could say, encourage him to save half and then I pay half etc but I wonder if other parents had words of wisdom?

My other children (one older, one younger) are not like this!

Can you say I’m will to pay x amount towards your trainers and for anything more expensive you will need to save up and may from your pocket money?

Hi Op,

I am a secondary school teacher and the things kids know about these days are crazy! I had lululemon jacket on for sports day…just because I only own gym stuff and like to buy good quality so it lasts and the kids all commented on it. I was like how the hell do 11/12 year olds even know what lululemon is!

tech fleece has become a big trend thing in schools and the pressure is massive. This no slight at your son whatsoever but the really confident kids don’t seem to care, eg a boy who is really good at football and plays for the academy of a big team literally wears what he likes and no one bats an eyelid but kids who are trying to fit in a bit more it’s very difficult.

I think your half and half idea is a good one. Could you give him extra opportunities to earn some money? Another idea is to give him a monthly clothing ‘allowance’ so say he gets £50 a month or whatever you think is reasonable and he wants a £100 tracksuit he has to save his allowance for 2 months?

Just tell him, when he's paying for them, he can have whatever he wants; but while you are paying for them, he can have what you buy him.

It’s really not as easy as this. You clearly have no idea the pressure teenagers and therefore parents are under these days. I’m all for setting boundaries but if he wants these expensive things parents can help to facilitate in a way that also teaches the child responsibilities

I present my ds with the reality.

If he wants a Ted Baker jacket, then that would mean cancelling his weekly karate sessions for the next year. Or not having a new bike. I ask him which he wants most, and leave the choice to him.

The other thing that has helped is rather than give him pocket money, I transfer his pocket money into his bank account and he has a card that he can use to make purchases. Then I say I'll pay for standard trainers but if he wants the expensive ones, he has to pay the difference with his card out of his account.

Mostly he has stopped asking for silly brands. And if he is still asking for something after a few months, it means he really does want it, rather than it just being a passing fancy, and I might buy it for him for Christmas.

We always did the "I would pay up to ... you need to save the rest"

The a PP makes some interesting observations about child self confidence that might be worth trying to sort out somehow

I think framing it around the equivalent non-designer item is helpful, ie if they genuinely need new trainers, you’ll pay £xx because that’s what you could pay in decathlon / sports direct, and DS has to save the difference from his pocket money or money gifts. I’d also be wanting DS to understand the impact of any new items on the environment and who has had to make those items.

My kids are like this too unfortunately. I tell them it's for birthdays and Christmas only, or pay for it themselves if they get money from grandparents etc. My 15 year old just bought himself a great pair of Nike trainers off some dodgy website from China.. perhaps that's what a lot of people are doing too?

I’m in the same position - my DD12 just had her birthday and I received a PowerPoint presentation of the things she wanted. So firstly I will buy items (I consider overpriced )for birthdays and Christmas only. I don’t buy them particularly outside those occasions and I’ll obviously seek discounts where I can. ( white fox do regular sales so I wait for those) I’m not doing requests for duplicates just because they’re a different colour. ( so only one Stanley cup, one pair of Air Jordan’s). I very much push second hand and we go to charity shops and vintage stores fairly regularly. Her phone and bike were both refurbished / second hand and I don’t have a problem giving those as presents. If I sell anything of hers on Vinted I let her have the money but i push her to spend it on Vinted. Funnily enough she’s not usually bothered enough to trawl through there that often. Finally I won’t buy from Shein & Temu and apparently I’m unreasonable for that ( tough shit)

My 2 are not far out of their teenage years, they also asked for things their friends had, which we couldn't afford. That was the answer we gave them, and they had to suck it up. Or they saved up their pocket money to buy it.
Facilitating them to have everything they want doesn't really teach them responsibility. Telling them it's their responsibility to facilitate it does.

I used to say 'this is the track suit x brand at £x that I'd be prepared to buy you. If you want anything different then I'm happy for you to use your saving. Or you could wait till Christmas etc'

Thanks all, some good ideas I need to consider further.

I'm certainly not afraid of saying no to my children but I don't feel it's always helpful to just refuse without coming up with some other ideas.

He's a self-confident boy with plenty of friends but I guess becoming more self-aware of his image and "stuff".

I just hope that it encourages him to get a part time job when he's a bit older - something I will definitely be pushing in a few years. And if this continues into adulthood he can use the motivation to get a well paid job!!

What pocket money do others give their children for a pre-teen and what do they have to do / buy out of it? I do give pocket money but it's minimal. I did have a chore chart they could use to earn extra but it fell by the wayside. Need to reinstate it I think!

I hope you don’t think I was saying your son isn’t confident…would never speak about someone else’s child especially as I don’t know you or him! It was just an observation from being in a school :)

Ouch to 'demands'. I hope he actually asks, nicely, for his birthday / Christmas?

For me, it absolutely is as easy as saying no, that's too expensive. It's a very important life lesson.

Contribute your own money towards it is the only way to get out-of-budget items. Money could be from gifts or working when older. Until then, it's a straight No.

I would come up with a reasonable compromise. If for example you can buy decent Nike trainers for £55, and he needs trainers then you say you happy to pay a max of £55-60 for trainers. If he wants the £90 he needs to earn them (mow lawn/ wash car or use pocket money).

Or come up with a max clothing budget per Month (work out what you would normally spend for basics, including shoes, coat. If he’s growing it will be higher). If he doesn’t spend it on clothing ie hunts bargains, he can keep the leftover as savings

My friends 10 year old asked for a Rolex last christmas!

I just say no. When you have a job and you make your own money one day, you can choose to spend it on whatever brands you want to. While I'm doing the spending, we buy sensible good value items.

But I've also talked with mine about marketing and critically thinking about branding too. It's all from social media. Mine doesn't even use social media, very limited access to the internet, so no TikTok, no instagram, maybe only a bit of YouTube. And I still get these requests because her friends spend half their life on TikTok and so of course, she wants some stupid £40 lip pen or whatever crap they're on about this week. It's about explaining the cost of things in real terms - that lip pen which you'll lose or use up in a week or whatever - costs 1/3 of your bike you got for Christmas that you love and you'll get 4 years of use out of. Or we talk about how advertising is about persuading people to be a certain way or like a certain thing, even if it's not all that nice or even something they would use. I want her to be a savvy consumer and not just be sucked into any stupid fad.

But really, it's just about saying no. Other people's parents might spend money on that, but we chose not to and that's just how it is. I agree it's an important life lesson.

"Demands" was probably a clumsy choice of words. Requests and pleads for maybe.

We've had a chat and I've decided to trial an allowance of £30 a month with the proviso that if this is spent, it's spent. This is for the expensive wants and I hope will encourage a savings habit as generally at least 2 months will be needed to buy Nike goods and the like. So it will also be a case of do I really want that.

I'm also going to come up with a more formalised chore chart although they do small things around the house already, lay & clear the table etc. This is expected regardless.

So we shall see.....

OP one of the kids bank accounts has the facility for adding chores. ( it might be Rooster). We don’t have it yet but I believe the app allows you to set tasks and tick them off as they’re done.