Are we collectively just burnt out? Any tips?

[Firsttmum]

I’m writing this as my LO is 2 year old and my partner and I both work full time. In all honesty I feel like a shell of my former self and chronically tired and miserable. I’m going to book an appointment with the gp I don’t know where else to turn.

I feel so much guilt for not being the best mum I should be, such as using too much screen time and not arranging fun activities for the day as much as I should. I often resort to soft play and trips to the park just so I’m moving, keeping her entertained and not falling asleep. I also realise my diet might be affecting this as I’m often just grabbing something quick and easy that means I won’t have any meltdowns with LO. I see other mum’s who look so vibrant and well put together and think why can’t I be like that?

I have also (stupidly) taken on a promotion at work so I can continue to afford nice days out with my daughter but realise the extra stress probably has taken a toll. My partner seems to be managing this work life balance a lot better than I am.

i don’t even know if I’m looking for advice just wanted to vent but any advice from more experienced parents is really welcome.

Sounds like you need to put your prioritise your well being.
Do you have a routine for your sleep? Self care. Small things make a big difference. As you say, diet is big part of this.

Also is your partner coping better as they are doing less life admin stuff than you? Household chores etc? This needs to be equal if you're both working.

If you feel you need to go to the park, soft play to stay awake then you actually just need to stop. Can your partner take child out for a couple hours instead of you?

You sound like you're expecting a lot of yourself, I really mean this nicely, being in it too, the toddler years are pretty brutal for some of us. It sounds like you're doing the best you can, by all means prioritise rest/good diet/time for you when you can but know that it won't be forever.

I have been to the GP with similar (and hair loss/slow growth) and found to have a folic acid deficiency and pretty low iron so it's definitely worth asking GP too.

I have started taking iron supplements again so hopefully this helps.

thank you for your supportive feedback really made me feel better

I was going to suggest low iron too… get a blood test because if it is low you might need a stronger iron tablet. The ones I was prescribed were 64x stronger than normal iron supplements so worked a lot quicker.

Also are you on any new hormonal contraceptives? I’m only asking because I had the implant and it took a few months before I realised it was making me really anxious - I felt better as soon as it was removed.

You do sound like you are being a bit harsh on yourself. Trips to the park and soft play are a toddler’s dream… I know it can feel repetitive but you don’t need to organise a different day out every weekend.

What kind of things do when you’re at home with your DD? When my DS was 2 I started getting him to help me unload the dishwasher (just the cutlery first as it’s not breakable). And help me hang the washing out. At first the “help“ wasn’t that helpful 😂 but he’s 3 now and can actually peg all the socks by himself. It’s nice for him to feel he’s doing a useful job, and it means that I’m doing housework in the day and not saving it up for when he’s in bed.

Society is set up in the worse possible way for everyone. Families have no support and the cost of living forces both parents to work. Grandparents are often miles away and aunty and uncles are under the same pressure everyone else is. Just trying to keep your head above water means nobody has the energy to invest in their wider communities. At least church groups foster a sense community (and yes I know everyone will have a story about how their church congregation all turned out to be serial killers)
The government has worked very hard to both isolate and overwork people and it’s up to us to rebalance our lives.