Social Services - Please Advise

[SeverusSnake]

My 11 year old DS has been having therapy. He has been struggling with high levels of anxiety and low self esteem for a while. Lately, his self destructive thoughts have become more intense ( worrying that he might hurt himself) and he has shared this with his therapist. We are waiting for assessment for DS as we think there may be some SEN involved.

His therapist called me this morning and said that due to these thoughts she needs to make a referral to social services - she said so that we and DS can get more support.

What happens now? I have got myself into a real state that they are going to come in and remove DS from my care. I am so anxious that I have caused these feelings in DS. (I have always had some degree of anxiety myself and in the last few years have gone through periods of ill health and trauma that caused PTSD). I always tired to shield my DC from these thins but clearly with DS I have failed. I am m not sure what support social services can offer that we aren’t assessing ourself - private therapy, private SEN referrals etc.

I guess social services may also check to see if your DC qualify as young carers if you have had mental health difficulties over a period of years. There are specific schemes for young carers which are fabulous.

I don’t think we’d qualify for young carers - he doesn’t provide any emotional or physical support. And as much as I’m sure he might have “learnt” anxiety from me I try and shield him from it as best I can. I’m really scared social services will think we aren’t good enough for DS. I’m more scared that they might be right. Him struggling so much at such a young age must come from somewhere.

If he is neuro diverse then preteens/early teens is often the age when the masking/coping starts to show cracks. It's nothing you've done.

I have a teenager with ASD and ADHD. Primary school was mostly OK. Secondary school has turned into a disaster of anxiety and generally not coping. There is self harm.

The more I researched it the more common I realised mental health issues at this age are.

I expect you'll get Early Help referral. I actually found it very helpful. They couldn't solve the issues but they were a shoulder to cry on and someone sympathetic to talk to about it all.

They're not going to take your son away. You're a mum asking for some help because your child is finding things difficult. That's the actions of a good mum.

Why does this suddenly feel like NetMums? Who calls themselves "ParenthoodPal" and posts in that formulaic way? Is it AI? Or an MN pilot measure? <freaked out>

Anyway OP, personally I'd make contact with SS first, telling them you're aware that a referral has been made by X concerning support for Y, and provide them with a full set of contact details/additional information/good times to call/whatever. The real purpose being to seize the initiative, show willing and sound competent and engaged. Don't panic.

Hi OP,

Please do not worry about social services involvement. For context I’m an assistant headteacher in a secondary school who oversees safeguarding so I believe my advice will be pretty accurate.

The therapist has a code of conduct to refer if they think a child is at risk of being harmed or harming themselves, in your case the latter. Is the therapist private of through CAMHS? The reason I ask is that you say you are waiting for a SEND assessment- is this through CAMHS and who has made the referral if so?

social services only ever remove children at immediate risk of harm whereby they feel the parents can not provide the support needed. This is not the case here. As PP says they will likely offer what is called an early help assessment. This is the ‘lowest’ level of support whereby a worker can be assigned (not a social worker) to sign post you to further support, do direct work with your family themselves etc. This is voluntary and you do not have to engage with it if you don’t want to, however it sounds like this could be good for you and your DS?

if you need and advice please get back to me as I often feel things are not explained to parents properly and it can be very scary.