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To regret not deferring, will I always feel this way?

26 replies

ClaireRed · 24/04/2024 12:11

DS is 4 and in reception, he is the second youngest in the class but very bright. We had the opportunity to defer as this was available to all summer born children however we felt he was ready for school as did his nursery teacher. He had a great little friend group all going into school and it felt right.

He was initially placed in the top group for reading and maths and doing well however the teacher has advised that he is struggling to keep up especially with the reading and he has gotten upset when he can't do the work. I feel terrible for him. The teacher said she will likely have to move him down to the middle group

Im now having massive regret we didn't defer him another year and let him have an extra year of Nursery. Most of the children in the top groups are older for the year and have an advantage. Im now stressed he will struggle throughout school and lose confidence when really it is because the children in his class doing well are a year older than him. Its too late to defer now but hoping someone has some positive stories of younger children excelling? I'm kicking myself as he is so bright and curious and I know had he been one of the older children he would be keeping up no problem.

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Original poster
ClaireRed · 24/04/2024 17:07

WeightoftheWorld · 24/04/2024 14:46

Hmm, difficult one.

Firstly, it doesn't sound like your child is struggling at all. If they're in 'middle' groups, it sounds like they're achieving where they should be for this point in reception, is that right? I wouldn't class that as struggling or 'not keeping up'. Not all children will be the 'top' of a class and those kids will change up and down as well as people have said. You can't really know whether deferring a year would mean your DC would be the top of the class or not, and even if they would, I think the age at which a child is ready to go to school etc is as much about their social skills, confidence, physical skills and so on than their 'academic' ability. So I'd consider all those other domains too, not just this.

Personally my DC is summer born and we decided to send them to reception at 5. They will be turning 6 in a couple of months and they're absolutely thriving at school, so we are confident we made the right choice. They are quite a bit ahead of where theyre 'expected' to be for reading at this point in reception (and obviously they are not the only child who is), but I'd still be saying we made the right choice even if they were not doing anywhere near as well, assuming they were happy and settled at school.

Finally, it is not theoretically impossible for your DC to repeat the reception year if you really strongly feel that would be best. However it's up to the school and I imagine you'd have a massive fight on your hands. And if they're happy and settled at school, and meeting expected levels of reading, maths and so on I can't see a school deciding they should repeat reception tbh.

I think the issue here is you seem to believe your DC was always going to be 'top of the class'. But children don't learn in a linear way, they also have different strengths and weaknesses, different interests and so on. Your child isn't 'failing' or 'struggling' just because right now some children in the class might be ahead of them with their reading. I think you really need to reassess your expectations for them tbh.

Why did you decide to defer your child if you dont mind me asking?

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