You may have seen my posts previously about whether to grow my family and have a 3rd child. I have two beautiful, smart children, 8 and 3, a girl and a boy. As much as I want to go through pregnancy and motherhood again I am scared of rocking the boat. We have a beautiful life, lovely home with ample space, not struggling financially, if anything, improving as the years go on. Although we both work full-time we try and be hands on as much as possible, little screen time, lots of activities, outdoorsy days, holidays, family events. It's jam packed but I honestly enjoy having a career and being a hands on mum. In future I want to setup a charity and get my two involved so as a family we can give back to the world. I know that's why God has blessed me with so much, He knows I will give back.
I however sometimes feel like if I have the space, the finances and the love to share, then I should have another child and grow the family. But, more strongly, I feel like I do not want to rock the boat with the amazing setup we have now, I worry my 2 will feel like they have less time with me and I won't be able to not work full-time (maybe drop a day). And then I circle back and think I should give them another sibling, it would be selfish of me not to. Then I feel like a failure. I feel like I care too much? Why can't I be more care-free?
My friend is having her 3rd, her two are similar age to mine, 8 and 2 (girl and boy) and expecting her 3rd. She however doesn't work and is more of a 'free' mother. I do not judge anyone, all mums are great mums and we know how hard it is to raise a child. My friend sends her 8yo to buy some snacks with her debit card and her 2yo is always on the ipad. I sometimes wonder if I was more care-free would my children have a more 'fun' childhood. I could easily have another if I was more care-free then these thoughts wouldn't affect me as much?
I find myself sitting and wondering if I have chosen a comfortable life over a bigger family? I am honestly grateful for everything I have and we have worked hard for it. But now I find myself just feeling not as adequate as a mother...
To have a third I feel like you either should be a SAHM for a few years at least or have support from family, neither of which I can do/have and that final decision seems to come with a lot of pain....