Teaching children the simple pleasures instead of digital instant gratification

[HelenaRavenclaw]

Inspired by a recent conversation I had with an older lady where she fondly reminisced about playing conkers at school in the 70s/80s, and I realised I missed out on this lovely childhood experience as a child in the early 2000s. I'm not (yet) a parent myself but it made me think about what simple pleasures children these days do not know, thanks to everyone having phones/tablets and all entertainment at their fingertips on demand.

If I have children in the future, I would try to enforce strict rules on technology use and make sure they get lots of outdoor play time, learn to play simple board games, card games, etc. from an early age. Wherever I go, I always see children glued to their phones and it makes me anxious for my own future children -- will I be able to prevent them becoming digital addicts with low patience? These kids don't even know the excitement of waiting for their favourite tv show to air at a particular time of the day...everything is available at all times with a single click.

If you are an "old-fashioned" parent of young children, how do you manage to avoid the curse of instant digital gratification and still raise your child to appreciate simple pleasures? I could implement strict "no phones no tablets" rules at home but when they see friends at school with easy access to technology, they will think of me as a horrible mum! And exposure to technology through school is unavoidable; I even know of very good schools that have done away with physical textbooks/homework and only use digital learning materials and online homework. 😧

You seem to be presenting this as an either or choice and it really isn't. You can do both. You can't escape the fact that we live in a digital world and children need to be able to navigate within that. It's doesn't mean there isn't space for 'simple pleasures' as you put it, but it's all about balance. My kids enjoy nature, being outside, riding bikes etc. but they also enjoy unboxing videos and searching for our house on Google Street view.

Also, pretty sure conkers were banned in schools because of health and safety rather than iPhones.

With everything it's about balance. My daughter is almost 4 so we are still early in the parenting with tech journey.
She has TV and tablet occasionally our phones if we need 10 minutes peace for a particular reason - filling in the self assessment tax form for example. We try to avoid binge watching of anything unless she is ill so match the length of program with the length of time we are allowing - if it is 30minutes it is a 30 minute program rather than 4 7-8 minute shows. Her current favourite programs are Lego masters and the pottery throw down. She will then spend days and days trying to recreate the Lego inventions with her Duplo. She loves doing things with her hands trains Duplo etc. she loves being outside. She will have you read 10+ books in a row but she also loves toy story and frozen. We are always mindful of screen time and if she gets a bit too eager about it we limit it. For us Paw Patrol is a nightmare so she very very rarely has it. 1 or 3 or entire week of paw patrol would never be enough. She doesn't get like this with any other show so we side step any discussion about putting it on. We set the TV to turn itself off and she does get up and turn it off herself before it does and comes and helps us with dinner. This all very well could change once she's in school I know!

My children are only 5 and almost 2 so probably not got to the peer pressure influence too much yet. But what I do is they don't have TV at all until after evening meal and max for 45 mins. At this time to watch TV we all sit together and everyone gets a choice of 1 programme (to save the fights on what to watch).

My children never have my phone to watch things or play games om at all. We have a family tablet. Which the 5 year old uses for homework. Also they can use it to watch something but only for long car journeys (holidays) or flights.

The rest of the time we play with toys, in the garden or are often out and about.

These rules are relaxed in case of being unwell. Or we have occasional Christmas or a rainy weekend family film afternoon. But rather than let them choose from multiple options I buy DVDs from the charity shop as a birthday/christmas presents and we choose one of these.

My complete unbroken rule is to have TV/Tablet during meal times. This includes in restaurants. This does make eating out hard work as a parent. But I take lots of table top toys and colouring which we do as a family. There have been times that I have been tenpted to break this rule as a meal out is becoming so stressful... but I've remained strong so far.

I don't have any issues of parents that use technology and I believe it has its place but this is mine and my husbands views. Also I am aware as my children get older they will ask for and also need to use more technology but I'll adapt as we need to. I feel happy though that pre school years are about exploring the world and not the digital world.

You seem to be presenting this as an either or choice and it really isn't. You can do both.

I was going to say exactly the same. I'm a teacher and I teach many kids who do lots and lots of lovely, enjoyable and stimulating things. They also use technology a lot, because it's a normal thing and they would miss out on a lot of shared experience and interaction with their peers if they didn't. Frankly, they would risk being ostracised. Of course you need to monitor children's use of devices and the internet, but I don't think that trying to avoid it altogether, even at home, is advisable or practical.

I don't think you need to worry about this right now if you don't have children. Are you pregnant or trying for kids currently? It seems quite unusual to be concerned about such a specific parenting issue before even having children.

we went camping every year, at least twice - off grid. We still camp together regularly, even now they are all adults. Plenty of tech at home though.

Fictitious children are incredibly easy to parent.

All the best parents only have hypothetical children.

It’s not a an either or, we live in a digital technology driven world, it’s better placed to show the merits of this and sensible use. My children’s tablets are time limited, and tv can only be watched after dinner, and the majority of the time they will chose to be outside where possible, playing football, swingball, digging, building dens playing at the park etc. I’ve not made technology and ‘bad’ thing I’ve just introduced set boundaries around it.

@oldestboy well said!

@HelenaRavenclaw back in the 80s/90s I had a family friend whose parents forbade TV (they didn’t even own one) and one kid went wild and became a drug dealer (admittedly a very successful one who wisely invested the proceeds in property and is now extremely wealthy) and the other became socially excluded by choice as she simply couldn’t cope with “modern life” among her peers. It can be dangerous to impose a previous generation’s values and behaviours on your kids.

Teaching your kids how to control their online behaviours, helping them find healthy online activities and viewing habits, finding their offline interests and passions and helping them pursue those, and training them to manage their impulse control (countdowns to birthdays and Christmas and holidays
etc) are a better response to the challenges of parenting kids today. That way, you actually prepare them for the life ahead of them, instead of simply making them “weird”.

We do both. Sometimes they spend hours in the garden, some days they binge Netflix. We play board games, we play computer games. They climb trees and learn to code.

We are home educating. The system is broken and we aren't putting our baby through that hell

My kids all had tech from an early age. They’re absolutely fine.

If I have children in the future, I would try to enforce strict rules on technology use and make sure they get lots of outdoor play time, learn to play simple board games, card games, etc. from an early age.

I think this is the sort of thing lots of people think before they actually have children 😂

My children don’t have unlimited access to technology. They have 30 mins TV a day and occasionally use apps like teach your monster to read, time tables rock stars and one for learning to read music (can’t remember what’s its called). There is are benefits watching TV, sometimes my oldest watches the adaptions of books she has read or my youngest watches number blocks but they also watch Gladiators and Glow up.

My 4 year old can play uno, knows the rules you don’t have to go easy on them. They watch YouTube sometimes. I think having no knowledge of technology will put them behind socially and developmentally…there is no much for schools and work online. We have to teach them both

You can do both, but obviously time is limited each day so if you want to spend time on tablets etc there obviously won't be as much time for other things.

We don't "live in a digital world". The world is still out there like it's always been. You can choose how much you interact with the world physically around you and how much time you spend "digitally".

Kids still do the stuff we did- sometimes more in school but it’s still there- yo-yos came back into fashion last year, people play with hula hoops, they collect conkers, trading match attached and other cards is still a thing, they do rock paper scissors and bull dog. At times I thought some of the old stuff had died out but it really hasn’t!!

edited to add if we pull out chalk or bubbles the kids are outside forever and they’re 9 and 11 and love screens! Also slinkies, rubix cubes. You just have to put them in front of them!

Instead of focusing on banning technology, how about focus on the 'simple pleasures'.
Kids learn a lot from example. So if you're engaging with a hobby, or showing real enjoyment for the 'simple pleasures', they'll notice these things.

I remember my mum doing 'science experiments' with us, which were SO much fun - even for my brother, who wouldn't normally sit still.
And we loved helping with baking - which is something that's carried on into my adult life, and which my toddler loves too.
Engage the senses. Show them to notice smells, tastes, textures, etc.

They'll still be on their phones when they're older, but they'll also know there's a world outside and they'll know how to appreciate it.

It really really doesn't take very long to learn to use phones/apps/Instagram etc. Not using technology at a young age won't make them behind in any way. It's not something that takes a long time to learn. Most present day adults grew up with any kind of technology!

Children copy what they see - if you're reaching for your phone all the time then so will they. So it's fairly easy to control this at pre-school age. During primary school, it's about setting limits. Then at secondary it's back to role-modelling and helping kids work things through themselves.

I don't imagine there are that many people who are planning to have children and think "must make sure my kids have all the tech at the earliest possible age".

We used to play out in the local fields when we were quite small. I just liked rambling, picking flowers, climbing rocks. I bring my child out to do the same (he’s only 4) but once he’s at school, I’ll let him out by himself. I loved the freedom, as a kid.

100% this.

Playing conkers in the 80s? An "older lady"? Christ, you're talking like it's a bygone era.

Everyone is a perfect parent before they have children.

Wtf is an "old fashioned parent"? Parents who give their children a whip and peerie rather than an iPad?

I know someone who was brought up without television. He says he found it very isolating at school. The children would play imaginary games pretending to be characters from their favourite tv shows. He couldn't join in.

I have a toddler OP. He doesn't have his own tablet and we don't have television. We stream programmes to our projector. He likes Pingu, Postman Pat and Fireman Sam, and various other programmes from the 80s/90s that I grew up with. He also likes Numberblocks, Julia Donaldson, and Tractor Ted. It's important for children to live in their own zeitgeist and have things in common with their peers. Christ almighty, imagine I was raised on The Banana Splits and Rainbow instead of Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles and The Simpsons.

You don't need to be strict and heavy handed. It's not complicated. Just don't give them their own devices at a young age. Don't have the telly on non stop. Read books with them and have lots of different types of books at home. Play outside as much as you can. That's all there is to it.