Advice needed family.

[Missguidedsmiles]

Hi Guys 👋

Need some opinions because I'm a little lost on what to do..

I don't talk to my Mum as I find her rather narcissistic & negative. She lives 4 hours away.. my 90 year old Nan whom I call every week without fail has moved up to the area into a independent care home (4 hours drive from me,.but close to my mums house)

I've just had a baby who is coming up to 9 months old and my mum wants me to take my baby up to meet my nan which I find is okay but the 4 hour drive is super far just for a day trip and we don't feel comfortable being so far from home. I send my Nan photos of my baby often.
Unfortunately she doesn't understand "new technology" and doesn't have a mobile phone only a home phone.

We're quite reluctant to go incase my mother turns up..and it is a very very long drive (with a car that's due a service for sure) ..

What do I do?

I don't want to restrict my Nana seeing my child but the circumstances are difficult..

Any advice?

Is it possible to go on the train? It’s a four hour journey, but I’d be taking a few breaks, so that adds time. Could you stop over? Make a weekend of it? See the area? 9 months is an ok age for a longer car journey.

My opinion; 90 years old is an incredible age to be and what a blessing for you to still have your nan. It may be a long journey… but it’s one day, you won’t regret seeing your nan with your baby; building those memories, taking those pictures. You are likely to regret it, if she never gets the chance to meet your baby. Obviously don’t know the whole story with your Mum, but you’re all adults, you’re there so your nan can meet your baby, focus on that. Life is too short.

@MalibuBarbieDreamHouse thankyou for your perspective, trains a little far off from where we would be going as it is in the lake district, but I will see what we can manage xx

Could you make a weekend of it? Drive up or halfway on Sunday and stay in a Premier inn, then turn up at the care home on a Monday? Let your mum know a vague intention at the last possible minute eg Monday morning “hi mum we fancied a weekend away but plans fell through so we have found ourselves not too far from Nan, we are going to pop in some time today! Sorry we haven’t been organised enough to let you know in advance but I hope Nan will enjoy the surprise visit!”)

also I would phone the care home in advance and ask about best time to visit

Could someone at Nan's care home use their phone/ tablet/ laptop to show Nan your photos?

Thankyou everyone for your responses.

We've come to a decision we will stay in a hotel the night & pop in to see my nan for the afternoon. It'll be a heartbreak if she passes away without meeting our baby.

Sometimes it's better to ask strangers without a bias perspective.

Thankyou again😊