Tell me a 2-2.5 year age gap isnt as scary as it sounds?

[Bambinobaby]

I'm seriously considering TTC again very shortly and would have a 2-2.5 year age gap from my December 22 baby.

My daughter is extremely difficult, she sleeps terribly, was a colic/reflux baby , hates the pram and car - constant whining alllllll the time ect... But my partners work have introduced a policy whereby he can take a full 12 months of paternity leave, so it would be all hands on as opposed to doing it all myself this time around. My daughter will continue to go to nursery 5 mornings a week and I have minimal 'village' so having my partner around whilst the kids are young feels like the best way to go.

I love the idea of a smaller gap so both children are at similar stages, watching the same shows, playing with the same toys, going to the same nursery then school but I also have no experience with children other then my own so I appreciate this may not work out how I envision it.

Can I get some experiences of smaller age gaps, especially when you already have a bit of a quirky child already? My daughter still feels like such a baby baby who is seriously hard work, I'm worried I'm not going to cope with two very small children, but then again another year of development would be huge, right?

2/2.5 years is a very common age gap. It'll obviously be hard at first, having a newborn and a toddler (potentially in the terrible two phase!) is hard! But it does pay off down the line imo, when they can play and do things together. If your DH is going to be at home for the first year then it will substantially easier obviously.

TBH though if I had one who was as much hard work as your DD, I'd stop there! I think you're brave to be considering a second one at all. You must be due an easy one next time round.

I found it incredibly easy. The baby fitted in around the routine I already had for my 2.5 year old.

Having two parents looking after two children for a year sounds anything but scarey and thats a normal age gap.

I'm not sure what the problems might be

It will be fine. I have a larger age gap between #1 and #2 (six years) and almost exactly two years between #2 and #3.

#2 (DD) is now almost 11 and #3 (DS) is almost 9. They are absolute best friends and have been since #3 was born. I keep waiting for the time when they’re not so close and I’ll have to soothe #3’s hurt feelings, but so far it’s not happened. :) It’s a great age gap as far as I’m concerned!

I'm living it now. Have a 22month age gap.
Immune view is 2under2 is popular for a reason. Yes it is tiring at the start but 3 months in it's already easier.

You've done it before, you know to ignore the noise from well meaning contributors, you have all the "stuff" so minimal large outgoings plus they are doing similar things at the same time.

We were very lucky with fertility and sustained healthy pregnancies and babies the first cycle we TTC both times (despite my being 35 and 37 when my DD were born). Not everyone will so though you try for a 2/2.5yr age gap you may not get it. Keep that in mind.

Your child must now be 16 months? If so, that age is soooo so hard and they will be leaps ahead in 'easiness' when they are 2.

I find 14-20 months the hardest as they can move and run and have opinions and desires but ZERO danger awareness or willingness to do what you want/need!!

So at 2/2.5 I found a very noticeable shift. I have 2y1 month gap. The first 6months were awfully hard as baby was just one of those that wouldn't be put down, didn't feed well etc etc but from 6months to has been progressively better. They are now 3.5 and 17 months and definitely much easier.

My friend however had a nearly 3 year age gap, first child was very energetic and baby was so chilled that first 6m were super easy. Now baby is 1 she finds it harder as they both want different things.

Ultimately it will largely depend on the baby. But that will be the same regardless of age gap. My advice is get it over and done with because once they're both over 2 life is soo much easier

I have a 2 year gap between my DC and they're older teens now but it was fine when they were little. You still have all the stuff you'd need, it's just that you won't get rid of it quite as quickly as you might have liked! Every baby is different, so you can't really go on how your first child is you'll just have to roll with it and I found as a parent it was much easier as I felt much more confident than I had first time round. Best of luck!

It’s a very common age gap. Most of my friends have 2-2.5 years between children. I had 19 months between mine. The first 6 months were very hard, as DC1 was still waking multiple times per night. I was hallucinating from exhaustion. Then it got easier. Theyre 10 and 8 now and absolutely the best of friends.

17 months gap.
DS got tons of energy and character.
DD was sweet baby you can easily adjust to DSs schedule.
They hug and play and fight and hug some more all the time.
DS asks about her ths moment she leaves the room.
They are 2y8m and 15m.
I wish I was already pregnant to have third with small gap!

And partner at home is amazing help. You can dump both on him sometimes and do your things :)

Theres a 2 year 4 months age gap between mine and it worked really well to be honest. My eldest changed a lot during my pregnancy, so by the time her sibling was born she was happy being my mini helper. Only thing I found tough was being in situations on my own where I hsd to physically help my eldest whilst holding my youngest, like getting her up and downstairs as she still couldn't manage it alone. Sounds like you'll have plenty of help early on though.

23 months between mine and husband only had two weeks paternity leave. I reckon 2 to 2.5 years and a year of leave would be fine. Get all the baby stuff out the way and hopefully they will be good friends as close in age 😊

It's tough initially but it's so much easier as they're growing up and you can do age appropriate things together with them as a family.

It's a slog in the early days, but once the youngest can run and jump, it is magical watching them fight interact with each other.
They also have similar enough interests and focus lengths to do the same stuff with both.

A 2-2.5 year age gap between siblings is very common, and I don't think it counts as a small gap.

But only you and your partner know what is right for your family.
Good luck!

Totally off the point but what rate is the paternity leave pay ? I cannot imagine wanting my husband to have in effect taken a years career break when I had ours .

My dd1 was exactly 2 (to within 3 days!) when ds was born.

Ds was 22 months and dd1 3y10m when dd2 was born.

You just get on with it really. I found it useful that I had a cleaner/mothers help 2 mornings a week and she was wonderful, I could spend some extra time with dd1 while she looked after the other 2, or go back to bed for a bit if I'd had a rough night (ds wasn't a good sleeper and dd1 seemed to be teething forever!!). I couldn't have done it without Isabel!

So if your husband can get time off it will be more than fine, and even if that's not the case, a 2 year age gap with 2 kids is pretty common and certainly possible!

It’s totally average, the normal age gap I would say. 9 months makes a massive difference to the older one at that age - they will be totally different by the time the new baby is born.

This was the gap I’ve chose between my #2 and #3. Currently pregnant with #3. It is a very common gap to have, and your DD will be very different developmentally in 9 + months… if she’s still going to nursery 5 days a week, and having DH at home for 12 months, I don’t think you have anything to worry about!
I would just ensure you have DD’s routine locked down by the time baby comes. I’ve been lucky and DD is now potty trained and sleeps 12 hours with one midday nap.

He’s getting 6 months full pay, and 6 months unpaid with a 3 month full pay phased return. He isn’t career driven so it wouldn’t make an issue in terms of long term prospects.

I know this is an old post.. and sorry to hi-jack! I will have similar gaps to you..wondered how you found it for the oldest one with smaller gap between No.2 and 3? So nice to hear that the age gap for littlest ones was so lovely though. Very reassuring!.. Hoping it wasn't a nightmare for oldest