Advice on how to navigate sisters hen do?

[Jaggy1]

Hi,
min currently 19 weeks and due on 18th of September. He is our first baby and we cant wait to meet him!
my sister is getting married in November, the logistics of this are a little easier as we will have a room at the venue and a MIL who will stay at the venue to take baby when I have bridesmaid duties it’s all planned.

my problem is with the hen do. My mum is organising this and planning it for the last weekend in October/first weekend in November or around then, she’s planning a large house in the countryside about 40 mins away from my house for three nights, with activities during the day and dinners drinking hot tub etc.
i have said that I’ll just need to wait and see how everything goes, when I actually give birth and stuff will determine how I tackle it really but I just feel I am totally dreading it.
i keep telling people there no way in hell I will want to leave baby for a night never mind three and I’ll need to work something out, to which my mum just keeps telling me ‘oh you’ll want a break when he’s here trust me you’ll love it’, I absolutely know this won’t be the case I can’t imagine leaving him for a few hours never mind a weekend! I know it all depends on how he’s fed and if he can take a bottle etc but I just wondered if anyone has any ideas on possibile solutions? I was thinking I could maybe just attend the day part and go home each night or do a few hours on a two days and then just stay one night, I know my partner would have help and he’d be fine but it’s really me I’m worrying about!
anyone have any advice or experience of similar 😭

A weekend away when your baby is approx 3 weeks old? Absolutely no chance this would have worked for me.

option 1, agree to everything and drop out last minute
option 2, be upfront and say no thanks

I would politely and firmly decline. The last thing you will be wanting to do with a brand new baby is a hen do.

You will still be recovering from the birth!

My sister got married when my baby was 10 days old which was actually quite easy to manage but I couldn’t have left him for a hen do.

I know I cannot imagine it whatsoever and I’m getting really pissed off with people telling me how I’ll feel when the time comes 🤣
my sister is the most easy breezy person ever she won’t care if I come and go and pick and choose what to do just feel like my mums totally expecting too much and then when I inevitably don’t go for as much as she’d like she’ll be annoyed cause she said I’d be fine and dying to get a break 🤣🙈
starting to not really care though think it’s more of a rant really as I can’t even imagine any suggestions that fit 🤣😭

God, I'd have loved the break!!! You do what's best for you op, wishing you all the best

Hell I left ds 10 months for 1 night for our own wedding night !! It killed me and he isn't even my first!!

Honestly people have no clue. I remember a friend banging on about a murder mystery housewarming party 3 weeks after my due date....she was really pissed off about my utter refusal to make concrete plans...
DS1 was induced 13 days after my due date. Few things didn't go the best so I was still in hospital on the party date.

Thankfully your sister is easy-going. I'd just be non committal with your mum and try not to let her wind you up

Just smile and nod and play it completely by ear. I had an easy natural birth but ds refused to take a bottle so I would have been totally fine driving back and forth each day but would have needed to take ds with me. No way I’d have stayed away overnight with or without him. Others who went longer before birthing with CS couldn’t drive by then.

I think people forget. Find some photos & videos of 3 week old babies to prompt her memory.

Mate, don't go.

You could go overdue, end with stitches or a a c-section, you'll likely still be bleeding by then, still getting the hang of breast feeding/expressing, cracked nipples, and generally UTTERLY exhausted.

Sounds like a nice idea to join in with some daytime plans but honestly I'd tell them now you won't be staying for three nights.

Your mum is being ridiculous. It's highly unlikely you'll feel like going to any of it if you're recovering from the birth and establishing breastfeeding and working through the sleep deprivation. In the happy event that you bounce back quickly and want to go along to something, just do it. Otherwise tell your mum very firmly that the timings don't work and your health/baby's health is the priority. I really wouldn't give this insane suggestion any more head space. If you have a firm dh, get him to back you up.

Thank you!
ive only just been ranting to him about it aswell and he’s the same he knows I won’t be able to leave for that time, not that im seriously really considering it anyway.
it’s just strange im always on my mums side for everything we always agree but this is just really annoying me the way she’s being.
Will do as PPs have said and forget about it for now though, got so much more to think about it’s not worth the stress I think it’s just nice to see back up of my point here, might show her this thread if it’s a sticking point later 🤣♥️

Snowball's chance in hell I would have been up for a night away from any of my babies at that age, let alone three.

I agree with meeting them during the day for a couple of hours.

I wouldn't have been up for this so soon after my births. Even if a smooth birth and bottle feeding it's too soon for travelling, drinking and dressing nicely.

I wouldn't have been away from my bairns for even a few hours at that age BUT they were both breastfed AND I had birth injuries both times that still hadn't healed by that point so under no circumstances would I have wanted to stay anywhere but home.

I can see a possible situation where you have a super straightforward birth with no injuries AND a chilled baby who is exclusively bottle fed, and might want to stay one full day or even one night away there. More than that I really can't imagine anyone would want to at that stage tbh.

I'd consider renting an Airbnb close by, so that you can pop in/out depending on how you're feeling. It might be that some bits, your sister would be happy with you popping in with the baby. Or just give it all a miss.

Personally, I'd have felt physically and emotionally up for it (2 planned sections), but wouldn't have wanted to start away from my baby overnight. If baby is breastfed, then it will probably be very difficult logistically.

No chance in hell.
Ignore your mum.

I just typed a whole long reply about birth recovery, injuries etc but I think it doesn’t really matter if you had a straightforward birth and baby sailed out or not. You don’t want to go. Your sister won’t mind. At the very try least you’ll be very sleep deprived and hormonal. Just don’t go. This is boundary number one you need to set as future parent to your little one. Your mum senses are saying this won’t work for you. Listen to them. It’s really hard especially with family, but stand firm.