Should dad help out?

[newmumma2000]

1st period has returned six months after having my baby. Bleeding is uncontrollable, I'm going through a pad/tampon about every hour with the worst being 4 tampons in one hour. I feel absolutely dreadful and so so tired. I have also got the start of a headcold, have body aches and generally just feel like pure rubbish.

I have struggled to get out of bed this morning and I would just love to rest. I asked husband if he could stay home today to look after our baby. I wished I never asked. He said that unless I was incapable of looking after the baby then he can't help. He said that I just have to get on with it as this is what mums just have to deal with. I said if you were off work sick I wouldn't give you a baby to look after. We have no family nearby. I feel like this is a hard reality check of being the default parent. I am really struggling and so I've called my dad who is 65 and bless him, he has spoken to his boss and he is coming over to help as called him in floods of tears. I just need a bit of help as I am never ever ill. Before my husband left for work, he was asking me how I was feeling and to basically make a decision for him as he is still ok probation in his job. Why should I have to make the call for him? I'm not his mother. Surely he could read the room and make his own decision about how he can best support today.

AIBU - Do you think I ABU if I am very annoyed with my husband? I understand he has to work, but roles reversed I would take the time off. I just feel like it's a part of being a dad. I am on MAT leave, but surely I am entitled to rest too.

I’m confused why you didn’t tell him yes youre incapable of looking after the baby. Yes I completely agree he needed to work it out for himself but I can see why he’s nervous being on probation at work.

I think firstly you need to go and get yourself checked out as that’s A LOT of bleeding in an hour.

your husband sounds like an ass. I’m sorry.
dad to the rescue ♥️

you are def entitled to rest.

I would not expect my husband to stay at home, no.
I would do a quite day with baby and ask him to bring take away home for dinner.

I wouldn't have asked him to stay home as I don't thin it would really help. I would however phone a doctor - that's a LOT of bleeding. Get fluids. Do you have an iron supplement? Are you breastfeeding?

Please get checked out asap. This is a well known MN thing but there was a thread with a woman bleeding at this level and posted on here for advice which was overwhelmingly that she needed to seek medical advice. She did and it turned out she had sepsis.

This is not a usual level of bleeding.

It might not be a headcold. Sepsis can make you feel flu-ey. Please see a doctor.

Your husband is a dick. It might be part of being a mother, but he also had things he has to do as a father. You may not be thinking straight either, because you sound pretty ill to me.

Hope it's nothing and you can be reassured and get some rest.

Yes he should help, you sound really unwell. Too unwell to look after a baby and ill enough to need to see a doctor which will be hard on your own with a baby. Please, please seek some medical advice though, as others have said that level of bleeding is not right

Your husband's a dickhead, but please call a doctor urgently for that excessive amount of bleeding. It is not normal and needs to be investigated

I've never been in that position but if I was crying and in pain I don't think my dh would walk out the door and leave me and a baby.

Get some medical help that amount of bleeding isn't ok.

YANBU

My ex left me to got to a friends wedding while I was having a miscarriage and had care of out 4 month old. I'm very glad he's an ex

Please get yourself checked out to be sure you don’t have sepsis.

Your husband should’ve stayed. Start leaving him with baby more at the weekend, stop being the default parent as much.

I would normally do my best to manage with a baby whilst ill if I'm not due to work that day but this isn't feeling a little bit off colour, you need to be checked out. So someone needs to watch baby whilst you do that.

I think it's a bit tricky because your husband is on probation at work.

However, he could have been helpful and gracious about it. Ie 'I can see that you feel awful and that in an ideal world I would stay here. Let me see if I can sort out a late start/early finish/half day and you see if your dad could cover the other part of the day'

On a practical note, I agree that you should get checked out. 4 tampons in an hour is worrying.

I bet your dad will have a great opinion of your husband after this!

My ExH used to pull this shit.

He'd say well, are you completely incapable and I'd say no.

Then he'd get home and nobody would have eaten and we'd watched tv all day and he'd be like "why didn't you make me stay at home"

Erm, because I was ill?

Your dad is lovely.

You are clearly ill and need to seek medical attention.

Your DH is a dick.

I was given tranexamic acid by doctors when I called them about excessive bleeding and it helped a bit.

Your partner doesn't sound supportive at all. Hope you are ok x

Your H is probably thinking long term. With under 2 years service they can sack him at anytime for any reason (as long as it’s not automatically unfair/discrimination). I don’t imagine it would go down well taking a day off when he’s not ill.

I echo pp and would phone GP, hope you feel better soon.

Your husband is on probation. I understand why he doesn’t want to take time off and potentially jeopardise his job unless it’s really really necessary so yes the threshold should be are you incapable of looking after the baby, not is it a struggle to get out of bed which downplays how ill you are, because honestly with a young baby struggling to get out of bed describes most mornings or at least it did for me! When he asked if you were incapable you should have said yes but I get that it’s hard to advocate for yourself and think clearly when you’re very unwell.

Your priority needs to be getting seen by a doctor. That level of bleeding really isn’t normal, even for a first period after baby, and chances are it’s not sepsis but a lot of the symptoms are v similar to a cold so you really need checking out. Call 111 now.

Forget your husband and call the GP please. How long has this been for? 24 hours?

at least ask for a phone appointment.

If your periods have never been like this and you are feeling absolutely wretched I would also call the GP or 111.

Even if he's a dick to you id worry about leaving a tiny baby alone with a very ill person. What if something happens and they get worse..