Over the past 18 months or more I've seen a huge shift in my DH with regards to how talks/thinks about me which seems to have started since our DD has become a talker.
Yesterday I went to my toddler's friend to drop off a birthday gift. We got chatting in the garden and her mum/toddler friends grandmother said she could take my toddler off to the garage to show her something whilst us mums caught up. I thanked her and said we'd all go. And it was just to show the kids some old games briefly.
When I came home I mentioned it in passing to my DH - stranger wanting to take our toddler into a different part of the house without me. (Our DD has never met the gran, she's also very shy, not comfy with being without me for too long so wouldn't have likely left me anyway). My DH response was "they think your nuts. You know that?! They think you have an attachment disorder because you wouldn't even let our kid go off to a garage with the gran"
It really threw me. I asked if he'd have done differently then and he said "I wasn't there was I?" It's so out of character for him but he seems to be frequently making statements that are out of the gentle concerned dad he used to be.
Another time was when it was raining and we were going out. I grabbed the coats and said could you put this on DD who DH was holding whilst I forgot something upstairs. When I came back she hadn't got it on and I said "oh, no coat DD?" And my husband said "she doesn't want it on. So she doesn't have to." I explained to DD it's raining so we need our coats and he cut me off calling me controlling and saying that as we're child-led, DD said no. He was grinning and DD was burying her head.
Rather than continue the conversation I just said "well, let's go." And DH picked up DD and kept saying if you don't want to go out, we don't have to.
Another time I was looking for something in the lounge and said to myself "ugh, where is it now?!" Everyone was playing, reading etc and I was mumbling to myself really. My DH then said "lower your tone when you're speaking to me" I said I wasn't speaking to anyone specifically and he then he chuckled and said "you're very aggressive."
He took DD downstairs for breakfast the other week and forgot to give her a drink. I only knew because I asked so I could time when she's next need a wee. And he said "she didn't ask for one" . I said it's been over 2 hours since she got up, she's not had one since 6pm the night before and how important it is. He then said about being controlling again.
I'm a fairly bouncy happy person and DD and I like to giggle together but these sort of ways of describing me, particularly as it's from DH has made me feel like I have to be quiet and not advocate for DD.
The comments seem to come out of no where. He's happy and chatty etc and then he just comes out with these sort of statements. We've moved to the other side of the country about 4 years ago when he started WFH so doesn't know anyone. He's been going to the local most nights to make friends but often complains that no one wants to talk and they're all retired. This means that we don't get much opportunity to talk when DD is asleep and discussing what we said etc.
Has anyone else been in this situation with a toddler and parenting?