12 week sleep advice…am I traumatising him 😢

[Sammie1990]

Hi,
please not lectures about co-sleeping. I am well aware that guidance says crib is best place for baby and up to speed with safe co-sleeping.

okay so my DS is 12 weeks old. I would say he is neither a good nor bad sleeper somewhere in the middle. Some nights he will go down at 10 and sleep through other nights it’s 2am and I’m still trying to get him off and we wakes every couple of hours. Since he’s been born I’ve been trying to get him to sleep in the next to me crib. Some nights success others not.

last month or so he has been getting better at sleeping independently. I will settle him in my arms, then transfer to the crib, he normally wakes up has a little cry but I am able to sooth him back to sleep without picking him up again.

However over the last week he has been getting really worked up. I will put him in the crib as above but when he wakes he will not settle again, I sit by the crib and try to sooth him but the past 3 nights he has got that upset he’s started coughing and spluttering which of course I then take him out cuddle him and put him in my bed. However I feel so guilty for trying to get him into the crib even though I know it’s the best thing. Has anyone gone through this and do you persevere even if it meant your baby was so upset?

You're not traumatising him, you're trying to help him sleep most safely. Fwiw you're very lucky he is waking so few times in the night! My boy is 16 weeks and still wakes at least twice. Is the next-to-me maybe a bit colder than the bed? Worth popping a hot water bottle on there then taking it off when you go to put him down? Also being really careful about how you put him down to not trigger the monroe reflex - i've found putting him down on his side then pushing him onto his back seems easier to do this. I also use a shorn sheepskin but i wouldn't say i was advising that as the lullaby trust says not to once they can roll (we'll take ours off once it's warmer).
most of all, i honestly mean it, remember you are doing ok! Co-sleeping bed shares done as safe as possible so everyone can get some sleep are better than accidental bed sharing because you nod off so exhausted

Op, relax!
Safe co sleeping is natural. I have half and half with my 5mo baby in the cot Vs my bed. It means we both get sleep.
I prioritise the cot but there's a point where baby won't settle and I'm too tired to hold or to keep on with the pick up and put down on repeat.
Do what is right for you.

I'd say he's probably going through a phase. Keep trying with the cot, it will be good in the long run, but if he's upset don't force it.