Not getting on with NCT group

[Ladybuglamp]

My husband and I moved to our area about a year before we had our baby (now 6mo). We don’t know anyone in our town and not many of our friends have kids yet, so we decided to pay the premium on NCT in the hope we could make some parent friends!
At first it seemed promising as everyone was up for being quite social after classes and it felt like we had a good group.
When the babies were about 6 weeks, we started meeting up for walks, coffees, baby classes. It was a little forced and awkward at first, but I thought this would subside after we got to know each other properly and I enjoyed their company none the less!
However, fast forward 6 months and it still feels forced and awkward, and nobody really seems up for doing much anymore. I keep inviting the group to do things (baby classes, coffees etc) and most of the time nobody even bothers to respond in the WhatsApp group now.
They all seem a bit uptight and serious, with babies on very strict nap schedules, whom they are quite happy to sit indoors with, trying to get them to nap and logging their every movement on an app all day.
Whereas I tend to go with the flow more and love to leave the house and do something everyday.
Admittedly my baby does sleep very well at night (which I have kept a secret so they don’t hate me) - and they all sound as though they’re having sleepless nights. I have wondered if it’s just sleep deprivation that’s causing an issue but deep down I just think we’re very different people.

For those who have done NCT does this sound typical for the group to drift after 5-6 months?? And how on earth do I find people I gel with? Everyone at baby classes already seems to be in a big NCT group already and I’ve still got another 6 months of mat leave ahead of me!!

Like anything it’s luck of the draw! Some NCT groups gel better than others. I still have one very good friend from mine 10 years ago but the rest drifted at various stages.

keep going to baby groups, maybe look for a baby/toddler group as the people there are less likely to be attending ‘with their nct group’ and you might have more luck to find similar minded friends.

You're not stuck with these people for life now, just move on from them!

I met lots of people at baby groups, you sound quite outgoing so just go to as many as you fancy and you'll meet people soon enough.

It feels forced and awkward because they are not your tribe. I found the NCT lot round here a dry bunch...I had nothing in common with them except kiddos.

I made a couple of lifelong friends in other places...one at a local baby and toddler group (not NCT) and the other in the doctors' waiting room.

Yes its natural to drift once the babies get a bit older and you realise that your "friendship " was just because you happened to be pregnant at the same time.
You will meet loads of people as your DC goes to classes, starts nursery then school etc. Now DS is 18 I have mum friends where he isn't particularly close to the pal anymore but we had lots in common.

That sounds fairly normal.

Our group drifted after about 6 months, The babies developed at different rates and people have different parenting styles. I still have one close friend 15 years later but never hear from the others.

We started to drift once everyone who worked had gone back to work after maternity leave. Of the 7, I now only see two of them.

This was me OP, and funnily enough 4 years later I am now close with 3 of the group. I too found at that time when the babies were small and life revolves around naps etc it can be a bit irritating and I think as British people we can all be a bit proud. I know my group kept stuff quiet when the babies weren't doing things, but shouted from the rooftops when they hit a milestone and it was annoying at times, but what you'll fine is after a year and after certain milestones are reached, you all just become parents struggling to deal with toddlers (who are hard work) and you bond over that more.

It sounds like they’re just not your type of people, it’s just kick who you get out in a group with for NCT. I’m on maternity leave at the moment and found a good group of friends through going to pregnancy yoga and then meeting up with them and others at baby groups. I live in a small area so everyone tends to go to the same groups and stays for drinks and cake after.

Keep going to classes. 2 of my friends are ones I met with either of my children at class. Keep going, it kept me sane! No longer speak to any of the NCT families, just because we were pregnant together didn’t make us friends.

You don't click and that's fine. Don't force it. You may meet other people organically in baby groups and other activities. Don't worry too much. I had my son during Covid and nct was mostly online. There were only 2 couples in our group and I just didn't gel with them. It was awkward. I was happy to not see them outside of the group. I also had my DS 6 weeks early so it was easier to pull away. Our teacher was awful and I complained and got a 50% refund too. I find a lot of these parent activities forced. I don't click with many people but that's fine. All you have in common is a similar aged child! My DHs cousin had a similar experience and she's very likeable and sociable.

Sounds similar to my experience, they are not your people. I did something brave back then - I started my own baby group meet up. The first week I sat on my own, second week 2 new mums came.. then before I knew it we had bumps and babies everywhere! It's became such a supportive network, I'm still friends with many of them years on! All we had in common way back then was our new found parenting hell.. some would turn up and cry, others would boast about their amazing gifted child lol. It was such fun, I'd highly recommend doing it.

Volunteer for the local NCT committee. Dutch your group.

It’s pot luck. Mine was a wash out too, but then I met some lovely long-term friends at buggy fit - we’d do the exercise class with our babies then go for coffee after and it grew organically from there

They're other women who happened to be pregnant at the same time as you. So might not have anything else in common. So it's not surprising you're not meeting up.

We didn't bother with NCT and also didn't know many people. I made friends by going to toddler groups - not the baby classes, the groups in church halls that cost about £2. You get more chance to talk to people as you're not in a class. They all tend to have a baby area available and my baby enjoyed watching the toddlers' antics. You find the people you have things in common with - for me these were mostly mums at a different stage to me. And later on I made friends with mums joining with younger babies.

I didn't do NCT but did some other pre childbirth classes run by a local private midwife (years ago before my son was born) in the hope of similar OP, and like you was disappointed. The group didn't gel, all very different types people, plus it was in a rural area (I've since moved) and some of them lived miles away so was not practical to meet regularly.

Anyway don't be disheartened OP, you will meet your tribe eventually but I'd also be open to fact friends you meet locally do change over time. Where I currently live, when on mat leave with my daughter, I became very good friends with another mum and then in turn with a group of women I met through her. Before my daughter went to school, she moved back to Australia. I was gutted but have since firmly found my local parent tribe (which is shared with my DH with him becoming friends with a bunch of them on his own terms) via my kids primary school.

We made it to about 18 months before it all started drifting, we're all still friends on Facebook book. I'm still good friends with one mum, but our husbands clicked as well which is a nice bonus.

Our NCT group barely made it to the end of the first year tbh. We just totally didn't click with each other and every meeting felt forced.

I went to NCT parent groups all that when DD was small. I never got on with any of the mums (or occasionally, dads). Socially I'm very different from my neighbours (nappy valley, middle class) because we come from different worlds.

Same with when she went to school, I couldn't stand most of the other parents. I understand that's because I'm the one who is different, but still.

And even if I did make a parent friend it wasn't for ever. Especially if DD fell out with their child!

For expert advice I relied on friends and family. I live a long way from some of them so we would ring, text or video chat.

Now DD is almost an adult and in charge of her own social life, I'm relieved!

Ours made it to about nine months before it drifted. Well, I say drifted, but three of them broke away to form their own group so I couldn't be arsed after that. Ironically, I did become great friends with some other mums through my DC's primary - and they were all NCT friends. Still are, a decade+ on.

I've always been like this, don't click with many people. Did your DD manage to make friends on anyway? My DS starts school and I'll be working full time and not likely to have the time or energy to engage in anything more than small talk at the gates.

It's just luck, let it go. I don't see any of my 1st png, it fell away quickly. My 2nd we are still very close friends.

All you have in common with those women is that you live in the same area and you all got pregnant at the same time. So what's the chance that you all become best friends and stay in each other's lives? Close to zero, I would think. If you end up with one friend of any substance, I'd say that's good going. Cast your net wider OP. Join other things. You're more likely to make friends that last doing things that interest you.

Hated NCT - the whole concept of anxious first time parents hanging out with other anxious first time parents is flawed in my opinion. Felt much better once I found more experienced parents to hang out with - church toddler groups were actually really good for this. They tended to be run by older retired women with lots of experience of children and women with toddlers and babies tended to go to them.