Is this how it is? 3 & 1 yr old..

[SeventhFaerie07]

I have two DC, a 3 and 1 year old and lately I’m left wondering.. is this really how difficult life is now?

I absolutely ADORE them and they are my world, I’d give/do anything for them.. but they wear me down so much. I know people say that this age gap and these ages in general are difficult but I’m wondering if I’m doing something wrong or if I’m missing something that could be making my days/life in general, easier?

I work 30 hrs across 3 days of the week where both DC are at nursery, I get up on those days, get them ready, get myself ready, get them to nursery for 07:30 and myself to work for 8. I then work a very high pressured job until 6pm, DC are bought home by DH and then it’s time for bath/bed etc and I get myself to bed ready for the next day.

On the two days I don’t work, I have both DC at home with me. We go outside a lot, I try to keep their minds ticking over and we do a lot of crafts etc but those two days I find extremely difficult. There’s a lot of bickering/fighting over toys, they’ll ask to paint (or something similar) so I’ll set an activity up and 5 minutes in they’ve lost interest, they both go at TOP speed from the moment they open their eyes to the moment they close them, they generate SO MUCH mess, 90% of the time nobody listens to a word I say.. I finish the day left absolutely drained and on the verge of tears.

I do probably 85% of the housework/budgeting/general life admin and with that on top of my work hours I don’t really get any time to myself. DH is great - he’s an amazing dad, works hard, could probably pull his weight more around the house but that’s a conversation for another day…

Long post I know, but is this just how life is with two young children? Should I feel THIS defeated? Any advice very welcome.. a drained mom 🙂

I have no advice I'm afraid but just solidarity. Literally feeling like this today and wondering when this phase will end!

Today I foolishly left both children downstairs while I showered. In the time it took for me to shower (not even dress) the baby found some magnetic puzzle pieces and was happily chewing on them. I had to count the damn things 5 times to be sure she hadn't swallowed one. The day then basically continued in a constant stream of fishing crap out of her mouth and telling the 3 year old to stop pushing/screaming/snatching/yelling etc etc

I have a 4 year old and a nearly 1 year old, also work 3 days a week (although only 22.5 hours) and I totally understand your pain. I think I may have it slightly easier because 4 year old is easier than he was at 3 and the baby isn't totally mobile yet. However they are already bickering and obsessed with what the other one is doing.

I know what you mean about the days off being really hard. What helps me is that we put the 4yo in nursery 4 days, even though baby only goes in 3 because I work 3, this gives me a day with just the baby. It made sense when he got his 30 free hours to do this so he's out the way and it honestly makes life a lot easier having just 1 day on my own with both of them!!

Solidarity is good! Always nice to know that you’re not alone. It’s relentless isn’t it? I hate to feel like I’m moaning but it’s genuinely so bloody difficult.

Literally thinking this yesterday. I have a 5yo and a 5 month old and life is a SLOG. My 5 year old climbs the walls with the amount of energy he has, the house never stays tidy, the washing pile is endless, washing up accumulates by the minute. I feel your exhaustion

They'll gradually become more amenable to reason over the next two or three years. Then there will be school. It's imperceptibly slow, but it's all going to get better from where you are now.

I used to fall asleep in their room some nights when mine were the age that yours are now. I was so completely knackered.

I’m going to cling on to 4 being easier than 3! My 3 year old is amazing but he’s really owning the ‘threenager’ term at the minute 🙃 not helped by the fact that the 1 year old is a trouble maker!

I’ve actually considered increasing my days at work and sending them both to nursery for an extra day - they love the setting that they’re in and I think the structure etc is good for them but the mom guilt in me thinks I need to suck it up and do better and enjoy this time with them - can never win can we!

Oh, you’re really in the trenches with a 5 month old too! It’s difficult to entertain an older child while looking after a less than 1 year old, working around feeding times etc. Sharing the exhaustion with you and hoping for easier days to come! 🤗

Thank you so much for the positivity 😊 I often fall asleep while putting them to bed! They sleep well, which is a positive thing, as trying to cope with these days on little sleep would be a whole new ball game

Short answer: yes!

But they do grow up really fast and then I promise you’ll miss their funny little ways (you won’t miss the tantrums).

My youngest is now 5 and it is the most beautiful age, he is so loving and keen to please, and yet still mad as a hatter. He still goes at a thousand miles an hour from 6am to 8pm but at less now I don’t have to keep up quite as much!

I can tell you are doing a fantastic job.

I honestly don’t know how people manage 4 or more kids. I’m in awe.

Yup. It's relentless

I'd give the crafts a break (just creates mess, they'll do tons of that at nursery) and do more buckets and spades outside

Yes, this is life, although it's a distant memory for me, mine are 7 and 8 now and I often find myself wondering where my babies went!

It will pass, mine are in bed reading to themselves while I run myself a bath. They might get up for something, but I can just tell them to go back to bed. It def gets easier!!

Do try to go out in your days off though.

"I do probably 85% of the housework/budgeting/general life admin and with that on top of my work hours I don’t really get any time to myself. DH is great - he’s an amazing dad, works hard, could probably pull his weight more around the house but that’s a conversation for another day…"

Sorry to say it, but you'd probably feel a whole lot more rested and better if your husband did more of the mental and physical load. Being a great dad isn't doing 15%, and it'll be contributing to how you feel.

Can you afford nursery for an extra day? It would mean getting some time to yourself which it sounds like you need.

It does!

Mine are 4 and 2, and they play together and (mostly) get on well. The 4 y/o goes to nursery 3 days a week, and the 2 y/o twice a week.

The "threenager" year was by far the toughest year we've had with my oldest. She's usually a pretty easy going child, but every single minor set back or upset was the end of the world and strop-worthy. Urgh. She can still get a bit emotionally wobbly (especially when her brother has taken something away or hit her), but it's much better now. My two year old has been living up to the "terrible twos" ever since he was about 9 months old, but he's gradually calming down.

I don't do any crafts. I have colouring pencils, paper, books to hand, and if they ask, they can paint and use glue sticks. I'm also fairly lax when it comes to tidying and cleaning. So long as there's a clean kitchen and bathroom, clean clothes to wear, and everyone is washed on a regular basis it's all good. Two small kids are miniature hurricanes. You can tidy all you like, but when they pass by it's all a mess again. Do what you can, and don't sweat it. One day they'll be bigger and less messy. At least that's what I tell myself.

Mine are 5 and 2, and it's a bit easier as DC1 is at school during the day. The 2yo is relentless, but I take her out to lots of structured classes which helps to fill the time, and reduces mess at home because we are mostly not at home in the day. I'm looking forward to warmer days when we can spend the days exploring parks. Plus she naps, although she naps best in a moving buggy, so I usually get my steps in then rather than getting a rest. I don't work right now, so I'm with my youngest all the time, but I find that easier than working.

My DH helps get the dc ready in the morning and is back from work by 5.30pm which really helps. DC1 usually has an after school activity and honestly I struggle in the one hour that I have both dcs on my own before he gets home.

I don't get much time to myself until they're in bed, but I'm holding on to the thought that DC2 will start nursery in a few months and will have a bit of time for exercise and hobbies.

Yeah you are months, long, long short months away from it getting easier. But they are summer months 😍 I just got out the house loads, I was very lucky and used some great grandma "get the kids something nice with this" money to buy an annual pass to a farm and we just went all the time. They are lovely kids but they have so much energy and they talk all the time so I also put the TV on sometimes so I can have a coffee. I also turned the heater up in the car and drove the long way home to get them to nap and then I bought a drive through coffee and drank it in silence.

I feel like 4 and 2 is much easier than 3 and 1. I used to fall asleep putting them to bed all the time and I work less hours than you over 3 days. And the sickness. One of them was just always ill. We've had like six weeks free of illness and I feel like a fucking superhero in comparison to. The. Constant. Cold (now with bonus vomiting bug)