Nap routines

[Mum2loulou]

Hello
Just looking for some advice on routines and what others do?

My DD will be 6 months this Friday. She has a routine with bottles in the sense that she has them every 4-5 hours but not in the sense that she has them at specific times each day. I’m not really able to do specific times as she has suffered with reflux badly in the past so I do prefer to feed on demand.

When it comes to daytime sleep there is no such thing as routine whatsoever. She could wake at 4am for a bottle and go back to sleep until 8am, or she could start her day at 6am. I try to watch wake windows for naps but she is such a fomo baby that she just won’t go down unless she is absolutely shattered and on the brink of a meltdown. It’s also hard when we’re out and about, she wants to know what’s going on and will scream until I stop trying to get her down for a nap (even though she’s tired) but then will have a meltdown because she’s now over tired..

I have tried in the past to put her in her crib awake, she has gone off but with a big struggle and it’s lead to the rest of the day being extremely over tired.

At the moment the only way she sleeps is the sling. Even pram walks have stopped as she just wants to look out, if I put our snooze shade over she cries until I take it off, and then cries because I’m not holding her. She doesn’t sleep in the car seat as she’s not being held either. Ultimately, she only wants to sleep if on me and I have tried to establish a routine in the sling but she fights her naps still especially if we are out or especially if she had a cat nap, is still tried, but won’t go back down without some play first (leading to over tiredness). It all just leads to us never being in a nap routine.

I hear that babies thrive off routine and I feel so guilty that I don’t have one and that I’m struggling to establish one. My friend said that it’s not healthy and that it’s really bad that she isn’t in a nap routine, she was quite horrified with me and did say that she needs to distance herself as she feels it’s really unfair on my DD that I haven’t done the routine thing - this has of course led to me feeling even worse.

DD is a very strong little madam and won’t do anything she doesn’t want to.

Your friend is unhinged.

I had very routine led babies for my own sanity (twins). Most of my friends didn't. Do what works for you.

The distancing herself comment your friend made is quite strange. I have a friend who will only contact nap and co sleeps, and then moans to me that her baby isn’t sleeping at nursery… 🙄 we are still good friends lol

I think she is young enough that you have time to establish a routine that works for your family. Some may say follow baby, but I’ve put my girls on the same schedule and it’s worked well for us. It maybe that you spend a week based at home, be at home for all naps, while you establish it. It maybe the case that even if she will go back down first thing in the morning, you actually wake her up to create her first wake window. Her wake times will become more routine.

When DD’s were 6 months it looked something like this:
6:30/7 - milk, play, breakfast
8:30 - down for first nap.
9:45/10 - if she wasn’t awake I would be very gently waking her up as otherwise routine out the window!
10- get dressed, usually go out.
12- lunch then second longer nap
2- awake, play, engage.
4:30 - small 30 minute nap, while I cook dinner
6:30- dinner, bath, bed
7:00 fast asleep

@MalibuBarbieDreamHouse thank you that’s really helpful.
I can definitely try to wake her up moving forward and see how that goes.
my only problem is the fighting naps issue causes overtiredness which then can delay naps. Would you just stick to the nap routine as best you can and hopefully she gets the hint?

as selfish as it sounds she’s extremely clingy and as I say she does fight her naps and has done since she was around 2 months old, so as much as I would love to stay at home for a week to help her get into a routine I just know that I would be struggling mentally by the end of that way, getting out the house is the only way I keep sane!….

when it comes to the routine you mentioned above, would you plan your days around this? If you were meeting friends would you meet in the wake window and then have to be home for the next nap or was you able to get your LO down while out and about?

xx

I understand, it’s not easy. These babies don’t come manuals! I’ve always tried to make their “wake windows” as engaging as I can to tire them out, sometimes I’ve just sat them on an high chair and they’ve watched me make breakfast and I’ve tried to be very animated. Even just giving them a different scenery to keep them busy.

I do believe if you stick to it, she will get accustomed to it. I mentioned staying at home just because you mentioned her having fomo, but you have to do what works for you. I use her wake windows to get myself dressed, once she’s awake we get out, then when she’s down I can get busy or just have a sit down myself; then her last nap I would make dinner. (my youngest is 2; I miss these days of naps!)

When I had DD2 her 8:30 nap was during the school run, so I’d often just snuggle her up in the pushchair, on the way to school, hood up and she would drop straight off. Then I’d leave her in there once home. I did usually plan to head out around their wake windows, but they were so accustomed to their routine, that they could fall asleep anywhere if it was nap time. I’ve never left plans because I needed them home for their nap, but I know some parents that would be that regimented.

@MalibuBarbieDreamHouse thank you so much that’s really helpful. To be honest I haven’t thought about sitting her in her high chair and letting her watch me do things. I often try to find ways to entertain her with her toys but that’s a great way of changing things up.

oh How I miss pram naps you are very lucky lol. I try to do the same, dummy in, hood up, and off we go, but she knows that she’s not on mummy so gets upset!

Have you always put your LO’s down for naps? I think sometimes what doesn’t help with a routine is that DD is super reliant on me putting her down as she loves to be cuddled and won’t sleep unless she’s on me (or her grandad!). I have thought about trying to sleep train in the sense of trying to put her down when asleep and try to get her used to not sleeping on me (she would never fall asleep on her own without me so easiest to try when she’s asleep)

I think it's worth trying to get her wake up time more consistent to give more predictability to the day. If you get that consistent, then really pay attention to her cues for when she is ready for a nap. @MalibuBarbieDreamHouse 's timings look pretty typical – but not all babies are typical. At the same age, my two (both low sleep needs), had two naps and wake windows of 3-4 hours. I'd tackle getting a loose routine before trying to change how she sleeps, I'd just accept the cuddling to sleep and contact naps for now.

Mine also both had FOMO, especially DD2, and whilst I didn't always plan to be home for naps, I did need to plan at least one 'boring' bit in a day out so that she got at least one decent nap. Also, our buggy (a Nuna Mixx) had little mesh windows in the sides of the hood – those were invaluable with our nosy babies, as it meant they could see a bit of the world go by reclined and with the hood up until they drifted off.

Huckleberry app helped. I did bottles just before nap times at this age

So your friend is horrible

@skkyelark Thank you so much that’s helpful advice. We also have the Nuna but I find the mesh parts keep her awake more as she is sneakily seeing the world instead of napping!…

did your FOMO babies show sleepy cues? I find that with DD she is very difficult at showing sleeping cues I’ve tried to watch and I’ve also tried wake windows but it just seems that it all goes from 0-100 very quickly. She goes from under tired to over tired in an instance.

I’ve definitely given huckleberry a go before but I found it didn’t tailor the naps very well. It went on wake windows that were too long if she only had a cat nap.

I think that’s another reason we struggle we routine as if she cat naps for one nap, it messes up the whole day.

I did give a loose routine a go today but sadly she refused!! She stayed awake from 7:30 until 10:30, finally crashed in the car for 25 minutes and then was in a bad state around 11:15, my dad (DDs grandad) managed to get her down for 1hr 20, but as she had a small nap in the morning it meant that she was still tired when she woke from her nap with grandad and was very unsettled.

Feels awful as a mum not being able to get it right.

To be honest, I think the main cue was starting to get ratty, and it was a combination of getting to know their different types of ratty and having a sense of wake windows to know to try a nap. They never did the whole stop playing, stare into space thing, and by the time they were looking heavy-eyed or rubbing their eyes, they were exhausted.

I think it will probably take time to work out her pattern. If it felt like we'd lost the plot with sleep, I used to actually keep a sleep diary for a week or two and then try to spot patterns. In your position, I'd choose a wake time, and then focus on when that first nap comes (accepting that it will be earlier if she's had a rubbish night's sleep, is ill, etc.). Figure out roughly what time usually gets her a decent morning nap. Then you can worry about the next wake window and gradually work through the day. With practice, you'll be better able to adjust to things like a catnap or late nap or whatever.

If she's not a naturally by-the-clock baby, it might only ever be a rule of thumb. When DD1 that age, she generally had one short nap and one long nap, but which came first was anybody's guess, and the timing was 'probably 3-4 hours after she wakes up'. And that was one of her more predictable phases!

With the buggy windows, if it's a 'sleepy walk' we used to predominantly walk the same few quiet residential streets, so there was just enough stimulation to keep them from yelling that they're bored, but not enough to keep them awake. The adults definitely got bored, though!