I’m so lost- 3 year old daughter/life

[Shenanigan21]

Hello, I’m new to mumsnet but I’m truly lost- I have absolutely no one to turn to as my family generally suck!
my daughter is 3 years old (4 in October) and I’m finding her too much to handle- she’s in nursery 15 hours a week- and I’m waiting for her forms to approved for an autism assessment- she’s runs off, she doesn’t listen, she doesn’t sit still ever (even the nursery has put it as one of her goals), I can’t take her places as she is generally so naughty, I feel like I’m constantly loosing my cool (major mum guilt!) she’s not sleeping again (3rd time since turning 3), she shares a room with her 9 year old brother as I’m not entitled to a 3 bed yet and she stays up till 9-9:30 shouting and having tantrums
sorry I’m rambling!
I don’t know who I can turn to- I have a chronic pain condition and chronic fatigue and life is taking its toll! I’m sat on my stairs crying because I feel like an absolute failure
any advice welcome

Sounds tough op. Sorry no advice…
Here’s a ☕️ for you & some 🌷🌷🌷.
you aren’t a failure. You’re doing your best & that’s all you can do.
All the best with the autism assessments.

Thank you so much ❤️! Life is really rough at the moment! ❤️❤️ xx

Stay on that step for a moment.

Take a breath. In for 4, hold for 4 and exhale for 8.

Repeat that.

Look down at the carpet beneath your feet.

Notice the individual fibres. Each and every one.

Feel your feet pressing into the carpet fibres.

Breathe.

You are doing your best.

You are safe.

You are exactly where you need to be in this moment.

There are mothers all over the world right now, feeling like a failure or as though they're not good enough.

Feel them. Connect with them.

You are a good mother. You just put your kids to bed in a warm, safe bed.

Tantrums are normal. You are safe.

Late nights; sleepless nights are safe too.

Trust that when the sun rises tomorrow, you'll feel brighter and lighter.

Nothing is permanent, everything passes eventually.

Breathe.

How beautiful. ♥️

Thank you ❤️! I’ll be using this when I need a minute to calm down and breathe ❤️ xx

I have autism and ADHD and i believe my daughter does too. Shes 4.5 now but when she was 3, she nearly broke me.

She'd attack me, rip her own hair out, smash her bedroom up, she was absolutely awful. We had to take her bedroom door off because shed smash it into the wall, shed kick her bedroom wall screaming in the early hours of the morning (i had to give the neighbours wine) and she trashed her bedroom and threw herself around so much- my lightbulb fell out downstairs!

I would just sit and cry, i didnt know how much longer i could keep going but i did and she did grow out of it. She still has melt downs yes but to a much more manageable level and we got better at helping her come out of it.

There isnt an answer but it wont last forever 🩷

Thank you! I have been surrounded by autism since I was 10 as my brother and 2 younger sisters have it, I myself have never been tested, I honestly feel bad for my son as he has to share a room and try and sleep with all this going on so he’s ready for school the next day, I honestly am at a loss! Xxx

This was so lovely, what a kind person you are ❤

I'm so sorry, that sounds really tough .

Can you get any more hours at nursery?

Could your son share your room so he can hmget some better sleep? Not a long term solution, but maybe just on school nights for the rest of the term?

I take it you are a lone parent?

So sorry that sounds really tough.
Have you asked your health visitor if you can be referred to Homestart? They are a nationwide organisation and offer help to families with under fives.
worth a try.

Had the sleep gotten worse again since the clocks have changed?
My 3yo sleep gets worse in the spring summer. One year her bedtime ended up at 11pm annoying when mine was 10pm

We already have noticed the difference since the clocks have changed. We now make sure get curtains are drawn before she gets into the bedroom in the evening and we will start doing a fake sunset by drawing the blinds downstairs after she gets home from nursery in a few weeks. She keeps telling us it's not bedtime as it's "morning" because the sun is still there.

This is so lovely x

Thank you for your comment! My partner (my daughter’s dad) is here (as and when he can be.. work etc), we have take the smaller room so there’s no room for my son and due to my fibromyalgia I can be up and down most nights (not that I leave my bedroom) xxx

Thank you for your comment, I will take a look as I don’t think I’ve heard of them before!, thank you ❤️❤️ xx

Unfortunately not, she was a brilliant sleeper till she hit 3 and now it’s like she doesn’t need much sleep at all 🙈! I draw the curtains quite early ( I like my privacy haha) and her curtains are black out curtains, I think I’m going to have to grin and bear it for a while! Thank you for your comment ❤️ xx

I feel your pain. My 3 yo is a poor sleeper too. Since being 2 she has been better at going to sleep as long as she doesn't realise it's still light outside but is a unicorn sleeper overnight. She can and does sleep through the night but only if absolutely all of her needs are met. As soon as something is amiss she wakes up at times a lot! Her reflux was wildly out of control at the end of last year and she was awake every 40 minutes!

She has a heated blanket which has helped. If she's warm she doesn't throw off her cover. If she's cold it ends up on the other side of the room. It's a constant battle to figure out what thing might be upsetting her sleep!

Bless you! I feel your pain! My daughter loves her fan on, but she doesn’t like to covered 🙈! It’s like a constant battle xx

Have a look into heated blankets. Ours goes under the sheet so can't be thrown off and it keeps her at a steadier temperature which helps her sleep. We got ours on Amazon on a free 7 days trial in case it didn't help