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Original poster

Co parenting schedule - is this a thing?

14 replies

RosieIs44 · 25/04/2024 22:44

So things have gone bad with ex and he’s now wanting a legal parenting plan through the courts. He was originally trying for every weekend of our DD! No way. He’s now gone to a lawyer to send me a draft proposal, as refuses to work with me. I have no idea what it will suggest… but he basically can’t do weekdays other than Fridays.

Am trying to pre-empt by thinking of alternatives - is one weekend each with a split weekend between feasible and fair, without too much upheaval for DD?

OP posts:
Athrawes · 25/04/2024 23:04

Kids find split weekends difficult and unsettling.

Ponderingwindow · 25/04/2024 23:14

Split weekends seem like such a waste and very stressful.

does he travel during the week? Is it that he works nights instead of days so would struggle to find child care if he was parenting in the week?

or is it just that he thinks he can’t do school runs because he has a penis?

unless he has a very good reason, if he chooses not to be a parent except on the easier fun days, then neither you nor your child should be bending over backwards for him

Original poster
RosieIs44 · 25/04/2024 23:22

Yes he’s been happy for me to do all the school runs and him have the fun weekends for sure. He actually works away but could commute (but then couldn’t do the school run either).
Looks like every other weekend then, but perhaps extended - from Friday morning to Monday morning drop off? Not sure how DC will find that… better than split weekends it sounds.
Nagging feeling he’s thinking I can have every third weekend or some such! Or else - court. Quite sure they wouldn’t agree to that either but I don’t know…

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giggly · 25/04/2024 23:23

Please remember that it is what is best for your child not what is best for him.

Original poster
RosieIs44 · 25/04/2024 23:24

giggly · 25/04/2024 23:23

Please remember that it is what is best for your child not what is best for him.

Absolutely. He’s such a bully though

OP posts:
toddlermam · 26/04/2024 18:08

No way would I give up my weekends with my child! Tough, he'll have to cope with every other weekend. If he wants to have them in the week he can go find a job that's more suitable to raising a child, just like a mother would have to do.

PineappleTime · 26/04/2024 18:13

What are the current contact arrangements? Is he asking for more or a change to current status quo?

Original poster
RosieIs44 · 26/04/2024 18:18

@toddlermam thing is he’s going to take it to court if I don’t agree. And goodness only knows what will happen there. Mixed reports

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MotherofChaosandDestruction · 26/04/2024 21:06

It drives me mad that a lot of men can't possibly get another job but expect women to shift heaven and earth to accommodate school runs, sickness etc. I've had to change my hours, work after they've gone to bed but my ex couldn't possibly ask for flexibility in order to have the kids more.

OP in answer to your question, call his bluff about taking you to court. Don't be bullied into a schedule which is detrimental to your child and also you. It isn't reasonable to expect every weekend and no judge would think that it is. A long weekend (so Friday pick up and Monday drop off) is more than reasonable. If he wants more then he'll have to change his hours at work won't he?

Ponderingwindow · 26/04/2024 21:46

When you get to court, be specific with times. If he picks up from school on Friday at 3pm, he should be responsible until 2:59pm on Monday. That way if the child is sick Monday morning or school is canceled, it is clear who is responsible to cover the day. He gets a reduction in child maintenance for having the night so he should have the responsibility and expenses for the day too.

Starlightstarbright3 · 26/04/2024 21:50

Eow if he wants more - offer half school holidays . Assuming he won’t want that either - but you have offered

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/04/2024 22:02

Ponderingwindow · 26/04/2024 21:46

When you get to court, be specific with times. If he picks up from school on Friday at 3pm, he should be responsible until 2:59pm on Monday. That way if the child is sick Monday morning or school is canceled, it is clear who is responsible to cover the day. He gets a reduction in child maintenance for having the night so he should have the responsibility and expenses for the day too.

Good advice

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/04/2024 22:03

How old is your child?
There was a mum on here last week devastated that her ex had been awarded every single weekend as he refused to do midweek and the daughter age 8 I think has said she wants to spend more time with her dad

Original poster
RosieIs44 · 26/04/2024 22:06

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/04/2024 22:03

How old is your child?
There was a mum on here last week devastated that her ex had been awarded every single weekend as he refused to do midweek and the daughter age 8 I think has said she wants to spend more time with her dad

OMG! Really? Mine is 5. And she might well say that as he bloody well has time to do all the fun stuff!
That cannot be reasonable though…
I think mine will try every third weekend for me, but it’s not fair to her I don’t think.

Yes I’m always picking up the last minute stuff, admin and his changes. I’ve given up my career to facilitate his basically

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