Convicted child sex offender nearby, would you want to know..?

[Fortiesmale]

Hello!

I am new here.

I am a man aged 46, living alone with my rescue dog, mobility disabilities, and I await a (long-awaited) adult diagnosis for both ASD and ADHD.

I am not a parent, though I would have loved to have been; for me it was about a solid relationship, which I didn't find, and now I am happy enough.

I desperately need some thoughts from you as a group, over a sensitive topic.

I have a convicted child sex offender living near me, whom told me himself and served two years; though, his story was of how he was abused by the justice system and that he is innocent.

Personally, I tried to give him a chance, at a distance, as he lives with his partner. He turned out to steal, lie to my face, and damage my property and refuse to pay for the damage, stating he would "go to war" with me. He's a small man.

Personally, I believe he did what he was accused of, because he had the same look on his face when he lied as he did when he told me about his past.

It was also confirmed by a neighbour, whom stated he has police visits monthly and is on the sex offenders register, as she is friends with his partner.

My question specifically to all of you parents of anyone under 16, would you want to know about him or not? I have set up a poll, if you wouldn't mind responding to it.

I am conflicted, because he served his time, but with my experience of how he operates, when given a chance, he shows he is in no way trustworthy and has very little integrity.

He also lives with the auntie of the girl he was convicted of assaulting, and claims the 'victim' made it up and even said so after he was released. His partner is unwell with some breathing difficulties.

I am also biased, because his idea of war is standing behind women; I had a rather large female drug dealer threaten to burn me alive because he told her I was talking about her business. I guess I was - he was buying drugs from her.

I am also aware that most people who don't want to face a difficult truth often turn on the truth teller for any personal conflict the information might cause.

This is really bothering me, and some other thoughts would be great - please note, I have a bad hand and typing is very difficult, and so my responses will be very minimal, but thank you for any thoughts that are shared on this.

Would you want someone like me to share that knowledge of his past, or not?

Thanks so much for any consideration.

J

As a parent to a young child, I would absolutely want to know. I have never understood why the community can't be notified of a registered sex offender living near families with children.
In some parts of America, there are specific places for these people to live, their names are out in the open, so people know and can choose to steer clear or not. The communities are signposted.
Because it's not law for it to be public knowledge here, I would love for a neighbour to notify me if this is the case. I'd really appreciate it.
I grew up in a nice area, but there was one man who had lived in a little house on the corner for years, and he was, and everyone knew him to be a registered sex offender. Everybody knew, so all the children were told to stay well away from that man and that house.

Once they do the crime, they should not expect the police and government to protect them, it's pathetic that they are protected here.

If you had knowledge of families with young children living near you, I'd say absolutely notify them if you thought they should know. BUT be careful of any backlash you may receive from those people.. as from what you have said, it seems they may not agree with your views.

The public aren’t generally made aware because the pitchfork waving brigade would be out, and it’s generally accepted by the organisations who manage the offender, that this poses a higher risk to public safety than the offender does.

On a personal level, I’d want to know if my children Fitted the offender’s target so that I could manage the risk (without a pitchfork!), but that ain’t ever going to happen because of the pitchfork brigade

I'd want to know

I think I'd rather know. I have three very young children and live in a neighborhood with a fairly strong sense of community, so children have more freedom than in lots of areas in this region.

But it IS still complicated, and I wish every poll included that option. Was the child he molested 17 or 5? That makes quite a difference when assessing who's at risk from him.

I guess it shouldn't make any difference to what age I'd let my children out alone given that anyone could be hanging about that I don't know about. So perhaps I'd restrict them unnecessarily.

On the other hand I think I'd want to know. Because I encourage them to talk to neighbours, to know which people they could go to in an emergency and so on, and I think it's right I should be told if one of those neighbours has that sort of conviction so that I can steer my children away from them.

I’d want to know, but a lot of people probably already live near to one. They don’t always get found out, victims don’t come forward etc.

Are you planning to out him yourself? That could be very dangerous.

Yes I'd want to know.

However it seems all this wasn't actually bothering you until you fell out with him? Now you're thinking about letting everyone know?

Yes I think this would be sensible. To inform the parents of children who fit the offenders profile and are therefore at risk.

Although I suppose you still risk pitchforkers since it would be unrealistic to suppose news wouldn't spread.

My understanding is age range 10-13 year old female.

Thanks so much for your responses; it is complicated, whichever way it's looked at; it's impossible to be both forgiving and benevolent when it is your sole responsibility as a parent to mitigate those risks, which run contrary. Very difficult.

I would and wouldn't.
The problem with knowing is it gives you a false sense of security. Oh we all know Mr Jones at no.46 is a sex offender - but - not knowing about MR Smith, Mr Stannard, Mr Patel and Mr Franks - who live just round the corner, next door, over the road may mean you think your child is safe because they haven't yet "been caught".

You're aware of 1 out of 10 local men that pose a danger to you or your child it would be easy to forget to keep your child safe from these men.

Also - knowing brings out the pitchfork types .. which target the wrong Mr Jones who lives at 46 Holliers Lane, New Town instead of the real Mr Jones that lives at 46 Hollies Lane, New Town etc.

but the problem is they won't keep that information secret will they?
Authorities: Mrs Mum your child is at risk from Mr Sex Offender because your child is a girl aged 10-13. shh don't tell anyone but keep an eye out for him....
Mrs Mum then proceeds to tell everyone she knows about Mr Sex Offender - who then tell everyone else and so on...

Yes, I would want to know. I have two convicted child sexual abusers in my family. I have never hidden this information from anyone. I know it. It's not a rumour. It's not for me to keep secret to protect anyone. If you do something wrong, it's not anyone else's job to protect you from the consequences of your actions.

Now, would I go putting their names and photos on posters around where they live? No. I don't think that's my place and it would probably constitute harassment. If it comes up in conversation, yes, I would tell anyone I was talking to.

There is a man in our village who was released from prison after a conviction for CSA. Someone posted his name and address on the village facebook group. Would I have done that? No. Do I think it was right of them to do it in that way? Probably not. Was I grateful for the information as a parent? Yep, absolutely.

We allegedly have one near us. Their victim is now an adult and posted on Fb. It had a huge impact locally, not least on the "offender's" adult children, some of whom worked in schools, because they had never been told. We had a DC at the time of the Fb post who was the same age as the victim at the time of the "offence" and were horrified.

The police's role in all this was to send out patrol cars to ward off vigilante attacks, check neighbours' gardens at night with torches etc. They live in a council property on a street where nearly half the houses have school age children. They weren't moved out or anything. I'm torn between "the individual has never said they did this", "they have to live somewhere" and "but we have loads of kids round here". We've changed the advice for our older DC when we're not in the house, so if anything goes wrong they know which neighbours to go to for help, so they know not to go to them byt not why.

I guess as least we have an idea about this. For 10 years we had no idea, until the Fb post and we'd rather know than not, but also rather he didn't live across the road.

Yes.

I don't even have kids but having the knowledge that my neighbour had been convicted of the abduction and rape of an 11 year old and possession of numerous child abuse videos (not hearsay, it's well documented in the local papers) meant I knew I had to call the police when I bumped into him with a similarly aged girl in our block.

I don't know what happened with the police but couldn't have forgiven myself if anything happened to that girl.

Excellent, thank you. This is a large part of what I am asking myself, and why I sought others' opinions...

You're right, I do have a grudge and, as I said, a bias, yes. Because of that bias, and not being a parent (the affected group), I would err toward "it's too complicated". But, I would also have to live with not having shared that information with my community if he reoffended.

It is complicated.

Well it's funny you said you'd 'give him a chance' until he robbed you. Didn't care much for the kids until then did ya aye? 🙄 🤔

Yes, I left it to the police to manage because these things are complicated and have consequences that are not usually foreseeable; the police visit him monthly in whatever capacity.

That's right, I gave him a chance; he'd been through 'rehabilitation' in a custodial setting. I learned that chance was a waste of time.

The point of the entire post is to get others' opinions as parents, not to act upon my own feelings. 😘

Thanks so much for your contribution, along with everyone else

I know there are convicted child sex offenders nearby. There will be one on most streets. I don’t need to know who. I’m not a paedo on every corner type, I’m not out for viligante justice, it’s just the plain truth that more people are sex offenders than you realise and most of them look, feel, and act entirely normally and are never convicted of anything.

Theres no point in knowing that the dodgy looking dude at number 16 is convicted when you’ve no idea that the pillar of the community, life and soul of the BBQ guy at number 18 is currently engaged in far worse. It doesn’t help.

Take your kiss back - I don't want one from a peado sympathiser (unless it's you and this is a reverse!?)

there aren't any extenuating circumstances when it comes to excusing this sexual abuse of children and I cannot believe there are still scumbags thinking there is