12 year old struggling with intrusive thoughts

[Spaghetti2]

Hi all
My 12 year old has been struggling with intrusive thoughts for 6 months.
He tells us his mind says different things. As if his mind is talking to him and putting things in his head.
He has recently agreed to see someone about the thoughts.
A new one at the minute is his mind keeps telling him he’s gay but he said he doesn’t fancy boys he fancies girls, but he’s head just keeps saying he’s gay.
I’ve already told him time and time again that to us it doesn’t matter if you’re gay or not, it doesn’t change you as a person and we’ll love him no matter what!
He always confesses to us if he thinks he needs to tell us something that’s happened, wether it was last week or last year, it’s like he has to get it off his chest.
When he gets said thoughts he tends to fall down a rabbit hole and gets more and more, he also ends up really upset.
im really at a loss and hate seeing him get so upset
I was just wondering if there was any advice on how to help him or any ideas for coping mechanisms.

Thanks in advance

We went through this with my 15 year old. She has ocd with intrusive thoughts. She had thoughts of killing me though..or stabbing me. I kind of say it light because there’s no way she would’ve done it. The thoughts made her so upset. A year of therapy helped. Someone else mentioned allow to recognise the thought and let it go. That helped and saying just because you have the thought doesn’t mean it’s real. Therapy really helped as it was outside of my mum knowledge! She now will now say when she’s in a spin about something..is this real or just my intrusive thoughts so she’s recognising when it’s happening and helps her move on.

My DD has also had thoughts about stabbing herself, and me. And she was so distraught at having them. It's a cruel condition to live with.

Just want to say how lovely and great that he could tell you that. There’s no way I would have felt comfortable telling my parents my deepest thoughts at any age! Bless him. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts. Good that he’s agreed to see someone.

There’s help out there and it’s actually GOOD to be told that there is a problem - 1) it’s validating, it affirms that he is correct to think something is not right, and that’s empowering. He can trust his judgement in that way. 2) if there’s a problem, there are solutions to try. A plan can be put in place.

Good luck! Sounds like such an emotionally intelligent boy.

You’ve had really good advice, am just chiming in to say I had this and it started at a similar age. I didn’t realise it was common and didn’t tell anyone until the third bout when I was 21. As others have said, it’s a form of OCD and the worst thing to do is feed the beast by stressing about it - if it’s seeded by anxiety looking for a way to demonstrate itself then an anxious reaction to it is only going to make things worse.

Very upsetting. But a good way to look at it is ‘that’s my worst fear [hence distraught], so there’s no way I’m actually going to do that’. Super upsetting though of course. But that perspective helps me.

What helped me was thinking that my anxious brain was trying to make sure I couldn’t ignore it and and that actually because I was a kind and gentle soul, the hardest thing for me to ignore was the idea of hurting someone else. Anxious brain was most likely to get my attention and have been running in frightened OCD routines that way until I got to the point where I recognise this and as previous posters have said, to be able to let the thoughts drift by rather than adding to the frightened adrenaline surge of reacting to it.

Bingo above says it far more succinctly 🙂

One of my (now adult) kids has this, and is related to their diagnosed OCD. They have many other differences with lots of letters, but it’s pretty much the only way their OCD presents itself.

It is so terrible isn’t it. Very upsetting for everyone 🙁

It sounds like the intrusive thoughts aren't uncommon from other answers here, but just to put another option out there, I have epilepsy and one of the symptoms of the seizures are intrusive thoughts, almost like your brain has been temporarily hijacked, normally lasts a couple of minutes or less, but some of the thoughts that my brain thinks up are utterly horrible, nothing that I would ever think normally.

My seizures are absence seizes so there's no loss of consciousness, you could still look and act like nothing's wrong, but inside, your brain is going haywire for a minute, and often accompanied by deja vu and a feeling of panic / impending doom.

We went through a period of intense anxiety in my younger DS and I second the reference to Natasha Daniels and her AT Parenting Survival podcast, youtube and courses. I definitely tried her strategy of externalising the anxiety/thoughts, e.g. "no way am I letting the anxiety monster ruin this wonderful day for me" (DS became absolutely vicious toward me when anxious, so I had to make like I saw his anxiety as outside of him to keep our relationship somewhat intact). DS also saw a therapist for a little while, although I don't know how much it helped. But he is much better now.

Also this book was recommended to me https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/about-natasha/

Also the books of Dawn Huebner are good, and DS actually went to her briefly for therapy (long story, we were in the US and near her practice):
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Outsmarting-Worry-Older-Managing-Anxiety/dp/1785927825/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3K4M3AAQPICI9&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.pvRvr-mZ2_hY2OI7mBOGZ49PRIAlWeMeZSMF_MiYPrW-h6t-1H9z15G090c1cGatGINk8vnm8BRHTD8PUoB73ShwbswrZXV5DGcDkf9XLdrWhFgVqmzOJF4f6ZM13OthtmrSgsgVolc0ukfAzCwj5m1RH57T3QJIFPg4ai-tIuH6vgZ3ueFZBXR95Ud7NoQNBIR_VCsa-UO2jr-Kq5cymZ_d0Y3HPMQUpzlNw6I4Ims.17SK_Fcd8FSmVP1IgP3S-GqI_OM2BP_XBL5iHpJz5W4&dib_tag=se&keywords=dawn+huebner&qid=1714085615&s=books&sprefix=dawn+heubner%2Cstripbooks%2C96&sr=1-2

@MoonlightMedicine
Yes, this is exactly what we’re going through, sexual thoughts too!
thank you I’ll take a look at that book.
I feel your pain, he confesses all day too
i will give the check in time a go!
thank you so much
sending you hugs too!!!

@Spaghetti2 although I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, it's comforting for us to know we are t alone. Reading the many replies on here has been soothing so thank you for starting the thread.