11yr old step some wrote list of things he hates! Everything on list was people!

[Politelimepeer]

Sat in the living room this morning and 11 yr old step some announces that he has wrote a list of all the things he hates and reads it out: chavs, Pakistanis, Liverpool, fat people, crack heads etc. Nothing in the list was a "thing". Especially not something you expect to hear from a ten year old? Would have thought it would be the dentist, homework, having baths not racist and nasty things about people that are different to him!

I think this is really worrying but his dad just thinks he's being silly. Not only the contents of the list but the fact he sat in bed writing about hating people. Am I overreacting? Obviously he's not my kid so I will not say too much but if this was my son I would be taking hia phone off him for a week and taking him to a counsellor!!!!

Sounds like he spends a lot of time on social media.

If you'd take him to a counsellor for that I advise getting your seatbelt on for the teenage years.

I think his internet access needs to be very strictly monitored. Which probably will never happen 🤷‍♀️

I would not accept that in my house - he needs to know it is entirely unacceptable.

Whos house is it?

Mine and his dad's. What especially worries me is his little brother, my baby, growing up listening to things like this and thinking it's ok!!!

Would your husband be interested in doing any research into the real harm being done to children by access to social media?

He's clearly a boy who's full of hatred and his father is not prepared to do anything about it.

Do you and his dad have children together?

Are you married?

If you're not married, whose house is it?

Edited for typo.

well, you are not in a position to refuse him entry then, I guess, but this needs addressing urgently, and if your DP isn't on board with that, I would be questioning the whole relationship.

He is old enough to get arrested for statements like that

This is foul and he’s getting powerfully influenced by someone/something. But even if my kids were exposed to racism they would know it’s racism and know it’s wrong, because we have discussed it with them, as has their school in PSHE lessons.

Your H needs to deal with this head on and explain why this thinking is totally wrong. If he doesn’t it’s a huge unforgivable parental failure.

Yes it’s horrible - racist, classist, completely lacking empathy. Where does he get these views from?

I'm a bio mum so always feel defensive of the kids. I think you are right to be concerned. What on earth is wrong with his dad. In this situation I would sit my son down and we would be talking about this in detail. Where did this come from? Have you had bad experiences with people from Pakistan?

I have had a similar situation where my son said something I felt was off and we spoke about it in length. I'm the most liberal, accepting, empathic, open person so I'm telling you this in case you jump to think the mum is behind it. She may be but peers, social media and YouTube have alot to answer for.

I personally would set some very strong boundaries on this with your partner. Basically something like,' I am incredibly uncomfortable with this. It may be nothing but we have a responsibility here regarding how this boys views are shaped and I want to understand where this has come from and how we can help. I'm not ok with just letting this go'

It's not your job as SM I do appreciate that. Alot depends on your level of involvement with the boy. Could you, would you feel comfortable to have this chat with him.

Some people here may think I'm over reacting. I've come into contact with too many vile disgusting men with views and morals I deplore that make me particularly hot on this. Others may see it differently. I'm interested in other responses.

I don’t think my 10yo would know what half of these words are. Certainly not crack heads or chavs.
He’d be told it was completely unacceptable from me despite what his dad says. I’d be very worried about where he’s getting this from

You tube is an absolute minefield. I watch it with my son. My son is very bright, yet he is Autistic. Yes I'm generalising, but he is someone who has such intelligence and inquisitive nature he knows significantly more than many his age. He is generally very mature and responsible. We recently had an issue where he said something hateful about a transgender person. I try be open, accepting, understanding. For the life of me I don't understand where this has come from.

Some kids really are different, more aware, more influenced. Some have experiences that may make them hateful. We have so much responsibility on us in this age to counter these views. In OPs scenario I am saying dad needs to blimmin step up.

As always the kids will carry the can for the failing of the adults. ( I don't include you in that OP)

I’d be more concerned that his father, your husband and also parent to your own child doesn’t give a shit about this.

DSS is old enough to understand that these are not acceptable things to say. The fact that he is making this list in a way that you can all see it means that he is trying to see how you react. He is indirectly asking for help. By Dad not following up on this, calmly (your reaction is no better as it is more likely to push DSS away), he is condoning those views and not safeguarding DSS from whoever is giving him this information.

Is this the kind of man you want to be with?

DSS could be in danger of being drawn into serious trouble if the people sharing these messages with him are more appealing than a dad who ignores him. This is one the school can support with, as they will have a picture of how DSS is in a different context from your home, ie is this the only concern, and will know what resources are available locally, through their Prevent duty. Dad (ideally - or you if he won’t as safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility) needs to speak to the designated safeguarding lead rather than the class teacher.