Tantrums feel constant

[Heynowws]

Any tips? Usually are around food?

DS is 27mo and tantrums about food so much? We feed him a lot he has a fantastic appetite and gets his 5 a day every day so we are lucky he loves eating that much

but wow I don’t think he’d ever stop? Today we were at the park. A nice little time being had, he seen the cafe and I lied and said it was closed we’d go on our way back (we were meeting someone at a specific time then would go here) he asked for chocolate (has hot chocolate there£ and screamed flipped out and I felt that then put him in a bad mood :(

he is slightly behind word wise is getting better. Going through a nervous phase I’d say (seemed nervous at the farm) he gets overstimulated fast

i just feel like it’s constant I cried at my parents house the other day they witnessed him have a really bad one and I have been steuggling

and because he’s young and can’t fully speak he could be feeling poorly, just tired or off and I wouldn’t know so I get this doesn’t help some days. We all have off days as himans

is there any tips to help him through things ? I just feel like a failure

Bumping

For me stopping fear of tantrums helps. They do need to regulate their emotions. It can become a bit ingrained to almost know when a tantrum will happen and actively avoid them, but it means they either get what they want/feel your vibe when they aren't

So coffee shop being shut I would just say 'not today' - expect tantrum and say 'I know you're upset, you can come play when you're ready' then no further interaction

Practice at home especially - tantrum coming = stick to the boundary you gave, 'I know you're upset, come play when you're ready' and no more interaction - start playing with some toys elsewhere. Mine started to have shorter ones, and 'sulky quiet ones' with a while of this as there wasn't attention so he'd sit quietly mumbling in the end about being sad and it not being fair then give up and come play with cars/other.

if tantrum is physical then create space between you both. So you've left them to cry, you're not giving attention, they come and pull you/grab you/hit you/kick you = 'no kicking' (or other word) lift and move calmly away from where you are 'you can play when you're ready, stay here until then'

It is harder in public so it's important to do some practice at home :) sometimes when you're out you just end up being kicked in the knees carrying them away having to leave

@HAF1119 Thank you for this. I think I am living in fear of tantrums and I feel like I just worry that’s all we get at the minute

it does feel non stop and I look and think will we ever have a day without one but that’s why I think I needed to work on my approach

it’s tough thank you I always worry it’s just my son who’s kicking off it’s why I come on mumsnet just to feel a bit more normal

it’s tough thank you I always worry it’s just my son who’s kicking off it’s why I come on mumsnet just to feel a bit more normal

It's not just him, tantrums are normal at this age, especially as you say before they can express themselves clearly in other ways.

But 'this too shall pass'.

Don't worry about what other people may be thinking... if they've been parents then probably just 'been there, done that, sooo glad that stage is over'! My stroppy toddler became a (mostly) delightful child and pretty much trouble free teenager.

@ErrolTheDragon i was hoping this. Right now feel like I’ve got a moody twonager who is so stubborn. Hoping he is a happy child like you say ! Haha

It definately will pass, and we've all been there with tantrums in public. Heck even when they're school age and you need to go past the park but not in the park as you have somewhere to be you can get that feeling in the pit of your stomach and the urge to avoid walking near there simply to avoid the whining/moaning/telling you off 🤣

But avoiding doesn't help - they need the things that cause the tantrums to still happen - sometimes we can do stuff, sometimes it's not possible. Sometimes we get a sweet at the shop, sometimes we don't etc etc. they will show their displeasure but it's part of learning and life :)

Everytime they tantrum try to think that it's another one out of the system. A battle of wills to see what might work to achieve what they want (and of course they are really feeling the emotion in the moment of sadness/disappointment that they got X once and want it again) - with each battle their brain will learn and slowly accept that sometimes you can't have things as you wish - and it does tend to calm down a lot :)

My son is 2 and a half and his tantrums never last more than 2 or 3 minutes and I put it entirely down to being (to anyone looking at the situation) completely unbothered by them.

Yesterday he wouldn't leave the park despite me giving him a ten minute timer, then also letting him have one more scoot round on his bike when he asked politely. He wouldn't come. I took his bike and walked off towards the park gates. He started throwing a fit but stopped after a minute because I kept walking and wasn't bothered. He knows (from previous experience!) that if he does keep it up I'll simply lift him bodily back to the car.

Completely agree with PP that you have to find a way to not care about the tantrums. They're normal. Ignore them, don't show him that it's getting to you, and the second it stops be engaged and all bright and breezy with him again. Don't even refer to the tantrum. Let it go.

Thanks all @HAF1119 @Yourethebeerthief @ErrolTheDragon

I think it’s a very valid point trying to be unbothered by them. He must certainly pick up my tension as I feel they’ve increased lately, as I’ve started worrying about them

even stupidly have seen people on social media post their kids (of similar/same age) doing certain things and I get all glum thinking I can’t do that with DS he’ll throw a tantrum / he’ll kick off etc

tha ks for the reassurance that it eases he is getting a bit more easy to read but the speech isn’t fully there. For example he was walking at the park happily then we couldn’t reach these flowers on a tree to pick and when I said this he got a bit annoyed and wanted to run away. We diffused it quickly and he carried on but I associated him getting annoyed was because he could see I couldn’t pick the flower for him erc

even stupidly have seen people on social media post their kids (of similar/same age) doing certain things and I get all glum thinking I can’t do that with DS he’ll throw a tantrum / he’ll kick off etc

Try not to be too despondent. Lean into the things you can do with him. They're all different and everything is a phase. My son is so full of energy, I sometimes look at my friend and her son of the same age who plods through life slowly and cautiously. She doesn't have to dash about after him. They can sit in cafés for hours together. My son rams the food in his face then wants to leave immediately and play.

But my son is so much more physically able than my friend's son. He's so physically skilled at running, climbing, going on his balance bike etc. They have different personalities and it's easier to lean into that than rage against it.

We go to cafes but spend less time in them. Instead we go on long hikes together with picnics and visit all the parks so that he can scoot around on his bike. The days of sitting in cafes together will come in time.

@Yourethebeerthief i think I’m being a bit dramatic / glum I feel like we can’t go anywhere - not even in the house without a meltdown !

He gets overstimulated easy too but I’m unsure if this is just personality or a phase linked to his age etc

I do like your outlook though❤️ thank you !

The overstimulated bit is interesting too. My son is one of these it can all overwhelm him. Even if he hurts himself talking to him seems to make the crying/reaction a lot worse - I end up giving him a cuddle providing that's what he wants and staying silent, sometimes letting him just bury his head and eyes - and he tends to be fine so fast compared to if I was to say soothing words etc

And when I 'go off' and play if he's been having a meltdown and let him come, I do so quietly - just silently doing a board game myself or driving some cars around a small area/down a ramp etc as with him if I was to ramp up the play it would make his head spin. So I want to be tempting but not overwhelming

I also sometimes can see it happening and I start speaking more quietly (dunno when I started doing that) to the point I may be whispering.. so he has to be quiet to be able to hear me, and is also a bit curious to hear what I'm saying and listens more as he's concentrating than if I was louder and he starts matching that energy. I especially do that if we are out - whispering that we need to get home as X is coming and they want to play. Rather than shouting to come away from the park.

In the flower instance I'd probably walk away from the tree and speak just loud enough he can hear you a little but not fully about a daisy/whatever you can see so he feels tempted to come check it out and try to hear what you're saying better :)

Keep going :):)

may be thinking... if they've been parents then probably just 'been there, done that, sooo glad that stage is over'! I always look of a baby or small child is crying, I think it's built into us to check on them but that is exactly what I'm usually thinking!

You've had some great advice on here already. Was just wondering if he's getting any support with his speech delay?